I don't know how or why this happened...

Until this evening, I had no idea what this Gray Area forum was about. I kind of assumed it was about close encounters with Gray Men or something like that, but it's not. It's a place you can detail a weird thing that happened to you, and it's okay for it to not make sense to other people. Well, I've been dealing with something that, to me, is really weird, and maybe someone here can help me to understand it better.

If you check my posting history, you'll see that I've been generally focused on metaphysics, paranormal and creations/origins threads. Also, that my point of view is a bit different than most that are expressed here. Well, I'm going to explain why I've been stranded in this mindset, and even went so far as to write a book and try to figure out how to self publish the damn thing. It's kind of weird, but this is the place for weird stories, so....

In 2003, I was a corporate marketing director, and the director of our product group "suggested" that I look into why I was having such a problem focusing on the kinds of mundane issues that middle managers end up having to focus on. I was diagnosed with ADD (inattentive), which is very different than ADHD, and somewhat more uncommon. I was pretty excited to learn that my intellectual laziness had a clinical name attached to it, and started taking Adderall. In three weeks I was zeroing right in on my work, in six months I was exploring writing stories and essays in my free time, and over the next 4 years, I wrote two novels, started on a memoir, published a half dozen articles, and started being pestered (again) with the certainty that there was something wrong with how we've all been viewing physical reality.

In 2007, that certainty began taking command of my focus to an enhanced degree, and when the company was acquired, I accepted a parachute and dropped into what'd been opening up for me full time. Now, that's when the weird stuff started.

I had ideas that involved the nature of the relationship between God and humanity, and while they were adventurous enough to intrigue some people, I wasn't happy with the fact that these notions included loose ends and faith-based assertions that prevented me from being able to fully embrace these notions as being anything other than philosophical musings. Soon, I found myself investigating what many would see as small, ancillary issues - states of being, existential imperatives, the nature of Logic and its relationship with Truth, and how these questions impact the larger question of Theism versus Atheism, and the true relationship between the human mind and reality. The kinds of technical issues that most people don't associate with theological questions.

The really odd thing is that I've never been a critical thinker. My interests have always been occult sciences, the paranormal, spiritualism, and the more esoteric aspects of the human experience. Proving any of it through logical examination had never been important. Not until a few years ago. Suddenly, it was extremely important, and if any of it failed logically, then I was ready to let it go. Meanwhile, I began documenting entire concepts that were appearing whole in my mind. And when I say concepts, I mean extremely mature and detailed explanation to questions like "What causes sub-atomic activity to be organized, consistent, and to even occur in the first place?" "If God is a supreme, sophisticated consciousness, then how is it possible for such a fully developed consciousness to have never had to develop?", "What is physical existence really composed of at the indivisible pre-organizational level, and how did that pre-physics elemental existence emerge, and why did it emerge?"

And then these fully realized concepts began to emerge in my mind while I was (this is true) taking showers. It sounds nuts, but it's true. I remember times when I was rushing to finish, and repeating the salient points over and over until I was dry and in my home office and writing it out on scraps of paper. All of it was coming in disjointed factoid chunks until there got to be so much of it that I knew I needed to start to organize it all somehow. That organizing happened earlier this spring, and from then until September I was writing and repeatedly getting blindsided by the really vague stuff that tied it all together. Stuff like the nature of contextual association versus Identity, and the existential impact of causal precedence within the contextual environment. The kind of stuff I never even imagined bothering with until this whole thing started. All of it hitting me in fully developed explanations that had been completely obscure - and not even issues I'd thought of as being issues - until the moment they appeared.

So, now the book is done and I've been reading it. And while I completely remember writing it, and never felt as though I was being controlled or possessed or any of that psychic crap, I still find myself wondering how the hell certain aspects of the whole premise work - that is until I go to the part of the book that explains it in exhausting detail.

So, I don't know if this might be due to the progressive effect of the Adderall on my ADD-addled brain, or exactly what the hell has been happening. I never went to college, and in high school, my mom insisted I forget about college and take vocational (brick and block masonry) courses (which I did) because she knew I wasn't exactly college material. Then, for the next 25 years, I played in professional bands and partied and never thought about very much unless it was to learn a new way to make money when I got too old to be a "rock star" anymore.

Now I have a book that I wrote that (I honestly believe) explains what God is, what we are, what physical existence consists of, and why anything exists at all, and backs it to the hilt with complex logical structure. And I actually have no idea how or why.

Sounds great You should present your points and ideas perhaps it will enlighten someone else with missing peices of puzzle. Everyone experinces weird # they cant explain . Best thing to do is wirte it down organize it share it and try and teach

I also have had a long look at the science of esoterism, theism, atheism, consciousness, relational physics, matter, the structure of the cosmos, forces, social political and economic theory and more. I totally hear you about the shower. I get half my remarkable realizations there. Get quite a few driving too. To me it all really needs to be verifiable, at the very least through experience. Repeatable, preferably, and hopefully by anyone who would use such methodology to arrive at these conclusions.

Grats on putting it into a book!!! I've long thought I should but alas I haven't had the aderol keeping me focused haha.

I hear you... and Its people like you that deserve more credit.

That is pretty fascinating. Alot of ADD folk possess above average intellect, as well as refined creative impulses it seems. And adderall could definitely affect output amount. But, whether those collective attributes are enough of an explanation is a great question.

I'm betting that even though academics didn't seem your strong suit, you've been a prolific reader since your youth? Would you be willing to share some of your writing/concepts here? The answer to your question just might be in the book itself.

I'll bump this so hopefully you can get some more opinions.

Please do publish it. You could consider keeping the spirit of the work pure and publish it online, free of charge.

I have been through something similar over the past few years. It is vital to keep the intent right when dealing with things of this nature. It's just something to think about.

In all likely hood you were channeling your "higher self". This information came to you, through you. I have done such things aswell in my past. I am curious as to your conclusions on such things as god, the origin of god, and the origin of matter. Please feel free to summarize your thoughts on this thread. Ignore the trolls, as they are rampant here

I have had 'theories' pop into my mind since I was 12. Most can now be explained by quantum mechanics, studies of higher dimensions, and other cutting edge scientific theories (which were either non-existent or in their infancy when I was 12-- in any case, unbeknownst to me prior to each epiphany.) I have actually read my own thoughts 30 years later in papers published by PhD's. I have always wondered how these ideas popped into my head, since I wasn't usually contemplating the subject matter at the time. In my adult years, I've chalked it up to 'the collective unconscious.'

But here are two bits of synchronicity for ya...
1. I was thinking of these childhood theories the past few days, something I haven't done in eons.
2. Most of them popped into my child-mind when I was walking out of my parent's bathroom! (I can see that part so clearly, like a movie in my head...)

Is water the key to enlightenment?!

As a side note... I paint and draw. I don't know how to. I just do it. I have drawn since I can remember. My first grade teacher told my parents I was an incredible artist, but very withdrawn socially. The first oil painting I ever did, I painted for 20 hours straight and told my husband I felt "possessed by a dead painter" lol

When I finished it, I walked out onto the back deck and felt, for the first and only time in my life, completely and totally connected to every particle in the universe. I was everything. Everything was me. I really don't have words to explain it. But after I slept, I woke up and looked at the painting and was totally mystified. How does someone who has never painted, never been taught to paint, accomplish what a friend later said she thought was a photograph of Robert Plant (you know... Led Zepplin) I look at the painting now, and I am still amazed. I know I had help. I just know it. God? A dead painter? The whole universe? Dunno.

All I can offer up is... I believe you. Keep tapping into... whatever it is that brings you knowledge and understanding.

There is so much to know, were we but more aware. Keep believing!

Sometimes writing in bursts of incredible intuition unleashes the amazing power of the human subconscious intellect.

I hope you take the next steps to get it published. Please keep us posted. I would love to read your book!

reply to post by NorEaster


Cocaine is one hell-ofa-drug!

Seriously though I have your explanation. I used to do MDMA(-Methylenedioxymethamphetamine) which is very similar to what you take. When I was on it life seemed to make sense. My words, reflex, and perception seemed very sharp, and they were.

It seemed as though you could speed up your thinking process but at the same time you can break it down. It seems you can comprehend life and everything makes sense.

I have been clean for a while now and I still have my ability to think sharply. I don't need the drug to be able to think now. If I would have visited the psychiatrist in school they would have labeled me with ADD, I know it. I was one of those ultra-hyper kids who couldn't stand being in the school.

You should do a thorough research on anything you take. Cocaine is illegal, methamphetamine is illegal, but all these drugs the psychiatrists give are similar, so why aren't they illegal? Profit.

reply to post by NorEaster


Hey thanks for sharing your story and how the book was done!

Some of the best things come unconsciously, like in your case after shower. Some people see dreams they remember. This is true also with divine experiences (well, not the shower but unconscious). Others have visions while awake, or other just plainly "think" them out. We all have somehow distinct nerval structure and cultural background, so we all have our personal methods to produce information.

I think I have some kind of disorder as well, as I seem to be able to hoard masses of information, yet I can produce no valid expression of what I've gathered. I mean that I have it all organized in my mind, but whenever I try to express them by speaking or writing, I seem to fail somehow.

-v

reply to post by NorEaster


Well if your book is as well written as your post then I think it will do very well and hit a note with a lot of people who are trying to understand the same things as you are. Well done sir!

It's interesting that some of you have had these kinds of experiences too. Especially the water connection, which I really can't understand. I was leery of admitting to the unusual nature of how the information arrived, due to the fact that there are some folks who've claimed things like Jesus telling them to write stuff and automatic writing and other things. I went out and bought some of these books - mainly because I was trying to see if they were coming up with the same counterintuitive stuff I was getting - but their stuff was like most other stuff that either had to do vaguely with Christian theory or New Age ideas that show up in a lot of other people's books. I was trying to find anyone else that was thinking things like what I was thinking, but I still haven't found any published work that I can associate my own with. It's been pretty frustrating. I was hoping to find like-minded compatriots online.

I do have a theory, sort of, but to explain the source of the information, I'd have to figure a way to bridge about 60,000 words worth of background information before that theory would make any sense at all. It's closely tied in with the traditional notion of Reincarnation, but only in that the concept of past life memories is a misinterpretation of what actually causes those memories to become part of a living corporeal person's own memory suite. It also has to do with the well-established part of the classic NDE, involving the appearance of passed friends and/or family members when the dying person is preparing to pass. It's not God, or angels or any of that religious stuff. It's passed people, but a bit more - I don't know - personal to each living person than some random contact with information that the passed individual is trying to get through the veil. Like I said, it takes some serious background material.

I also have to keep in mind that this information may be incomplete, misinterpreted by the sender, misinterpreted by me, or any combination of each or all of these possibilities. And this is why I showed up here to try and get someone with deep experience and knowledge to rip the easier-to-share aspects of it apart. I haven't been able to find anyone with a theory that comes anywhere near it, and it just seems too unlikely that I could be the only one with this whole completed premise that isn't anything like anyone else's notion of what God is, what we actually are, and why God initiated the progressive development of this contextual environment. Just doesn't make sense, unless I'm completely nuts and simply haven't gotten the heads up on how nuts I am yet.

The toughest part of this, and why I can't just walk off on it, is that the empirical aspects of it - where it actually touches what we already know to be true - are impossibly accurate and obviously supported to a degree that I'd feel like I was doing something wrong if I were to ignore it as crazy thinking.

It even explains the entire Christ narrative, and actually elevates it to a level that's a lot more significant than if one takes the gospel story as a literal historical account, and makes it more explainable than if viewed as a simple hero-Godman fairytale, which most Atheists do. In fact, it kind of sends chills through you when you approach the entire Judeo-Christian bible through this lens, and compare the Old and New Testaments in the way that this premise suggests.

And I've really had difficulty dealing with that aspect of it. I spent some years in the mid-late 70s as what we used to call a "Jesus freak" - which is what a born-again Christian was before the GOP got their hands on them. Sort of a hippy Christian. I really struggled, and still do at an emotional level, with the idea that Jesus (the human teacher) probably never actually existed, and serves as a much larger allegory figure that represents a much more critical aspect of the relationship between the corporeal human being and the reason why that human being exists as it does. I miss how I viewed Jesus, and kind of resent knowing what I know about that narrative.

I did write the book, and I did publish it. And I did it on my own because it was really important, to me, to have it done and available in a complete form, frankly because (and this may sound overly dramatic, but I recently lost a very dear friend of mine and it happened out-of-the-blue) I didn't want to be responsible for having dropped the ball if I got hit by a bus or something. It takes a long time to get a manuscript published, and I couldn't take that chance with this thing. It seems complete and the loose ends are tied up, so I figured a way to present it, (it took reading books and articles on how to write a non-fiction book) I laid it out with Word, shot a pdf of the whole thing, uploaded it to CreateSpace and published it. I hope it gets the information across. The upside is that I learned how to physically do the whole thing, and was able to help a buddy of mine get his own memoir self-published. The downside is that by self-publishing, I've probably wrecked my writing career for good. Most traditional publishers won't touch you if you ever self-publish. Whatever. This had to get published, and I knew it'd be at least a year's worth of shopping the manuscript before it ever got bought by anyone.

So far, I've given a half dozen copies to some people who have been published with responsible work in the field of metaphysics and have expressed an interest in vetting this premise. I have yet to hear back from any of them, which either means that they're examining it, or that they think I'm completely nuts. Like I said, this thing is, on the one hand, extremely recognizable, while on the other hand, it's absolutely counterintuitive as an explanation of things that have traditionally been separated away from what we know to be mundane and naturally part of everyday physical existence. It's how this premise brings the "transcendent" together with the mundane, and details how it is all the same, that makes it either wonderful or disturbing, depending on the person who's being presented with it.

My post history has tons of references to what I've discovered - if anyone is interested in reading large aspects of it. The principle reason for our own version of corporeal human existence is a bit too (I don't know) tough to simply blurt out, for me to feel comfortable stating on a message board. Not terribly hard to state, but extremely hard to defend without the 100,000 plus words of logical background and pages of empirical evidence it takes to allow the average reader to seriously consider it as a viable option. It's true that this part is what ends up being the buzz saw in the doorway for most people. Even if I was to get drunk some night and decide to toss it out there, it'd end up on page 3 before the end of the week, having been politely (and completely) ignored. It's just that unlikely, while being just that unremarkable. And yet, it's absolutely predictable once you've taken the time to establish the nature of physical existence itself, and what drives everything to be what it ultimately becomes.

Anyway, thanks for the positive responses. If anyone has an idea of a evenhanded, disinterested group of Metaphysics professionals who would be highly qualified to review this premise, and vet its logical infrastructure, I'd love to get some contact information for them. Either here or U2U. I could see if they'd be willing to tear into it and show me where I screwed up, or not. Either way, it'd be better than me trying to debunk it by myself, and I don't have friends that are into this sort of thing that can help me. They just look at me like I'm crazy if I start in with it.

reply to post by NorEaster


Your taking a powerful mind altering substance (adrell is a psychostimulant like Amphetamines) and so your thought processes are changing, it's no different to taking any other psychoactive drug, it literally changes the chemical processes of your brain.
It would be strange if the way you think didn't alter, thats more or less the whole point of taking them

Originally posted by NorEaster
And then these fully realized concepts began to emerge in my mind while I was (this is true) taking showers. It sounds nuts, but it's true. I remember times when I was rushing to finish, and repeating the salient points over and over until I was dry and in my home office and writing it out on scraps of paper.

Happens to me all the time, I do my best thinking in the shower. Is there not something like the changing polarity of ions associated with that? Perhaps that is where the clarity comes from.

Personally, I agree with...is it Mailer?...when he called writing the 'spooky art'. Sometimes I feel as though I tap into something, and I'm being fed. Strange.

Bursts of 'genius' may also be due to bipolar disorder/manic depression

www.nytimes.com...
articles.baltimoresun.com... ion-manic-depressive-illness

reply to post by NorEaster

I did write the book, and I did publish it. And I did it on my own because it was really important, to me, to have it done and available in a complete form, frankly because (and this may sound overly dramatic, but I recently lost a very dear friend of mine and it happened out-of-the-blue) I didn't want to be responsible for having dropped the ball if I got hit by a bus or something. It takes a long time to get a manuscript published, and I couldn't take that chance with this thing. It seems complete and the loose ends are tied up, so I figured a way to present it, (it took reading books and articles on how to write a non-fiction book) I laid it out with Word, shot a pdf of the whole thing, uploaded it to CreateSpace and published it. I hope it gets the information across. The upside is that I learned how to physically do the whole thing, and was able to help a buddy of mine get his own memoir self-published. The downside is that by self-publishing, I've probably wrecked my writing career for good. Most traditional publishers won't touch you if you ever self-publish. Whatever. This had to get published, and I knew it'd be at least a year's worth of shopping the manuscript before it ever got bought by anyone.

I find what you've written very interesting and would really like to know more about your publication. Could you tell me what it is titled and where it is located in CreateSpace? My husband has a Master's in humanistic psychology and I believe this would really be of interest to him - and me. Thanks.

reply to post by NorEaster

Originally posted by NorEaster

I do have a theory, sort of, but to explain the source of the information,

I think it has a lot to do with inheritance, but there is more to heritance that just our physical appearance and capabilities. As you've propably heard, some psychical traits run in families. If we can "tune" into our inheritance in a correct way, I believe we might encounter some interesting findings... Besides of heritance that runs in families, there is this collective cultural heritance both racial and that common to all human beings.

I think bit like you that it has nothing to do with spirits and ghosts as ancestors in this sense, but rather more mundane way. Spirits and such are just ad hoc terminology, until better explanation is given. They explain some things conveniently, but leave lot in dark.

Also we seem to be able to share some thoughts without words, from a living person to another, but this happens quite unconsciously, through some other organs than mouth and ear... I am not sure whether you are familiar with C.G Jung (forgive me if you have mentioned, I sometimes forgot stuff), but if you haven't, I suggest reading some of his books. You may find his findings interesting, especially the unconscious side of mind and the synchronicity.

-v

Originally posted by NorEaster
It's interesting that some of you have had these kinds of experiences too. Especially the water connection, which I really can't understand.

I have some ideas on how that works. Lets put away ideas like "hot showers are relaxing" and "white noise of flowing water may be the effect" and look at the spiritual tradition.

What do Islamists, Archimedes, Shinto Monks and Jesus have in common?

Islamists wash before they worship, monks meditate in waterfalls, Archimedes found inspiration in the bath and Jesus, a symbol of the awakened man, a higher self joined with earthbound self in baptism. Leylines and dowsing, water being the lifeblood of the earth is a widely held and easily visible idea. Holy water, water further purified through alchemy symbolic of the spiritual process. In folklore fairies and demons are said to inhabit watery areas. The haunted well is a ghost story staple.

The mechanism? It seems to be some kind of key like all these things that lead us to awakening.......strange substances, meditation and extreme concentration (this might explain why some people get this while driving, it seems the higher self takes over the mundane driving task allowing you to go on a tangent) and sensory deprivation, psychosis and brain damage.

Whatever it is, it is a superconductor of spiritual energy. One must wonder if the vortices and undulating waveforms are part of this mysterious effect as spiritual energy moves in the same way.

It appears to explain why fasting also works, the crystaline and molecular structure of the water depending on quality either amplifies or simply lets energy through better. Hence why water heavy fruits are good for us and are recommended along with vegetarianism by most spiritual teachers.

A Japanese scientist played both aggressive and kind words and music to water as it was freezing. The results if indeed verifiable are compelling to say the least. Words like "love" producing beautiful structures while "hate" would leave a tangled mess.

They say cleanliness is godliness when of course the orig saying was cleanliness is close to godliness. Does this mean purification brings us closer to God? I would say yes.

reply to post by NorEaster

I would be interested in reading your book. Please let me know when it is published and where it can be purchased.

The shower effect is due to the negative ions that are created by the water being pushed apart by the shower head. Negative ions are "feel good" ions. They are known for improving how we feel as well as increasing brain activity. I have most of my "epiphanies" in the shower. I find this effect is heightened if I have had a vigorous workout prior to the shower.

edited for typos