My introduction+story of spiritual awakening

Hello ATS,

I have been on this site many a time, and after reading certain posts from like minded people, I decided to join

I wanted to join, so I might be able to express my views and beliefs, without everyone thinking that I'm stark raving mad. Although I'm sure some will anyway ;-)

The last post I read, that lead me to sign up, was about spiritual awakening. The OP talked about her recent awakening. This compelled me to share my own story.

My life used to be in complete disarray. I drank a lot, made terrible decisions and generally did anything and everything that would destroy myself. I've never had an in-the-box view of life. Ever since I was very young. At the age of 7 I witnessed a UFO fly over my house. There must have been a metre between it and my roof. That day destroyed my life.

The weird stuff started to happen after that day. Ghostly phenomena, objects appearing in different places. I was completely convinced the house was haunted. The worst part though, was inside me. I remember countless times where I would be playing with toys or going about my daily business, when all of a sudden my mind would turn on myself. The only way to describe it, is that it felt like a balloon swelling inside my head, creating a separate space. I would feel very out of it and scared. From this space in my head came questions. Over and over, questions about everything around me. Very much like a 5 year old child would question his/her parents. I would answer the question out loud, and I remember feeling how completely alien my language sounded to me. My head would ask ''what does this mean'' and ''why''.

This happened throughout most of my childhood up until my father left home and split the family up. I then spent my spare time from the age of 13 drinking vodka and contemplating suicide. The strange instances with my mind would only happen occasionally. I remember it happening to me in work when I was 17. I was serving customers when it did. I had to stop serving and walk away mid-conversation. Locked my self in the toilet and cried my eyes out.
By 18 I was a complete emotional and mental train wreck. I was sent for counselling to try and deduce if I was schizophrenic. They declared I was suffering from psycho induced schizophrenia. Hurray, I just won 6 months of psychotherapy, no work, no friends.

I came out of my psychotherapy completely unchanged. The only difference was, I wasn't drinking any more. That soon changed and I spent the next few years up until I was 22, living the weeks to get smashed on alcohol at the end of it. It was at this point in life that I was sick of it all, and everything I had become, so once again I stopped drinking. Then I stopped smoking and started running. I started to change my diet and found a new respect for my body. Through training and eating properly I completely changed my physiology and sculpted a new body for myself.
My partner fell pregnant and at 23 my daughter was born. Then it happened, in the finest moments of clarity in the early hours of the morning, through tear filled eyes I gazed at my daughter. The emotion that flared within me was infinitely bigger then a nebula in space creating stars.

I made a vow then and there, to love, to protect and be the best I could be for the little life that was bestowed to me. I would say it was that very night that my spirit finally started to wake from its age old slumber. I began to accept and understand myself for what I truly was. I used to believe I was stark raving bonkers, and that maybe I was just messing up my own psyche. But after years of being sober and at the height of my physical health, my mentality never changed, but I learned to control it and become less sensitive to my surroundings until I wanted to.

It was late at night that I found my calling. I had become intensely interested in physics, and would sit there for countless hours researching different subjects. My mind took to it like a duck to water. CONTINUED BELOW

CONTINUED FROM ABOVEThen it happened, that same weird mind thing, which hadn't, I must add, happened for over 2 years. Instead of the usual confusion, there was clarity. It didn't control me, more me controlling it. I started thinking about a device that could produce energy, infinite amounts of energy. Pictures of this device swirled around my head as I explored it's inner workings.
I have always had the knack of being able to envision an items construction. Well less of a knack, everything I look at, I am able to mentally break it down and understand it. The only way I can describe it, is that it is like I can see inside such things as though it was layered.
Anyway, this was the first time I was able to completely envision such a complex device, with it seeming like school taught knowledge. My first reaction was ''wow someone really needs to research this'', then I thought, ''who could I contact, that would research this?'' which I realised would be a laughable idea, so then I thought ''why don't I do this?'' to which the other part of myself screamed ''BECAUSE IT WOULD TAKE YEARS OF STUDY AND THEN RESEARCH, PLUS YOU COOK FOOD FOR A LIVING, YOU WOULD NEVER BE ABLE TO DO THIS !''
I contemplated this for a second, then a quiet thought settled in my mind ''who ever said you cant?'' the answer I realised was me, only me. Just as I realised this, I had one clear thought in my mind, which has become my ethos;

''Stop telling yourself you can't, and start telling yourself you can''

With all this in mind I went back into education and began to absorb any and all knowledge I could get my hands on. Five days a week I studied, the other two I worked. Every living minute of my life has been taken up. I have no social life, and haven't been out in months, but I'm completely happy. Morning and night I meditate. Each passing week I grow deeper in my soul, it is like the layers of an onion peeling back, revealing another. I can feel my concious connecting with myself deeper and deeper, like it's connection with my soul is becoming stronger, reaching into the infinite point of life. It has it's draw backs though, sometimes it can be hard to keep up with the constructed society, especially with the knowledge that we are spirit entities. Alive or dead, it truly doesn't matter.

I have one year left until I will be studying for a masters degree in nano-engineering. Whether through spiritual guidance, or maybe I am stark raving mad possessed with a conviction, I hope with all my heart that I can make a difference in this world, for my daughter and your children. But if I am to be honest, I have the feeling that it's all to late, but out of love I have to try.

Thank you for reading my thoughts, it's been nice to air them for once in my life. I look forward to speaking with any like minded people.

Peace and love to you all in these troubled times

I can relate more than you would believe although I dont have children yet. Welcome, and very impressive post. I wish you and your family the best of luck.

reply to post by Red_xi



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WOW

if i can give you anything, its:

"Dont Stop, Don't EVER Stop."

and i mean that in don't stop improving your life, you will reach a level of higher satisfaction and can always keep going. and remember the body-mind is one.


my question is, how did you get into nano engineering?

im very interested in physics and nanotechnology. would love to be skilled in nano sciences!

reply to post by reesie45


Thank you reesie45

I am so much humbled by your revelation from your heart, honoured and priviledge to be here to hear your account of turn around.

May more learn from your inspiring life experience. Thanks for sharing, and may more blessings be bestowed upon you as you help elevated mankind through your born again gifts.

Welcome and cheers! :-)

reply to post by togetherwestand


You can do one of two things my friend. The first is to study physics. You will generally find that for your final year you get the choice of studying nano materials. After this you can then carry on to study condensed matter physics.

The second is which is my route, is to study engineering electronics and then progress onto a nano-engineering degree. The only problem being, that there are few and far places between that have the facilities.

reply to post by SeekerofTruth101



Your reception warms my soul, thank you so much.

Originally posted by Red_xi
reply to post by togetherwestand

 

You can do one of two things my friend. The first is to study physics. You will generally find that for your final year you get the choice of studying nano materials. After this you can then carry on to study condensed matter physics.

The second is which is my route, is to study engineering electronics and then progress onto a nano-engineering degree. The only problem being, that there are few and far places between that have the facilities.

thank you so much,

my last question is how long did the degree take?

reply to post by togetherwestand


The degree is 3 years, masters 1, Ph.D. 3 , total of seven years