I have been on this site many a time, and after reading certain posts from like minded people, I decided to join
I wanted to join, so I might be able to express my views and beliefs, without everyone thinking that I'm stark raving mad. Although I'm sure some
will anyway ;-)
The last post I read, that lead me to sign up, was about spiritual awakening. The OP talked about her recent awakening. This compelled me to share my
My life used to be in complete disarray. I drank a lot, made terrible decisions and generally did anything and everything that would destroy myself.
I've never had an in-the-box view of life. Ever since I was very young. At the age of 7 I witnessed a UFO fly over my house. There must have been a
metre between it and my roof. That day destroyed my life.
The weird stuff started to happen after that day. Ghostly phenomena, objects appearing in different places. I was completely convinced the house was
haunted. The worst part though, was inside me. I remember countless times where I would be playing with toys or going about my daily business, when
all of a sudden my mind would turn on myself. The only way to describe it, is that it felt like a balloon swelling inside my head, creating a separate
space. I would feel very out of it and scared. From this space in my head came questions. Over and over, questions about everything around me. Very
much like a 5 year old child would question his/her parents. I would answer the question out loud, and I remember feeling how completely alien my
language sounded to me. My head would ask ''what does this mean'' and ''why''.
This happened throughout most of my childhood up until my father left home and split the family up. I then spent my spare time from the age of 13
drinking vodka and contemplating suicide. The strange instances with my mind would only happen occasionally. I remember it happening to me in work
when I was 17. I was serving customers when it did. I had to stop serving and walk away mid-conversation. Locked my self in the toilet and cried my
By 18 I was a complete emotional and mental train wreck. I was sent for counselling to try and deduce if I was schizophrenic. They declared I was
suffering from psycho induced schizophrenia. Hurray, I just won 6 months of psychotherapy, no work, no friends.
I came out of my psychotherapy completely unchanged. The only difference was, I wasn't drinking any more. That soon changed and I spent the next few
years up until I was 22, living the weeks to get smashed on alcohol at the end of it. It was at this point in life that I was sick of it all, and
everything I had become, so once again I stopped drinking. Then I stopped smoking and started running. I started to change my diet and found a new
respect for my body. Through training and eating properly I completely changed my physiology and sculpted a new body for myself.
My partner fell pregnant and at 23 my daughter was born. Then it happened, in the finest moments of clarity in the early hours of the morning, through
tear filled eyes I gazed at my daughter. The emotion that flared within me was infinitely bigger then a nebula in space creating stars.
I made a vow then and there, to love, to protect and be the best I could be for the little life that was bestowed to me. I would say it was that very
night that my spirit finally started to wake from its age old slumber. I began to accept and understand myself for what I truly was. I used to believe
I was stark raving bonkers, and that maybe I was just messing up my own psyche. But after years of being sober and at the height of my physical
health, my mentality never changed, but I learned to control it and become less sensitive to my surroundings until I wanted to.
It was late at night that I found my calling. I had become intensely interested in physics, and would sit there for countless hours researching
different subjects. My mind took to it like a duck to water. CONTINUED BELOW