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You may be a New Ager if...

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posted on Apr, 1 2010 @ 10:20 PM
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... someone invites you to dinner and you show up three hours late because "Spirit had other plans for me."

... you greet your mailman with "Namaste."

... you skip work on a regular basis or can't hold a normal job because you're "going with the flow."

... you hang out at coffeeshops and breweries every day, preaching to everyone who does or doesn't want to hear because you're "doing God's work."

... you believe to be a goddess.

... you're painting artwork with your menstruation blood.

... medical treatment means a visit to your colonics provider and your aromatherapist.

... you know the names of every semiprecious gemstone and where to put it on your body.

... you know that chakra is not a female pop singer.

... your idea of sensual lighting is to throw a piece of Indian cloth over a table lamp.

... you have at least once participated in a trance dance, an angel prayer circle, or a Native American sweatlodge.

... you are convinced that you've been Joan of Arc, Cleopatra, or King Arthur in a past-life (just like thousands of your fellow New Agers).

... you say you're a lightworker, but don't know anything about electricity.

... you call everyone "brother" or "sister" and tell them you love them, even though you just met them.

... you spell "universe" with a capital U.

... you sign all your emails with "Love and Light, (name)."

... you're preparing to visit the Hopi and introduce yourself as the "Great White Brother" they've been waiting for for thousands of years.

... you believe you're the reincarnation of Quetzalcoatl and communicate telepathically with White Buffalo Calf Woman.

... before you leave the house, you have to draw a "Tarot Card of the Day" to see what's in store for you.

... you've read every one of Carlos Castaneda's books... at least three times.

... instead of playing "Marco! Polo!" you play "Deepak! Chopra!"

... you prefer deep-trance meditation to working out at the gym.

... you've seen God in person during an OOBE.

... you've made a half-assed attempt to kill yourself, just so you could have a near-death experience.

... you have a business card that says "Ascended Master" under your name.

... you know who Neil Donald Walsch, Wayne Dyer, and Marianne Williams are.

... you've had an Intensive 5-day Workshop somewhere in the woods with Neil Donald Walsch to learn how to talk with God.

... you know that "The Secret" is not a mystery novel.

... someone tells you their wife left them, their dog just died, and their house burned down, and you suggest they must have "manifested it."

... you have a business card that says "Co-creator" under your name.

... you're a channeler, psychic, animal communicator, masseur, or hypnotherapist.

[This is fun! By the way, I haven't made any of this up, even the really outlandish-sounding things. I swear I know people who are like that and do this.]



[edit on 1-4-2010 by sylvie]




posted on Apr, 1 2010 @ 10:45 PM
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how many points do you have to comply with to be categorized as a new ager?



posted on Apr, 1 2010 @ 10:47 PM
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How is this a conspiracy?

Shouldn't this be in bts?



posted on Apr, 1 2010 @ 10:48 PM
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hmm...I sense something else being communicated here....

[edit on 1-4-2010 by manbird12000]



posted on Apr, 1 2010 @ 11:01 PM
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reply to post by Foranki
 


It's in Philosophy and Metaphysics, where it belongs.



posted on Apr, 1 2010 @ 11:02 PM
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Originally posted by Hondahawk
how many points do you have to comply with to be categorized as a new ager?


Any two or three would do, I guess. ;o)



posted on Apr, 1 2010 @ 11:04 PM
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reply to post by sylvie
 


a focus on everything from mental relaxing and non-religious personal balance, to conspiracies and speculation related to influencing the mind.
This is not a conspiracy.

[edit on 1-4-2010 by Foranki]



posted on Apr, 1 2010 @ 11:10 PM
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Originally posted by Foranki
reply to post by sylvie
 


a focus on everything from mental relaxing and non-religious personal balance, to conspiracies and speculation related to influencing the mind.
This is not a conspiracy.

[edit on 1-4-2010 by Foranki]


I thought everyone did that



posted on Apr, 1 2010 @ 11:10 PM
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reply to post by sylvie
 


Hmm its a pity you didnt bring any philosophy or metaphysics to the philosphy & metaphysics forum.

That being said I did still get a chuckle out of this, however as manbird said the Op says more about yourself than new agers



posted on Apr, 1 2010 @ 11:20 PM
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reply to post by Foranki
 


But it is a look into the psychology of new agers, albeit in a funny not so serious way.

I would probably be categorized as a new ager by lots of people but I wouldn't categorize myself that way, I'm just a searcher looking for the answer and I've come to realize metaphysics is very real.

I'd take a lovey dovey new ager over a fundamentalistic religious person anyday
though I must admit the overemphasis on "light & love"(you see I'm a tough guy who likes skeletons and that kind of stuff
) kind of ticks me off at times, still, the message is loud and clear, love, not fear. And I agree wholeheartedly.

Anyway, funny thread, S+F!



posted on Apr, 1 2010 @ 11:28 PM
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reply to post by TheLaughingGod
 


But it is a look into the psychology of new agers

No it isn't. It's just a bunch of generalizations.

This belongs in bts.



posted on Apr, 2 2010 @ 12:51 AM
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reply to post by Foranki
 


Not only a bunch of generalizations, but ones that are based on limited understanding too.

I don't call myself a "lightworker" for example but electronics engineering is my major and I like to think I understand a good deal about the electromagnetic spectrum and theoretical physics aside from being able to analyze circuits problems. And the word "lightworker" is totally appropriate imo.

Light and electricity, as even you suggest here, are intrinsically related as EM energy, light moving at a higher vibration (frequency) and waves that appear as single electrons moving at a lower vibration (frequency). Our bodies make use of electricity, especially the heart and brain. Our cells also emit photons, so both are present and remember also both are fundamentally the same form of energy.

There is an EM field surrounding your entire body that pulses with your heart beat and is also "colored" by your brainwaves. Your brainwaves are smaller EM signals usually but can be amplified if synchronized/"blended" in resonance with the heart's much-stronger EM energy. Basically when you clear your mind of high-frequency analytical activity and ease it into larger wavelength frequencies, believe it or not!

There are also studies showing that when people approach each other, they can subconsciously sense and react to others' EM fields by their heart fields interacting with each other and exchanging information of sorts. A "lightworker" in just the sense of working with the gross physical and electric bodies, is basically just aiding in relaxation of the entire person and the eventual slowing of the analytical mind and turning it back to the heart, and mushy things like that, which are still honored traditions to this day in places like India and Tibet.

[edit on 2-4-2010 by bsbray11]



posted on Apr, 2 2010 @ 01:03 AM
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reply to post by bsbray11
 


Damn, that was an epic smackdown! I love it when rational humanists do what you just did, lol.

Best,
Skunknuts



posted on Apr, 2 2010 @ 02:12 AM
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" ... you believe to be a goddess. "
But I am I tell ya!

" ... you know that chakra is not a female pop singer. "
Well just great... now I am singing "Tell me something good"


" .. you're painting artwork with your menstruation blood. "
Umm EEEEEEEEWWWWWWW!

" ... you know the names of every semiprecious gemstone and where to put it on your body. "
Of course I do! I prefer on my fingers and in my ears.. perhaps around my neck


" ... you spell "universe" with a capital U"
You mean we are not supposed to spell it like that? oops.

" ... instead of playing "Marco! Polo!" you play "Deepak! Chopra!"
OHMYGAWD!



" ... you prefer deep-trance meditation to working out at the gym."
Well yeah! You don't get sweaty and well.. you get to be still and not jumping around


" you know who Neil Donald Walsch, Wayne Dyer, and Marianne Williams are."
I love Dr Wayne Dyer!


Sylvie Star for you, this was really funny! Thank you for posting this!



posted on Apr, 2 2010 @ 02:15 AM
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I'm a New Ager but I don't do any of those things. New Age beliefs are not confined to a box. Yeah some people like to explore their spiritual side and talk to trees, etc. Even more people are just in touch with themselves and need no ritual to understand aspects of themselves.



posted on Apr, 2 2010 @ 08:34 AM
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Originally posted by polarwarrior
reply to post by sylvie
 


Hmm its a pity you didnt bring any philosophy or metaphysics to the philosphy & metaphysics forum.

That being said I did still get a chuckle out of this, however as manbird said the Op says more about yourself than new agers


You're all SO wrong. Actually, I'm a New Ager myself. But you can really only make fun of a group of people if you're on the inside.
Too bad some people here take themselves way too seriously.

[edit on 2-4-2010 by sylvie]



posted on Apr, 4 2010 @ 07:19 AM
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Come ON OP, you are just on a lower vibrational field, and you haven't ascended with your chakra. I sense a low level of light and love in your post, and clearly you haven't been meditating lately. Maybe when you reach the sixteenth dimension you'll understand!!

lmao great post op!!



posted on Apr, 7 2010 @ 08:00 AM
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And you have manifested hilarity this morning.....yes, yes, a bit of coffee out my nose. OUCH!

bsbray: Wow man, excellent post. Wish I could give you all stars


....and the semiprecious stones on my fingers and ears.


I'm in!!!



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