How To Make A Conspiracy Theory (with bikinis)

I've seen my share of bad conspiracy theories, and it bothers me when I see one. But what bothers me the most is when I make a bad conspiracy theory. The feeling I get from wasting so much time making a bad conspiracy theory is one of the worst feelings ever. So in an attempt to never make a bad conspiracy theory again, here is my step by step procedure to make a reasonable conspiracy theory.

1) Identify something that a large group of people seem to like. ex) bikinis

2) Pose a seemingly obvious question: Why do people like it? ex) Why do people like bikinis? Because guys like looking at hot girls who don't have lots of clothes on, and hot girls like the attention.

3) What are its positive effects? ex) Guys get pleasure from looking at hot girls who have minimal clothing on and girls have motivation to stay skinny so they can fit into bikinis.

4) What are its negative effects? ex) Girls who don't look good in bikinis are degraded socially, guys focus more on outward appearance of girls than "inward appearance," and girls will do anything to stay skinny including not eating and throwing up their meals.

5) Since a large group of people seem to like it, the positive effects are outweighing the negative effects. Why do the positive effects outweigh the negative effects? ex) Teenage girls want to show off their bodies if they have nice bodies because that will make them popular and teenage guys really want teenage girls to wear bikinis because they are horny mofos.

6) How does it affect society as a whole? ex) It sexualizes teenagers from an early age and encourages teenager guys to judge girls based on looks so it makes society more superficial.

7) Did the creator intend to influence society in this way? This is where research and evidence is crucial. ex) Louis Reard and Jacques Heim, his rival designers, were competing to produce the world's smallest swimsuit... In 1946 Réard introduced the bikini. His swimsuit was basically a bra top and two inverted triangles of cloth connected by string and it was significantly smaller. Made out of a scant 30 inches of fabric, he promoted his creation as "smaller than the world's smallest bathing suit." He called his creation the bikini, named after the Bikini Atoll. The idea struck him when he saw women rolling up their beachwear to get a better tan... Réard could not find a model who would dare to wear his design. He ended up hiring Micheline Bernardini, a nude dancer from the Casino de Paris as his model. That bikini, a string bikini with a g-string back made out of 30 square inches (194 cm2) of cloth with newspaper type printed across, was "officially" introduced on July 5, 1946 at a fashion event at Piscine Molitor, a popular public pool in Paris. The bikini was a hit, especially among men, and Bernardini received some 50,000 fan letters. Heim's design was the first worn on the beach, but the genre of clothing was given its name by Réard. Reard's business soared, and in advertisements he kept the bikini mystique alive by declaring that a two-piece suit wasn't a genuine bikini "unless it could be pulled through a wedding ring." -Wikipedia "bikini"
So far there is no conspiracy here, it was just a guy trying to make a name for himself.

8) If not the creator, who would want society to be influenced in this way? ex) Who would want a superficial society where girls mindlessly spend money on unreliable methods to stay skinny? The government! The government doesn't care how superficial society is as long as the economy keeps going and the country keeps its status as a world superpower.

9) Present the conspiracy theory in one simple sentence. ex) The US Government actively promotes the use of bikinis in order to make society more superficial so the economy will run better.

10) Wait one day and after a day read over your conspiracy theory and see if it makes any sense and try to catch any errors in reasoning. ex) Yes I am advocating less spontaneous threads and more well thought out threads.

Originally posted by Wang Tang
The feeling I get from wasting so much time making a bad conspiracy theory is one of the worst feelings ever.

So, what "feeling" did you get after making this thread?

Ok, just kidding.

I will have to re-read your thread to get the most out of it.

Will be back after re-reading.

Dorian Soran

Hmmm, interesting. Not sure about this theory, but I think I like it. I am going to go down to the beach now for some serious research and photos. I will let you know this afternoon what evidence I come up with.

I also need to research this bikini conspiracy further. brb.

reply to post by Wang Tang


Ah man.. your in trouble now...

Didn't you know all women are really aliens, that's why they all go the to bathroom together, to commune with the mother ship!

Didn't you see the connection between their compacts and the star track communicator???

well now that your on to them, I expect you'll be Abducted any minute now...

I think we need photographic evidence don't we? Lot's of it

Originally posted by Essan
I think we need photographic evidence don't we? Lot's of it

Wonderful suggestion. I think these pictures will prove my point.

[atsimg]http://files.abovetopsecret.com/images/member/1c431dc5734a.jpg[/atsimg]

See what I mean? No I don't think you do. Here's some more.

[atsimg]http://files.abovetopsecret.com/images/member/d25682c242e5.jpg[/atsimg]

This picture is from a video of Mixed Martial Arts girls showing how you do a kneebar to tap out the opponent. I don't know if I would watch this video to learn how to actually do a kneebar or if I would watch this video to ... you know... Well if I was watching it to learn a kneebar I would learn it pretty damn quickly thats for sure.

[atsimg]http://files.abovetopsecret.com/images/member/9d5304df5b4c.jpg[/atsimg]

Now this should really open your eyes. This is from Sports Illustrated Magazine, a magazine that lots of kids read... granted it IS from the swimsuit issue but still the girl has her top off and is biting her finger in a sexy way so what message does that send to the young kiddies who get their hands on a Swimsuit Issue?

Or try this exercise: Go to Google images and type in bikini and see how long it takes to stop looking.

If there is one thing every man can agree on it is that girls in bikinis are wonderful. And that is either a really good thing or a really bad thing.