Please help, my ego VS my spirit are torturing me inside.

Originally posted by InfiniteOmnipresence
Hello again ATS. I just had another breakdown and I need someone to talk to.

I'll start by describing my current financial situation, then explain my spiritual belief's and hopefully if you even care to read you can help me. Ok, so I'm about to turn 21 and I still live at home. I graduated high school, and have been depressed/anxious/addict ever since. I'm unemployed, have been spoiled since I was young, and I'm horrible with managing money. I have anxiety issues and I'm sure I'm bipolar.

My ego is constantly causing me to feel horrible by barraging me with guilty thoughts and feelings. I find myself calling MYSELF a spoiled worthless b*tch that can't even find the power to get a job. I care so much what other's think of me that sometimes I can't even go hang out with friends because of fear of judgment.

On top of all this I was spiritually awakened 4 years ago. I realized the power and love inside of all of us. I can feel my true self or spirit pleading and begging me to let go of these thoughts. The only time I really feel at peace is when I meditate, asleep, on something, or flirting with a girl. I feel like I'm not from this planet. Like I was born without the Earthling's tool kit, so to speak. We could make things so much easier on ourselves. IMHO we don't even need a monetary system! Of course I won't get into that because I don't want to be flamed at the moment. This rat race of greed is so heart-wrenching for me to witness. This strive to maximize profits by any means is holding us back!

So my mind keeps torturing me with the reality of my situation while my spirit is telling me everything will be okay I just need to relax and regroup. I have done this many times, I'll get into a positive mindset and routine... Then fall off track and the ego comes in guns blazing once again, victorious, leaving me powerless and guilty. I am tired and aching for love. Three years since my last relationship. If you have any advice for me please reply. I don't expect many people to find this interesting, but hopefully someone will reply. Thanks for reading, I hope you are enjoying life and if you are... I'm jealous!

Omni

Welcome to Earth brother. You came seeking to bring your positive qualities with you, to share. Knowing that once incarnated you would face extreme opposition from a scared and fragile species. You have come to live as one, to love as one, to be one. To truly experience that which you are here to save.

You will find evil, it will confront you and seek to control you through fear. You will be assaulted with negative remarks, odd looks and hateful people.

However you know despite the evil which embodies them, love can show them the way. Time is the illusion granted to us to truly determine the merit of our will. If one could simply intercept any given moment in time to impact an event, then nothing would ever truly be earned or understood.

The real test of will is the loss of memory, seated amongst the souls of strangers who are lost to their own devices. Will you allow your light to be drowned fully and fail them? Or will you stand strong, forgiving yourself as I forgive you.

While you may forget your purpose in the waiting shadows, and give in to human desires... remember that's the point. To be one of them, to face the same trials and fears. Yet despite that, never lose faith in the divine.

To show them that despite the spiritual battle, there is a better way. A way devoid of fear. Filled only with love and hope.

You are far from alone, don't let the 'EGO' convince you against your true power. To deceive you from making your stand.

Lovely open hearted OP.

I feel for you, this is not easy, especially in one so young. I have ONE word for you, and you must understand it or you will never find peace.

That word is BALANCE.

While you are still within duality ( Spirit encased within Matter) you can not allow either of these to become dominant. You must remain in the centre of both of these forces, or you will , as you have found live a life of unbalanced conflict and inner turmoil.

Walk the middle ground, try to balance the two. Try to see you are Spirit AND matter, once you understand this you will see why unless you balance the two all you will feel is conflict.

take care.

reply to post by InfiniteOmnipresence

You are going through very normal ascension processes. The whole hoopla about 2012 is that we are undergoing a consciousness shift.

You are being forced to face your dark side. Not for punishment, for your evolution. We have to let all the old ego based crap we have been pushing away, come to the surface to face it, accept it, love it and let it go.

It's a powerful time here on Earth, and since you've described yourself in this way, I'd surmise your soul is not an earth soul. You are most likely a lightworker or indigo. I know, people hate those terms, but those souls are here on earth, like it or not.

It sounds like you have somewhat of a handle on it though, because you are AWARE of the issues.

This may help with your ego battles :

The transition from ego based consciousness to heart based consciousness starts with the experience of an inner void. Things that used to draw your full attention or situations that you got completely caught up in now leave you empty or uninspired. Somehow things seem to have lost their usual meaning and purpose.

Before this void is experienced, consciousness is in the grip of fear and the ensuing need to constantly reaffirm itself. It is continually looking for outside validation because it is unwilling to face the underlying fear of rejection and loneliness. This deep fear and the need for outside validation may long be hidden as the true motive for many of your actions. Your whole life may be built upon them without you being consciously aware of it. Perhaps you are aware of a vague restlessness or tension within. But often a major event such as the break up of a relationship, the passing of a loved one or the loss of a job has to come along to invite you to truly examine what this tension or unrest is about.

When the ego is the center of your being, your consciousness and your emotional life are in a state of cramp. You cringe in fear and from that position you are constantly on the defensive. When you’re in the ego stage, you always experience lack, a need for more. The foundation of your thoughts, feelings and actions is a black hole, a void which can never be filled completely. It is a hole of fear, a place covered in shadows, since you turn your consciousness away from it. In the shadows, there is a void which you are vaguely aware of, but you don’t want to go there.

People are terrified of facing the inner void with full awareness. They are terrified of meeting their inner darkness head on and investigating it. However if you don’t face it, it is still there, and you will need to develop “coping strategies” to make life bearable

www.jeshua.net...

reply to post by blujay


While the advice is good, I myself would have troubles believing someone who claims to be channeling 'Jesus' who is just like Jesus but not Jesus.

False prophets seeking to pervert the coming change.

The whole page @ www.jeshua.net... reeks of horrible religious scifi.

If you don't want your ego to hold power over you, you have to learn to ignore it. It has to learn to step back and let you be the driver. Try to not get caught in the ego's little games and manipulation tactics. Remember the ego is our tool, to give advice, it should not be in complete control over our actions. It's not always possible to control thoughts, but if you just ignore them, they will pass like clouds on the sky. Remember thoughts have no power over you and you don't have to believe them. Ignore the ego and it's power will vanish, it will get quiet, and when you really need it you can be sure it will come by itself.

Before you consider going to see a therapist, watch this movie:
www.youtube.com...

You might suffer from poisoning, from all the fluorides and stuff, so you maybe want to educate yourself how to use iodine to get rid of the industry poisons.
iodine4health.com...

And overall, try to not loose your hopes. The world is in a very bad state, peoples are suffering all over the world, but we are all in the same boat, somehow we will get through it.

Hugs to you and good luck.




[edit on 5-3-2010 by Nightflower]

reply to post by InfiniteOmnipresence


If you need somebody to talk to in private please U2U me, I understand what you are going through because I have been there myself. Sometimes spilling out in a public forum only fuels ego..... hence why I offered to talk in private.

Check out this YouTube channel, it has literally kept me from killing myself.

YouTube Mooji Satsang

This really helped me and I hope it can do the same for you.





[edit on 5-3-2010 by NotAgain]

Originally posted by mryanbrown
reply to post by blujay

 

While the advice is good, I myself would have troubles believing someone who claims to be channeling 'Jesus' who is just like Jesus but not Jesus.

False prophets seeking to pervert the coming change.

The whole page @ www.jeshua.net... reeks of horrible religious scifi.

I too would advise caution with such channelings. I have come across this site with another member on ATS and I told him the same. As Spirits we are strong enough to see our own path without the distortions of channelings. The physical realm gives us the ability to see the whole picture, much more than an entity that is not. It is from the physical realm we gain knowledge, eventually we have enough knowledge to gain access to the Spiritual realms. IMO entities from these psychic realms (not spiritual realms) can not be trusted as the distortions over the astral realms is immense.

Sorry blujay, you are my friend, but this is my opinion on this web site.

reply to post by InfiniteOmnipresence


There's a bunch of good, suggestive stuff in here The Manual of Epictetus that you may not be familiar with.

The main takeaway is that you should not allow yourself to be made happy or sad by things that you cannot control, like what the shark ate yesterday, or what people say about you when you're not around...that is a bad use for your attention, because your attention does not affect the outcome in those cases...focus your attention on what you can control with your attention, which is your own actions, fulfilling your will, exercising and developing your self-control.

Hi

First off, I'd dump all the labels if I were you. Forget the 'ego' and 'spirit' and 'torture', 'bi polar' and all that other stuff. Because by using terms like that, you're compartmentalizing aspects of yourself as if you were a jig-saw puzzle

Sounds to me as if most of all, you lack confidence. Which is normal. Everyone lacks confidence to a degree

Next: don't regard yourself as 'different'. Realise you're normal and what you're going through is ... normal

We all go through phases of believing ourselves to be 'different' and 'an outsider', especially when our lives are in a ditch

You're not working. You're not happy. That's normal too. Lots of people are feeling as you are, particularly now, with the employment situation as it is

The worst thing people can do in situations such as yours, is to obsess about themselves. It's a form of cannibalism which is very common, but only tends to exacerbate the situation

You need some fresh-air in your mind. Seriously. And that's easy, even without a job or money. Your parents have a garden ? Then there must be something you can do outdoors, even if that's as simple as a bit of weeding or simply 'appreciating' nature

Most of all, try to get your mind off yourself, because it's a losing spiral and let's face it, introspection can achieve only so much. It reaches the point where you have to quit hiding in thoughts about yourself and get active and interested in other things

Getting active is the key. But, as you'd know, it's the hardest thing to do. Much easier to tell yourself that you have to 'sort yourself out' first.

But no -- the way to do it is to get active and interested in other things, other people --- THEN you'll discover that like magic, you've been sorted out in the process. True

Short of a miracle, you're not going to wake up tomorrow or next week and find you've won or inherited a million dollars. That's fact. We all deal with it and you'll have to deal with it and get it out of the way

But ... your life has to go on, so might as well get up now and do some star jumps and stretches to push some blood into your brain

Your ancestors faced unimaginable hardships and survived. Obviously, or you wouldn't exist. So ... you have their blood running in your veins. That's a bonus you got for free, so recognise it and start being appreciative. You have what it takes. Not to be an instantly rich and popular individual maybe. But you have what it takes to survive. And as long as you're surviving, opportunities will roll along. But you have to be ready and smart enough to recognise them when they do. And you'll only do that if you're on the ball. So make being on the ball a project. Gear up and be ready to live and to take whatever life brings your way

It's NOT all about money. You need to accept that and at 21, you should be able to

Many, even most of us, just scrape along from one near-disaster to the next. That's life. Forget all the waffle. Look life in the face. It's a short trip as you'll learn once you get into your mid-30s

People will only find you 'interesting' if you ARE interesting. If you bore them to death by talking about yourself all the time, they'll walk. You will have to talk about them and be genuinely interested in them and their problems, successes, etc. if you want them to stick around

So --- start finding out how interesting, inspiring, courageous, decent, etc. people are ! And they are ! Everyone I've ever met has been worth at least one book. With some of those books being better than others, of course. But everyone *IS* interesting -- little old ladies in supermarkets, kids kicking stones along the road, the postman, the miserable looking woman along the street. Every single one has struggled, loved, lost and got off their knees to try again. They look ordinary, but then again, so you do, most probably ... so do most of us

See life as a trip. Maybe a bus or train trip. You're on it. You don't remember getting on. All you know is, for as long as you can remember, you've been on that bus or train, surrounded by others. Some you like, some you don't. Some will get off the bus (will die) before you. And some will remain after you get off (die).

None of us knows for sure just where the final destination is, but we're in it together and the train or bus only goes one way. We have to learn to get along with the other passengers. Along the way, we have experiences, some good, some awful. It's all part of the trip. Some are in first class all the way, whilst others are in 'basic'. That's it. That's Life

All those bits of yourself you claim are fighting are simply 'you' .. they're all you. They're not separate. It's up to you to squish them all together and mould them into a team ! You won't make it by dividing yourself up like a pizza. You don't have time for those games. You have to get moving or next you'll know, you'll be 30 and still in the same spot

Register with every employment agency you can find. Submit job applications every day. To start with, take anything on offer. Half a loaf is better than none. Keep at it. Make it a project and don't let yourself quit. That thing you call your 'ego' is really the adult-you, pushing you to get moving. It was bequeathed you by your ancestors who knew that getting moving is proof you're still alive and still in there with a chance

When you've cleaned your room from top to bottom and sorted out your wardrobe and all those drawers filled with the past -- and when you've gone through the Want-ads thoroughly and submitted job applications for that day -- then get physically active, either around the house and yard ... or go for a run, go for a swim, go for a walk. Get outside and get that head up and blood racing

Say 'hi there' as you pass people. Say it as you pass stores or stop to buy a bottle of water. Get used to saying it first. Smile. Look at those tired and worried faces as you pass them as realise that behind each face is a story and a person who, like you, is struggling daily.

Volunteer. Maybe you can shelf-stack at the local library ? Maybe you could be a teachers' aide or help out at a shelter ? Become known. Get to know people.

Are you into politics ? If so, you could go along to a party meeting. You'd meet like-miinded others there. You might find something worth committing to, something worth fighting for, or against

Jot down a few goals .. short, medium, long term. they might change next week, but that's ok. They'll be interesting for you to look back on, in ten years time and might inspire you all over again, then

Tell yourself you're strong, smart and healthy. Repeat it as you go to sleep each night. Bring energy up from your feet. Visualise it. Then feel it. And go USE it

Ever thought of trekking in Patagonia ? Or somewhere else ? Ok. So get in and learn about Patagonia. Focus right in there. Then find out about trekking. Or deep sea diving. Or charity work in Uganda. THAT is going to make you interesting ! To others. It could change your life and direction in the process

Visualise yourself attracting the sort of people you'd like to be. Find out what makes them tick

See life as a loaf of bread. You're starving. Are you a nibbler or are you going to tear chunks whole out of that loaf ? Either is fine, just fine. We're all different and we change as we move along the journey of Life

You've got what it takes. Dig in, find it and use it. Your ancestors didn't fight to live for nothing. You have to do your bit too. Start by giving to others. Then enjoy when it starts coming home to you

Most of all --- get moving. Even if it's just baby-steps to begin with

Best of luck . Maybe we'll meet along the way

reply to post by Mr Green

No need to be sorry, I'm not here to defend or promote channelings .... we all take what we need from where we are guided. I, however, trust certain off-world entites far more than any human here on earth, except me, of course!

Originally posted by mryanbrown
reply to post by blujay

 

While the advice is good, I myself would have troubles believing someone who claims to be channeling 'Jesus' who is just like Jesus but not Jesus.

False prophets seeking to pervert the coming change.

The whole page @ www.jeshua.net... reeks of horrible religious scifi.

If your focus is on horrible, perverse, falseness, then that is what you will see. I always say to myself, 'this is how I create my reality now' and if I don't like what I am seeing, I have the know-how and the power to change it.

I'd say lighten up a bit and enjoy.

We are here to enjoy our lives. Sure, we came at the end of this cycle to evolve quickly, and we are surrounded by chaos and, as you term, 'false prophets'. The challenge lies in finding your center, your balance, and taking in the events as an observer.

I find many pearls of wisdom on many channeling sites (it is the most ancient and raw form of communication from the other side of the veil) and also through channeling my higher self. I take what works for my life and walk away from the rest.

Do you really think this is a topic to be debating about ones one beliefs, you are playing with peoples emotions and feelings here. The most anyone can do here is offer support and a virtual shoulder to cry on, sometimes people just want somebody to listen to what they have to say.

I know I posted a video to Mooji, reason being I have many many years experience of what the OP is going through so I can very much relate to his/her experience. Mooji offers great support and amazing advice no matter what you believe, some of you are not helping the situation by adding your beliefs to your advice. I have been on the receiving end of people trying to make me fit an image in their mind, and I ended up worse off.

Some of you are only creating more illusion for the OP.

I'm Just saying...........

reply to post by InfiniteOmnipresence


Believe it or not the fights and issues we have in our lives as struggles are a struggle to us because we make them. Stop highlighting these issues and giving them energies which drain you. If you are peaceful when you mediate, use your meditation to help you as well. Spirituality is a discipline and hard work just like anything else would be and we have to work on it, constantly. You can most definitely achieve what you want because you've already acknowledged the problems. Take one step at a time. It's okay if you mess up or reverse. It happens, and when you feel awful about doing it that awful feeling will discourage you from doing it next time.

Let go of your Ego self. Ego is the part of you that separates yourself from everyone else, this could possibly be way you feel like you're not from here. You need to recognize the God in you. Remember that God is everything and everyone, all life. Once you recognize the God in you, you will easily recognize God in other people. And you will have compassion and love for them. That will surely help you with competition, being first and you have to have the best and the whole *you/i* factor. Because you will have recognize that it's not i/me but us/we, and you will want to give your best to other people.
Remember always, Treat others how you want to be treated. Recognize God in everything, and Karma. What goes around comes around and that goes for both positive and negative energy. Also remembered that you are loved, and that people do care about you..even if they don't know you, because they recognize that you and them are the same.

reply to post by InfiniteOmnipresence

I'm about to turn 21 and I still live at home

Have you tried a job? Are you going to college? If you're going to college I can understand but... if not.. take control of your freaking life.

have been spoiled since I was young, and I'm horrible with managing money. I have anxiety issues and I'm sure I'm bipolar

Get to learning. It's not that difficult. Income - Expenses = Profit.

Not sure about your self diagnosis. Maybe you're just lonely. Go to the bar.

My ego is constantly causing me to feel horrible by barraging me with guilty thoughts and feelings. I find myself calling MYSELF a spoiled worthless b*tch that can't even find the power to get a job. I care so much what other's think of me that sometimes I can't even go hang out with friends because of fear of judgment

Don't blame your ego for your problems. It's kind of funny, because someone with an ego wouldn't have these issues. Sounds like you have a lack of ego.

This rat race of greed is so heart-wrenching for me to witness. This strive to maximize profits by any means is holding us back!

On one hand, you're right. On the other hand, this is just an excuse used by people who can't get off their butts and go make money. Just find something you're good at (or like I said earlier, have an excuse such as going to college).

Three years since my last relationship. If you have any advice for me please reply

Wow, you must be so depressed. I've never had a relationship. I'm constantly getting hurt. But you don't see me pouting on an internet forum.

You want some advice? Either change your definition of love, or realize that love is bull#. Quit trying to be in some meaningful relationship. Have fun, show love, and when you want to reproduce.. then you can "Fall in love".

You need a reality check, not some vague and pointless spiritual hogwash.

Quit sitting around your house alone and go out to do something.

Hey man, Dock9 is right...you sound like a normal 21 yr old that is struggling with facing adult life and situations. The feelings you feel are all normal...you will face these for your entire life...BUT, you will mature and after the 2nd or 3rd time, realize that you can handle it.

At your age, life is tough..throw in a poor economy and you have a reason to be down.

This ego vs spirit...in Christian terms, it is the flesh battiling the spirit... we all deal with it...some better than others. It is important that you continue to develope spiritually. Look for the things that make you happy, for it comes not from money and things, but from within.

Don't give up... look up.

First off I'd like to state that I'm responding to the OP and haven't read the entire thread so if I'm restating something or jumping into an ongoing dialog, please forgive, not my intention.

Hear this: it is obvious to me that you have no crisis of spirit and your spirit seems sound. My hope is that you would not seek professional help because "at the end of the day" all therapy is prodding you towards changing the way you think about things and after all that is a gift we humans all share, the ability to create thought. You could explore various techniques to deal with ego but awareness is the key to detachment and putting your thoughts and feelings about your ego in perspective. My personal mantra: objective reality does not exist in the corporeal world.
All reality is by definition subjective, therefore it has no existence outside experience. Crudely phrased "stuff happens", events occur, things do exist corporeally. But reality is an entirely different space entirely, and it all occurs between your ears.

gj
edit spell

[edit on 10-4-2010 by ganjoa]

IDK about egos but I see my ego as a space pirate lol, and I see my ID as a ravager of planets stranded on a desserted planet. While I, here am like you. It is tough getting some of these things in words because idk conclusions are meant to be acheived by an individuels point of view which is why it is tough to explain pretty much anything haveing to do with the thoughts of not feeling normal and the thoughts for such thoughts. Instead people with such thoughts are labeled and are told things except it still makes no sense. I guess we spin, and spinners are webbed in the storm that is confusion and wonder of such confusion.

OP, if you're still following this thread, and not to derail or hi-jack but more an attempt to perhaps give you some perspective as to why you may be feeling this way, I made a thread this morning that may shed some light on why you're feeling the way you are:

Are You on the Journey to Becoming an Angel or a Demon?