Great thread here and I liked a lot of the responses.
To the OP -- good job with such an early disillusionment at your age! Many people -- most people, really -- never reach a point of disillusionment in
any stage of their lives, so, for you to be at this point in your life, entertaining the deepest questions of life itself, is a great thing to do.
I'm twice your age and I've discovered that there IS meaning in life and there ARE reasons for which to live, to deal with the challenges in our
world in ways that can enable your soul to grow and evolve.
In order to dig deep into why life exists, why you exist and why we are here, it is vital to get the BIG PICTURE of what is really going on with life.
The best place for you to start would be to study the Ra Material...
... that can get you going in the right direction in the answering your deep questions about life itself and why you are here.
In a nutshell, most of us who exist in 3-D (3rd Density) as we know it are here for one central reason: to learn about choices, to make those choices
and to live by the consequences -- good or bad -- of those choices.
The central purpose to 3-D as we know it is about CHOICES.
Choices to be made on love or fear, light or dark, anger or forgiveness, war or
peace, up or down, wisdom or ignorance and so on. Choices. ATS is about making choices towards awareness and away from ignorance and I fully support
that, hence I'm here to help myself, as well as others.
So as you live your live making your choices, as you create a thread of a life based on the choices that you make, you are shaped by the choices that
you make and don't make. You learn the benefits made by good choices and the consequences made by bad choices.
Your learning about choices prepares you for the next stage in life, which is to exist on the 4-D level of reality, which is the 4th Density stage of
soul evolution. In that stage, you learn life lessons that center around unconditional love and it is into the 4-D dimension that Earth is just about
to shift into when 2012 arrives.
Then what you learn in 4-D prepares you for the 5-D stage of soul evolution. And so on, until you reach 6-D, in which you start to merge with other
souls in what's called a "Social Memory Complex" and that complex in 6-D starts to unify the once-ever-present duality (yin/yang, love/fear) that
was prevalent in the previous Densities and, in 6-D, duality merges into unity.
Then there's 7-D, which is a stage that prepares the Social Memory Complex to move towards re-merging with the Source, the Intelligent Infinity, the
One Infinite Creator, from which the many souls in the Social Memory Complex had emerged eons ago, each one as a separate spark of the Divine, each
with a compelling, unstoppable urge to return to the Source, from which each spark had emerged into the worlds of illusion, of duality.
So, at 3-D, one is a long ways from re-merging with the Infinite Creator, but, when one starts to question about why life in 3-D exists, then one is
well on the way to discovering the answers that would propel one to be ready to shift upward into the next level of soul evolution, which is the shift
upwards into 4-D.
So check out the url for the Ra Material. Many answers are there.