The Pain of Greed (Advice Needed)

I need some advice ATS friends!

I don't understand greed. I don't understand what makes people want to be greedy or go back on their word!
Why does money change people? Why do they let it change them?

My son was going to join the Air Force, and would have went in with rank due to his teen years being spent in an auxillary program. Heres my dilemma. He has a very wealthy grandma. Said grandma talked him out of joining the military and going to a university with the promise that she would pay for it. She has given him five thousand dollars once! Not a drop in the bucket to what this university costs. My husband and I have even had to borrow money to keep him in. That is in edition to the over ten thousand dollars that he now has and growing in student loans after just the first year. He made the Deans list. He is a good kid. I don't know what to do. We can't borrow anymore and he will have to drop out if she doesn't honor her word! This was her idea! She promised him!!
I could work 24-7 and not make the money that he needs. We send him what we can...I have let her know what he needs for this year and so far she has ignored me. I don't know what to do! What should I do? Does a verbal agreement count in court?

[edit on 31-8-2009 by Greenize]

reply to post by Greenize



It sounds like to me that he would qualify for a grant from the Air Force to stay in school but put his time in after he graduates.
www.collegescholarships.org...

Taking relatives to court almost never works out to anyones benifit.

reply to post by whaaa


Thats just it...I don't want court, I want her to keep her promise. As a mother of course I was relieved that he didn't go into the military, especially now...I still don't want him in there.

Either you husband (or ex), who so ever is the son to the woman, must step up and talk to her. As the daughter-in-law, you must step back. If he won't step up and talk to his mother then your son must drop out or make other arraignments.

reply to post by Doctor G


This is such a complicate story... my father in law was killed after they had been married for 15 yrs She is a step relative. My son was a baby then and grew up knowing her as grandma. Anyway...there was a lawsuit...she said from the beginning that whatever she got she was going to split 3 ways... a third for her and a third for my husband and same for his sister... she snuck and settled out of court for a large sum and began not having anything to do with her step children. She does however love the grandchildren... Its a sticky thing and that is why I am having trouble knowing how to handle this.

reply to post by Greenize


If I were him I'd go and tell her how disappointed I was that she never kept her promise.
At the same time tho, there are plenty of things for an intelligent individual to do if they don't go to university. He doesn't HAVE to be there.

Of course you know this, but how bad would pulling him out really be?

reply to post by heyo


It would suck! He had his plans made, she changed those plans for him by making a promise. As I stated, he worked hard and made the deans list...he really wants this. If I have to he will understand, but this is her doing. Do you see my point? He has set new goals for himself based on her word...

reply to post by Greenize


I see what you're saying...but, I mean, I grew up on welfare so I know when a handout is necessary. What she's doing is borderline senile imo, but doesn't the 5000 dollar gift put him above most kids in term of gifts? Those who've never recieve any money at all, ever?

If his school is that expensive, go to a cheaper one. I'm in canada and here there are ample student loans...dunno about the states but up here you can get through school, it's afterwords paying back the loans that suck!!!

Maybe it's time to look at other schools where his credits are transferable???

reply to post by heyo

Thank you for your responses!

Its not that I don't appreciate the 5000.00 that she gave him. I do, as does he. We both cried and thanked her a million times... I don't think he should have to change schools... but he has checked into it. And as I stated he already has 10000.00 in student loans after just his first year and it is my opinion that he shouldn't have those based on what she told him. Look, this is my child... I can take a lot of things but not anyone messing with my children. I can't help it, I think she should honor her promise. There is still time so I guess I will wait and see but this is really stressing me. She got his hopes up and now he has a dream, a goal... you can't fault him for that... My life hasn't been easy either, maybe that is inpart why I want this so badly for him.



[edit on 31-8-2009 by Greenize]

reply to post by Greenize


Write her a really nice letter, and beg her for the money. That is my advice. But no blame or anything in it - lay that on her after you get the required cash for the cost involved.

reply to post by OmegaPoint




I did that yesterday!! I really didn't know what else to do. I thought sure I would hear from her today...but alas...nothing...

reply to post by Greenize



Student loans are easy to rack up, but as far as i know, they are notoriously easy to pay back. Interest free periods, declaration of insuffictient income to lower payments, things like that. 10g for his first year aint bad at all....of course, i'm assuming that's not JUST his tuition, but a large proportion of his lving allowance.
...but this is all beside the point, i know.
I'd shut her out, and maybe it's time for him to learn that whenf amily stops treating family like family, they're no longer family?
...would it kill him inside to shut out ol' gramma?...even if it would, she obviously doesn't understand what she's doing, or she aint worth it...

reply to post by heyo

Good point but...
It makes me cry to think about it and I don't think he would have the heart to do that, he loves her. I try to tell myself that whatever is meant to happen is what will happen, it just doesn't make it any easier!!

reply to post by Greenize


If you wrote the letter, then there's nothing much more you can do, but maybe have him move schools, or simply go to any lengths to take on the burden yourself ie: second mortgage, whatever it takes.

She was well intentioned, but may not have understood the cost involved.

Try letting her off the hook maybe, and then watch her pitch in!

reply to post by Greenize


Before I can make a reply I need to ask some questions.

Does your son work while in college?

Did your son come to you for advice on the deal before he made it with her?

Are you sure she has lots of money still?

Just how much money do consider lots of money? Millions or thousands?

Did your son know before striking this deal with her that she had gone back on her word to your husband and his sister?

Are you sure its because of greed that she isn't paying or did she not have the money left to pay for this but did not want to see her grandchild go off to service and maybe become a fatality?

Why hasn't your son spoken to her about this instead of you or your husband?

Has your son thought about taking less classes at a time and working to help pay his way?

Is there a cheaper college he could attend or one closer to home so he wouldn't have to pay living expenses?

Has he checked around for employers that have education incentives as part of the benefit package?