If I took apart all that I am
would you see me
not the me that you want me to be
but the me that I am
I am flawed... I am human
If I lay my heart out before you
would you believe that it is bruised
that it feels...that it hurts
If I bare my soul
would you hear me
could you take the time to listen
to understand what I feel
If I could let you into my dreams
would you chase away the monsters
would you comfort me
protect me...light my darkness
If I held your hand
would you sense my nervousness
feel the reluctance that I feel
can I trust you with me
If I gave you a piece of my mind
would you teach me
show me how to love again
how to tear down the walls
If I give you a piece of my soul
will you hold it softly
treat it as if it is your own
When I take apart all that I am
will you understand
that I am flawed...I am human
I am just me
that is all I can give you

Upon rereading this tonight, I am not real sure what my frame of mind was last night or even if I like this one...I'll have to wait a couple of days and read it again!

I liked it, Greenize, even though you're not sure. I hope you don't mind if I interject a few thoughts as I read.

Originally posted by Greenize
If I took apart all that I am
would you see me
not the me that you want me to be
but the me that I am

This could not be seen, only felt. Taking apart all that you are would only leave the soul, which is impossible to disect. Eyes are only poor light receptors, but there is another invisible light within that's purer by far.

I am flawed... I am human
If I lay my heart out before you
would you believe that it is bruised
that it feels...that it hurts

We are all flawed. The imperfections begin to stick to us not long after we begin being critical of others and ourselves. Yes, it hurts to know our weaknesses, our failings, just as others fail us with theirs. If our hearts were not bruised, we might never know how we bruise another.

If I bare my soul
would you hear me
could you take the time to listen
to understand what I feel

If I knew your soul, it would say 'Hello, sister/brother/father/mother, how are we all today?" We would share everything, if only our souls were bare. But we are imprisoned in our mortal bodies, seldom allowed out, not even for a moment.

If I could let you into my dreams
would you chase away the monsters
would you comfort me
protect me...light my darkness

Dreams are the writing on the wall of the mortal prison. The script is written in bright colors, read by all who pass by, known by all prisoners. Dreams are postcards from the soft silent cell. If I was in your dreams, I would make gargoyles into rabbits, monsters into butterflies and bring light to every dark corner.

If I held your hand
would you sense my nervousness
feel the reluctance that I feel
can I trust you with me
If I gave you a piece of my mind
would you teach me
show me how to love again
how to tear down the walls

Back to reality. Can we trust ourselves to do the right things at all times? No, (good times, bad times, you know we have our share), reality is full of turmoil and serendipidy. If you ever find your soul-mate, you might stand a half a chance

If I give you a piece of my soul
will you hold it softly
treat it as if it is your own
When I take apart all that I am
will you understand
that I am flawed...I am human
I am just me
that is all I can give you

I'd prefer that bit of your soul, so much like that which already hold within mine. They are as two drops of the purest water, mingling and becoming one.







[edit on 20-8-2009 by Lug]

That was beautifully said and I want to thank you! I appreciate you taking the time to say that!!!

Ok, upon reading and re-reading I have decided that this piece is good and I like it. It is out of the norm for me as it doesn't have a flow...

What threw me off a bit was the split between harsh reality and the spiritual.

I'm wondering if it wouldn't work better if some of the lines were placed differently. For instance, what if instead of mixing the two, they were seperated, like this-


If I took apart all that I am
would you see me
not the me that you want me to be
but the me that I am
I am flawed... I am human
If I held your hand
would you sense my nervousness
feel the reluctance that I feel
can I trust you with me
If I gave you a piece of my mind
would you teach me
show me how to love again
how to tear down the walls
If I lay my heart out before you
would you believe that it is bruised
that it feels...that it hurts
If I bare my soul
would you hear me
could you take the time to listen
to understand what I feel
If I give you a piece of my soul
will you hold it softly
treat it as if it is your own
If I could let you into my dreams
would you chase away the monsters
would you comfort me
protect me...light my darkness
When I take apart all that I am
will you understand
that I am flawed...I am human
I am just me
that is all I can give you








[edit on 21-8-2009 by Lug]

I see exactly what you mean and it does work better that way...thank you! I still am not sure where this came from...its very unlike most of my writing...oh well...

Originally posted by Greenize
I still am not sure where this came from...

Maybe it came from your heart instead of your mind.

I wouldn't change a word.

I liked it just the way you originally wrote it. I never felt that poems had to ryhme or have rules of any kind.

Very heart felt. S&F

Sometimes the best poetry is the poetry that allows you to truly express yourself, the poetry without bounds to rhyme and such. That is where you will really understand and visualize the soul that is in a person.

I am glad you shared this and I feel I got a little piece of you, the real you.

As words of mind and heart be felt
A soul inside is I
As expression and feeling through words be dealt
I feel your heart in mine

As recognition needs to breathe
Our inner thoughts will shout
Thank you for a piece of you
Deep inside of me it sprouts



[edit on 24-8-2009 by N3krostatic]