Why do people cheat on their partners?

And lets not forget these, cheating is cheaper than divorce (initially), because the new partner gives the attention the old partner doesn't, the new partner is willing to do or try things the old one won't, or they just fell out of love, but were afraid to lose what they had in property.

I don't believe the world is any worse now than it's ever been 50 years or 500 years ago, it's just that media has brought it into our living rooms and so now it's an open subject. The same for murders, perverts, and any other crime you care to name.

For those who say they've never cheated. My question to you would be have you ever been tempted? If so, how do you know that you might not take that next step if the tempting contiuned for long enough. And what about 'looking' at another person and thinking of having sex with them. Isn't that a form of cheating? Most cheating doesn't happen overnight, the desires build over time.

People cheat because they don't love you.

End of story.

The fact is that many relationships aren't based on love. They are based on social status, financial security, sexual excitement (at first, but it fades), fear of loneliness, etc.... but not love.

...and eventually the most base reason for being with someone (sex) starts to fade (because there is no love), so they want and begin to seek a person to have a new intense orgasm with, but they stay with the person they are cheating on because of the wrong reasons they got together with the person in the first place.

Sad, but true. That's why people cheat.

Originally posted by JaxonRoberts
This is a human phenomenon that I truly don't understand. I know that they say it's instinct. That males are genetically driven to 'spread their seed', and females are genetically driven to bond with one male. But women cheat as well as men, so it can't just be genetic. There must be a psychological component.

I have never cheated on someone, but have been cheated on almost every time. Thoughts???

It is also physical. In monkeys a female will have intercourse with many males so their sperm can compete for the strongest to reach the egg. Human males that are away from their female partners will have a much higher sperm count when they get back together even when the time between ejaculations are the same. This is so his sperm will have a better chance of competing if another male was there in his absence. In many species there is a dominate male that over powers the other males to have all the females for himself..once again the best genetics get to reproduce.

Our intelligence over comes millions of years of cheating, but it is not always successful….

reply to post by JaxonRoberts


What is this big need to remain faithful to one partner? A human moral dilema and a real dumb one at that. Forget sexual realtionships for just a minute and look at all your relationships from family friends and co workers. As individuals we are all different, and on any given day we can feel different than we did the day before or even the hour before. I often say I have many "me's" that is not to say I have a multipersonality complex. I just except that all of us are multi faceted. Which sounds much nicer than two faced.
So if you except that you are more than just a one dimensional characther then it kind of stands to reason that you may look outside of your relationship to find someone who can fill another need/urge.
Marriage and infidelity are not laws of nature they are laws of man, and not every man made law was put in place for us to benefit.
I believe it to be totally unnatural to tie yourself to one person.

I believe men cheat because they just crave something new, something different.
A new sounding moan?, a different bite on the ear?, a different body to squeeze and taste?

Men are driven by sex. Its in their DNA, nothing about spreading a seed its about the physical need to romp the female sex because it feels good.

women on the other hand, I believe cheat for more psychological reasons.

Maybe they want to manipulate the man they are cheating with?
Maybe they want to hurt the one they are cheating on?
Maybe they crave some attention?
Maybe they do it to feel better about themselves?

Who knows how the female mind works... they are truley unusual species.

Atleast men are simple!

reply to post by JaxonRoberts


Or simply because they can.

I don't think people are meant to stick with one person forever. It's kind of like eating pizza every night sometimes you get bored and want some Chinese food or a steak, that doesn't mean you like the pizza any less. Maybe my morals are screwed up, but I just think it's a dumb idea to act like you own your partner and they are your property.

I'm not saying that you shouldn't be loyal and loving and all that, but after years and years some people just need a break for a weekend. I know people that have cheated, they are not super promiscuous or anything they just were not having their needs met at home, but they loved their partner and didn't want to end a relationship just because of bad sex.

[edit on 20-7-2009 by miraclerock]

Honestly most of it is miscommunication between partners. One of the number one things that friends complain about is females punishing them for whatever reason by withholding sex. Well, nothing sets a guy off on a chase is having a woman flirt with him while the wife is withholding. Also men a lot of times don't take into consideration that a female often needs attention and a little romance.

I have never cheated. Been accused of it at times and had a partner that tried to sit under me for 24/7 which was horrible even so much as to sit outside the bathroom and talk like I was going to slip out of the window or something.

My current partner that I have been together for several years. We agreed to be open to talk about anything. As a consequence we are best friends as well as romantic partners. I am not tempted although I do flirt with people vaguely which is what I have always done but, it means nothing. At this time I see us taking on each other's traits. If there was some high need (there isn't yet) to go outside the relationship we would do it together. Ah true love!

A lot of it also depends on as well being open enough to know what each other expect from a relationship and making decisions on whether this would be a good thing. Just because someone looks good doesn't mean they are good for you.

Tell your partner and move on. Why drag it out?

Because we have been trained and indoctrinated that relationshsips must be forever to count as being meaningful.

I am 36 years old and have been in a few relationships - each time thinking this is it, he is the "one". I have realized that we may have many "ones" in life - A different one for a different stage in our lives.

A lot of people are in relationships in which they are unhappy - but society treats the end of a relationship as something negative. As a result break ups are often volatile and can be painful. We want to avoid them so we stay depsite the fact that we may be unhappy or unsatisfied.

I am lucky in that my partner and I are very open with each other. If I need something I never hesitate to tell him. Cheating because I am unfilled sexually, psycologically, emotionally will never be an issue for me because should I feel unfilled in anyway I won't hesitate to tell him. If my man needs more sex, he tells me - If I need more cuddles I tell him -

The bottom line: Cheating is due to lack of communication.

At last, a subject on which everyone can speak from personal experience!

My own experience is that it hurts like hell to be betrayed.

Adultery is natural to humans of both sexes. So, oddly enough, is fidelity.

Originally posted by JaxonRoberts
I know that they say it's instinct. That males are genetically driven to 'spread their seed', and females are genetically driven to bond with one male. But women cheat as well as men, so it can't just be genetic. There must be a psychological component.

But the 'psychological component' is also genetic! All behaviour is the physical outcome of gene expression modulated by environmental factors.

Women are quite as adulterous as men. It's obvious if you think about it, since it takes two to play this particular game. The difference, and it's less subtle than some may think, is that women are less promiscuous.

Suomichris came close to explaining this in his post:

Originally posted by suomichris
With men... there is an evolutionary advantage to "sowing one's seed"... this allows their genes to be propagated without them having to invest any time in the raising of the children...

Women are physically attached to babies in a way men are not - they carry them for months, feed them at the breast for many more months. This is a huge investment of time and energy. Thus a woman's reproductive strategy must be to have a few children and concentrate all she has on raising them. If a child were lost, replacing it may well cost more time and energy and effort than she has in her. Even getting pregnant accidentally is a luxury she cannot afford; so promiscuity is not for her.

A man, on the other hand, needs about fifteen minutes and the expenditure of a few hundred calories to become a father. Thus it makes sense for him to be promiscuous, to spread his risk: have as many kids as possible in the hope that at least a few grow to adulthood. I can testify from observation to the success of this strategy; I have a friend who fathered eleven children by five different mothers to his certain knowledge and who knows how many by-blows besides.

Women... are seeking two things: 1) a strong, healthy male who can 2) provide for her and their children. Normally, younger males are in better health and produce better sperm. However, younger males are often less able to provide for the children.

Perhaps this could be explained better. It's not just about strong, healthy or even young males. It's about men who turn women on. These men aren't just strong and healthy; overall, they have traits that make for strong, healthy offspring (that's what 'attractive' means, by the way; possessing genes good for the long haul).

However, these genes aren't necessarily good partner genes, or faithful husband genes; those are another set.

And women find that set of genes attractive too.

Confused? Well, women are confusing. The fact is (and there is scientific evidence to support this), women find different kinds of men attractive at different times of the month. During the fertile times, they like handsome devils who steal kisses and run. During the infertile phases, they prefer good providers.

This setup, as Chris explains, is intended to maximize the survival chances of the woman's genes, first by mingling them with strong, healthy, smart, tough, funny, sweet-talking genes through (possibly) adulterous unions, then by making partners of caring, faithful, child-loving, supportive men in order to take care of the resulting sprogs.

Isn't nature wonderful?

Originally posted by Rockpuck
I personally think women cheat just as much if not more then men... Women however are less likely to get caught.

Yes, because getting caught costs them much more than it costs men. They get left holding the baby or babies.

A story I like telling is about how wrong biologists were about birds. They were thought to mate for life, or at least for a whole breeding season. Well, they do... but they cheat. The reason generations of ornithologists never spotted that is because when birds commit adultery, they hide in bushes and suchlike. Legitimate copulations take place in the open.

[edit on 27/7/09 by Astyanax]

Weakness. That's why people cheat on their partners.

Letting physical urges override sensible thought.


I can understand people saying they were unhappy in their relationship etc. but they should talk to their partner.
If there are unreconcilable differences, then leave, and find a new partner.
If you stay together out of duty, then accept that that means you're committed to each other.

There's never a NEED to cheat.

I'm the first to admit, I love attention... I love knowing a woman is 'checking me out' and I'm also one of the worst for checking women out and flirting.

My g/f gets a bit pissed about it sometimes, but she trusts me and knows that I wouldn't actually cheat with any of these women.. its just like a game to me... How much attention can I get.

She knows if there was ever a real problem, I'd talk to her about it. If we could fix it, we would.
If we couldn't, then we'd break up... and at that point, I would start going with other women, hoping to find someone I was happy with.
Never while it would cause harm to anyone.

Everyone has their ideal image of a mate which they then project onto their current partner. When reality sets in and the two don't agree, one is inclined to look for the missing aspects elsewhere.

If the relationship is less than 3 years old, it's not love. It's hormones. Such are so strong as to clog the mind from rationally making the above comparisons. Once the hormonal imbalance wears off, then the real relationship can begin. Often, this doesn't pass the projection test.

Remember, lust comes first (creates attraction and passion in first 3 years). Then begins commitment (actually dealing with the person for who they really are and not what you believe them to be, or want them to be). Finally, love forms out of long-term commitment.

reply to post by JaxonRoberts


Because they are selfish, self-serving, self, self, self driven.

Simplest answer: Read the replies to the question.

I for example would say. I have no idea, because I never have. Never felt the need or desire to do so.
My wife is my best friend, as well as my wife. Maybe that's why I haven't ?

(married, happily, for a LONG time now)

Originally posted by JaxonRoberts
This is a human phenomenon that I truly don't understand. I know that they say it's instinct. That males are genetically driven to 'spread their seed', and females are genetically driven to bond with one male. But women cheat as well as men, so it can't just be genetic. There must be a psychological component.

I have never cheated on someone, but have been cheated on almost every time. Thoughts???

women cheat just as much as men, if not more, they are just better at it...They are more successful at it and much more sneaky...

I have witnessed it way too many times.

And these are good guys and girls cheating too..I mean besides the fact they cheat they are nice kind people who are easy to get along with and fun to hang out with and they just happen to be cheaters...


it is very complex yet so very simple......

It is always facinating too that whenever you are with somebody as in Whenever I have a Girlfriend it seems as though more women want me compared to when I am single.

it's like that thing that women can't have so they want it more..

And It's not just women, men cheat all the time, but we get blinded by sex and our sex drive and women are lets face it just a lot better at not getting caught.....

Originally posted by mblahnikluver
When you figure this out please let me know because I always get cheated on! I have never cheated and I never would. Every long term relationship I have had ended because of cheating. I am not a bad GF, actually they have all tried to come back after realizing they messed up. I am not needy, jealous, or pushy so I dont get why guys cheat on me! My friends say I am too nice and get taken advantage of. My bf now lives in AL and it is REALLY hard but I trust him even with the past I have with men cheating on me in the same town..lol I have always wondered what made them cheat. This is something I think will remain unanswered!

it could possibly be that the come across that one girl they never thought they could get because she is " out of their league " and then she is interested in them and they go for it thinking they will never have sex with somebody this beautiful again....

At least that is how 2 people i know have put it...

O and I'm sorry you keep getting cheated on. It could be something so subtle and small that neither you or your partner realizes . Like it could be something you do, but wouldn't really be obvious that could sub-consciencely get them to do it...

I'm just guessing though as I have no clue. Having been cheated on myself I know how it feels....It may have nothing to do with you though and everything to do with them, and possibly that you seem to be attracted to the same type of personality who then happens to also be a common personality that is prone to cheating, but ocne again I am just throwing ideas out there...

Originally posted by watsgoingon?

Originally posted by JaxonRoberts

me-myself-i-dont-understand-this-phenomonon??

right-now-in-these-times-it-seems-to-be-fashionable-to-cheat.

i-blame-T.V-and-especially-music-the-music-that-is-all-over-the-charts-for-eg:Timbaland-and-artists-he-is-producing-for,-alot-of-the-songs-are-in-that -vein,-cheating-and-"getting-down"-and-the-like?

as-they-say-"music-is-food-for-the-soul"-and-that-music-is-having-the-same-effect-as-fast-food-is-having-on-our-physical-health!

maybe-he-made-a-deal-with-the-"devil"?

peace

Did you just blame Timbaland for all the cheating in the world? that is ignorant.

What about before there was T.V. and commercialized music? Huh?

Or what about before American was even born?

Cheating has been going on for thousands of years...

Your theory is VERY flawed........think deeper into it and you may come up with a more accurate answer.

It's basically a huge WANT met with the availability and opportunity for that WANT to come true, and then you act upon that WANT and you have done the deed.

That is the simplest way to explain it......

Also, there is no ONE explanation.......As every person is different, so are the reasons for cheating.....


This is hard for me to think about but I too have cheated on a past GF.....Who I loved.....And still care for even though we have not been together for 2 years.....

This really hot girl at work wanted to basically F*** my brains out and i was really attracted to her.....My GF and I were going through " a rough patch" in the relationship and I acted upon that and hung out with her and 3 times we had sex.............

After that I never did again because of My guilty conscience.

I still to this day feel like a piece of sh*t because of how I betrayed her trust, and the worst part is, 3 years prior to that, I myself was cheated on and should have known what it is like on the receiving end of it....


Karma is Real and i got what was coming to me as a year later we broke up and she moved on and is doing better off without me and has a new BF and I am still haven't found anyone anywhere near how perfect she was for me........

Karma is real and it will get you.......It got me, and I deserved it.

The thing is, I am a really good guy, I am nice, good looking, get along with anyone and everyone, humble, Highly appreciative, a good friend and trustworthy.....................All except that one week where I chose to not care and give in to my WANTS !!!

I had a beautiful GF who loved me dearly and we had Tons of GREAT sex ! She actually wanted to have sex even more than I did....Which BTW was awesome.

Anyways, I still to this day re-live that week where those 3 nights haunt me.....

I know what I did was wrong , I know I am a good person , and that is by far the worst thing I have ever done in my life ........BY FAR !!!

But I still feel guilty and feel like I let myself down and was not honest to her or myself and I vowed after that , that I would never let that happen to me again, that i would never give in to such temptations , nor would I be the person to help somebody cheat on their BF.


I am so much more wise now than I was 3-4 years ago and I wished I was able to resist. The thing is, I had resisted many temptations while in that relationship before........I turned down many girls because I was in Love with one and only one girl.......

The thing that took it over the edge was that this girl Really Really wanted to have sex with me and made it known and was really attractive ( I have a thing for brunettes .......and oddly enough redheads now too after having dated one :-) )

But yea I will have to live with that guilt the rest of my life knowing I could have been a better person.

I know I am a good hearted person who made ONE mistake ( actually 3 ) but that mistake is all it took for Karma to come kick me in the balls............


Hopefully many of you read this post and think twice before you even think about cheating..........Trust me it is not worth it, no matter if she is a 10........it's just not worth it.....