Why do people cheat on their partners?

This is a human phenomenon that I truly don't understand. I know that they say it's instinct. That males are genetically driven to 'spread their seed', and females are genetically driven to bond with one male. But women cheat as well as men, so it can't just be genetic. There must be a psychological component.

I have never cheated on someone, but have been cheated on almost every time. Thoughts???

i think people cheat because they need something they cant get from their partner. maybe his partner and him havent had sex for months, and she always uses the not tonight my head hurts or the im sorry babe but i have to finish some work.
i can see why the male gets pissed, and maybe the sexual act is more to punish her than to acctually get some sex.

Because we are human and make mistakes.I have never been in a meaningful relationship and i couldn't imagine cheating on someone that i care about.But i understand that i AM human and for a variety of reasons its possible for me to stray down the wrong path given the right circumstances.

[edit on 14-7-2009 by Solomons]

When you figure this out please let me know because I always get cheated on! I have never cheated and I never would. Every long term relationship I have had ended because of cheating. I am not a bad GF, actually they have all tried to come back after realizing they messed up. I am not needy, jealous, or pushy so I dont get why guys cheat on me! My friends say I am too nice and get taken advantage of. My bf now lives in AL and it is REALLY hard but I trust him even with the past I have with men cheating on me in the same town..lol I have always wondered what made them cheat. This is something I think will remain unanswered!

Originally posted by danishD
i think people cheat because they need something they cant get from their partner. maybe his partner and him havent had sex for months, and she always uses the not tonight my head hurts or the im sorry babe but i have to finish some work.
i can see why the male gets pissed, and maybe the sexual act is more to punish her than to acctually get some sex.

Well as someone who never uses that excuse I dont buy that as a reason. It doesnt matter, if you truly love someone you will be faithful and not stray. I have had 3 long term relationships all end cause of cheating and they could have all the sex they wanted..lol So I dont think that is it...might be for some but the majority no.

reply to post by mblahnikluver


okey but then if that chick he works with was like really really hot, and she was totally like, hey babe no one will never notice, lets just do it in my car after work. it is easy to get tempted, and do stupid things.
and look at movies the couple always end up together again.

coming from a guy who never cheated.

This is a very interesting question. Personally, I believe it comes down to dissatisfaction and drudgery; also, I truly think that no matter how happy you are in your current relationship, you can meet someone who makes you happier. Too often, we stay in relationships because of this feeling of duty. Love should not be a duty, it should not require work. If it becomes that broken, or that dour, we shouldn't be forced into thinking that we have to stay together.

Our happiness is demonized, really. Stay with the same partner, no matter if your heart is elsewhere. It's sad to me.

Originally posted by danishD
reply to post by mblahnikluver

 

okey but then if that chick he works with was like really really hot, and she was totally like, hey babe no one will never notice, lets just do it in my car after work. it is easy to get tempted, and do stupid things.
and look at movies the couple always end up together again.

coming from a guy who never cheated.

The industry I work in has MANY hot chicks and they all have tried to tempt my bf and he tells them he is a one woman guy. I too get hit on daily at work but I never stray because I love my bf. Even when things are tough I deal because no relationship is perfect. If I want to be with someone else I will leave that person before I cheat on them. I know it happens where he is now(8hrs from me) and they all tell me how faithful he is to me. He says something along the lines of: take the compliment that you could have gone home with that person and didnt and then come home and be with your woman.
IMO any man or woman who makes advances on someone in a relationship is trash.

As for movies, yeah I would NEVER go back to someone who betrayed my trust like that. IMO people like that are weak.

Originally posted by JaxonRoberts

me-myself-i-dont-understand-this-phenomonon??

right-now-in-these-times-it-seems-to-be-fashionable-to-cheat.

i-blame-T.V-and-especially-music-the-music-that-is-all-over-the-charts-for-eg:Timbaland-and-artists-he-is-producing-for,-alot-of-the-songs-are-in-that -vein,-cheating-and-"getting-down"-and-the-like?

as-they-say-"music-is-food-for-the-soul"-and-that-music-is-having-the-same-effect-as-fast-food-is-having-on-our-physical-health!

maybe-he-made-a-deal-with-the-"devil"?

peace

To me its kinda like why do people always look at their vomit after they did it?
Its just one of those strange things.
People change and forget to tell the other person.

It's motivated by evolution, in the case of both males and females.

With men, as you've said, there is an evolutionary advantage to "sowing one's seed" with a female partner that they don't have any long-term commitment to. This allows their genes to be propagated without them having to invest any time in the raising of the children. This is a rather "sneaky" means of passing on one's genes, but it appears to work, as the behavior is still around. It is worth noting that there is some recent research which indicates that some men are predisposed to cheat, and others are not. So not all men are dogs! Promise!

With women, it is perhaps a bit less clear, but still apparent. In evolutionary terms, women are seeking two things: 1) a strong, healthy male who can 2) provide for her and their children. Normally, younger males are in better health and produce better sperm. However, younger males are often less able to provide for the children. So, a women who is partnered with a "provider" male would see benefit if she could use his resources, but have children which are genetically from a younger, stronger male.

(Please don't get all up in arms about my generalizations of the sexes above. Humans are complicated animals, and I realize this is something of a simplification... Still, it is useful for the purposes of illustration.)

Originally posted by watsgoingon?

Originally posted by JaxonRoberts

me-myself-i-dont-understand-this-phenomonon??

right-now-in-these-times-it-seems-to-be-fashionable-to-cheat.

i-blame-T.V-and-especially-music-the-music-that-is-all-over-the-charts-for-eg:Timbaland-and-artists-he-is-producing-for,-alot-of-the-songs-are-in-that -vein,-cheating-and-"getting-down"-and-the-like?

as-they-say-"music-is-food-for-the-soul"-and-that-music-is-having-the-same-effect-as-fast-food-is-having-on-our-physical-health!

maybe-he-made-a-deal-with-the-"devil"?

peace

Wow you could be right! I mean look at tv esp reality tv where one can supposedly find love and marriage in a 12 wk period with cameras following them around all the time. Yeah right! All those people are ACTING! Music...yes I see what you mean there too!

reply to post by JaxonRoberts


BOREDOM INSECURITY LACK OF SELF CONFIDENCE/ EGO/
FEAR OF BEING OLD ONE DAY / PEER PRESSURE LOW MORALS

Why do we lie, steal, murder, slander...etc? Why do we do anything bad or hurtful? Or anything good for that matter?

Because we choose to. Really there's no mystery.

But if you were asking "Why do we choose to be bad?"

Well that's one ageless question...

reply to post by watsgoingon?


Have you got a on screen keyboard in 'accessories'?if so,use the space bar
Why do people cheat!1: If you have a itch,you've just got to scratch it.
2:As long as you don't find out,there's nothing to worry about.

[edit on 14/7/2009 by lewtra]

I think people cheat because of how sex is treated in the culture. Celebrities are basically our role models and idols. When we hear about their promiscuity, it's treated as no big deal, even like it's a good thing. We see our politicians just get a slap on the wrist.

Beyond that though, sex isn't treated as a sacred thing anymore. It's almost like people get their sense of worth by how many partners they have before they're married. And then, if, before you were married, you had many partners, whenever you wanted, that's a hard thing to change when you choose one to "anchor" yourself to one. I guess it'd be like letting yourself drink anything you want then deciding to only drink water. Your probably going to fail because, you're not used to only having the one thing.

I think when people cheat, they are making a choice, whether they choose to know and acknowledge that to themselves or not.

I think there can be a whole myriad of veriables that contribute to the action, but I think much of it stems from a [possible unconscious] desire to conquer, to be an adventuror. Most people, I think, know what they are doing is at the least disrespectful of their union and their partner; people utilize all manner of internal dialogue to self-justify it. "He won't find out"....... "I was drunk"..... "it doesn't mean I don't love her" etc. I don't think a cheating is always terminal to a relationship, but often the relationship doesn't survive the redefining of it. There is anger. More than a little bit of it, and guilt, pain, hopefully remorse.

I think sometimes the common denominator is an inability to communicate one's needs -- even to the point of negotiating a compromise with a partner.

It comes down to making a plan for oneself, and choosing to honor it or not. I promised m'Bride -- and she me -- that if either of us ever wanted to "step out" that we would end the relationship first, out of respect for each other and the times we have shared together.

I think if one puts that in their mind, it keeps fleeting impulses in check. I cherish her, and can't imagine life without her. Thus, while I might enjoy the view of another's body, I would never risk MY LIFE by breaking that promise. It puts things into perspective. If my sexual need was unfullfilled, I would communicate that to her. She is much more than a mere receptacle for my need, however her love for me would change her actions. When I was injured last year, we went several months without sex, however we never sacrificed intimacy.

sometimes people just grow apart, for whatever the reason. The manner in which the relationship is severed is everything. Like you, I have always been the cheated on one. This last time, I got lucky. So did she. We've been happily married 22 years this September. We keep it fresh, which is sometimes hard to do on a dinky island. The effort is everything, and the result secondary.

I cannot speak for anyone else, but these are things I consider why one would cheat.

There is many reasons,

1) You are with someone and they do not want to try new things or you do not want to try new things and you or they become sexually frustrated.

2) You are with someone and they act like its a burden that they have to please you or you act like its a burden to please them.

3) You are with someone and they love you and you love them, but you or they are not in love and rather than hurting their feelings, you or they seek comfort elsewhere. (yes I know if they find out it will hurt them, but your at least putting that off by not just up and calling it quits, weather it be for financial, emotional, or for reasons of stability you stay.)

4) Like number one and three, you may love them and also still be in love with them, but you or they will not do certain things so you or they look elsewhere for those certain things with no strings attached.

5) Temptation.

6) You want what you don't have.

I could probably go on, but this is just some things I can think of.

reply to post by JaxonRoberts


there are probably as many reasons as there are people

besides our basic animal nature -

I think one reason might be because it distracts them from the things in their life that they aren't happy with and that they don't want or know how to fix

I've noticed - it's not always about the other person - sometimes it has nothing to do with the other person at all - it's about feeling uneasy about themselves

and maybe when it really is about being unhappy with whoever they're with, cheating is one good way to throw a wrench into the whole thing without having to look that other person in the eye and explain they want out. It's a mess, but on some level - maybe it's just easier

and then - some people get caught up in the moment and really aren't that good at thinking about the moment after that

I'm sure there's plenty more

I'm sorry this has been your experience - I've been there too - I'll bet you'll hear from many, many, many more...



[edit on 7/14/2009 by Spiramirabilis]

reply to post by JaxonRoberts


Cheating has become a bigger problem than it ever has in history. Not with the world, but with America. Everyone is so caught up in the heat of the moment, and no one in this country knows how to use their brains anymore. Everything has become "Act first, regret later". And it is soon to be our demise.