Why do you make me so flippin' mad?

Maybe it's just me, but every time I hear or read something that disagrees with what I already believe, I get really mad.

I do sometimes see it in other people as well and I wonder why we have been programmed to be so closed minded and what it takes to open it up a little.

Did I do this to myself? Whose fault IS it?

Who really stands to gain if I refuse to accept a new theory, or even pretty overwhelming evidence?

What is this mechanism at work that would have me deny my OWN ignorance, laugh in your face and become angry or defensive when you point out my misunderstanding?

"yeah, ok, the world IS round, and you're a JERK!'

It happens to alot of people I'm guessing. I have people that I have never interacted with, make me their foes leaving me to wonder which post I made that pissed them off.
It would help their cause to leave me a comment as to what I did to make them mad at me.

Originally posted by KSPigpen
Maybe it's just me, but every time I hear or read something that disagrees with what I already believe, I get really mad.

I do sometimes see it in other people as well and I wonder why we have been programmed to be so closed minded and what it takes to open it up a little.

Did I do this to myself? Whose fault IS it?

Who really stands to gain if I refuse to accept a new theory, or even pretty overwhelming evidence?

What is this mechanism at work that would have me deny my OWN ignorance, laugh in your face and become angry or defensive when you point out my misunderstanding?

"yeah, ok, the world IS round, and you're a JERK!'

I THINK its because we work so hard to come to an understanding of the world and events affecting it that when a new "theory" is presented we become overwhelmed and naturally become defensive. On the other hand, we are here to deny ignorance. No body likes to admit they are wrong even to themselves. No body wants to be considered wishy-washy, so we stubbornly hold on to our "truths" even if they are flat out wrong. Go figure.

You cant expect everyone to beleive what you think. and you cannot belive that you are right about everything.

that is ignorance.

Julie, I love your avatar, even if it is a bit distracting..lol

KSPigPen, it is probably as simple as EGO. I consider as probably something like:

You made your decision to believe whatever based on some information you received in your past. When confronted with information or ideas that contridict that information, you rail against it because you don't want to have to admit that you are wrong and/or have been duped. This may not even be a concious process.

When you give up your ego and stop really caring what people think about you, good or bad, it is a lot easier to grow and adapt to new information. Just be careful to hold to standards of evidence and such or you could end up swaying in the breeze.

reply to post by JulieMills


Oh gosh, well, to be honest, I hit the foe button accidentally all the time. (I've already done it twice today) I've made it a regular habit to check a couple of times a day to see who I've added by mistake so I can take them off the foe list.

I usually send a U2U to let them know it was an accident.

Funny, I see the little red warn tag on ya, so mabey you do upset people!


As far as getting upset at what other people say or believe, I have learned with age to just let it go, because people will only change their beliefs and learn something new when they are ready.

reply to post by KSPigpen


What I struggle with is when someone throws out evidence that is total bunk or that they state a point of view that defies all reason or understanding. You know things like the moon is hollow and was put there by Aliens... stuff like that.

no it doesnt

just joking, dont kill me!

i get the same way sometime. It really depends on the issue, and exactly how right you think you are.

I think its more issues of morality then anything. Like the gay marriage issue. Any thread that is more then 100 pages, you can see exactly what people are getting so angry about by reading 1 or two posts. Other issues, many on this forum, are just so out there that you cant really argue successfully either way.

...dont even think about disagreeing

Actually, I don't think anyone minds whether you agree with them or not. In fact, I think rational people, at least, tend to want to hear other views.

The problem arises when people are rude to each other. There is NEVER a good reason to be rude just because someone holds a different view than you.

Also, when you can't have a face to face discussion and have to rely on typed words, they don't always portray accurately the author's intended tone. That's why it's always important to try to look at your words from a perspective of someone reading them cold. Tone is important, and is what causes most of the problems on forums.

[edit on 10/7/2009 by Iamonlyhuman]

Try to think of yourself as a lamp sending out light. A lamp does not get angry. It has no reason to get angry. It has only one purpose.

reply to post by Blanca Rose


At least you know you can un-foe a faux foe tho.


Talk about disagreement, y'all ought to see my (or any staff member's) in box sometime. Questioning everything from ethics to sanity to parentage. Not to mention the frequent suggestions to commit anatomically improbable acts. Brutal.

I wish I had a good explanation for ya, but I myself have been wondering A LOT lately why people are getting so mad at others. Maybe it's just me but it seems to have really picked up on ATS.

ATS is here for people to discuss there alternative theories, yet when someone tries to discuss these theories, people that disagree with them can't just say so and carry on a civilized, polite debate, they get all bent out of shape and start calling people:

crack pots
nut jobs
ridiculous
idiots
full of BS
fear mongerers
dooms dayers
ignorant
and on and on and on...

Who cares if someone is saying something you find outlandish? I understand some people's frustration when others have a theory, opinion, belief that they themselves don't subscribe to, but it's an entirely different matter when those people take it upon themselves to belittle and ridicule others.

Every time someone who thinks the notion of crop circles, aliens, Nibiru, hollow Earth/Moon is just plain ludicrous and then proceeds to click on the link that takes you into a thread discussing such things is looking for trouble if they're clicking on that link thinking, "I'm going to give these weirdos a piece of my mind". They made a CHOICE to go into a topic they KNOW gets their panties in a wad and then post comments as if someone forced them to not only click on that link, but also click on the reply button to tell everyone what a bunch of idiots they are, how their damaging the integrity of ATS, how they need to deny ignorance (a term that has been thrown around so much lately that it's very meaning has been watered down), etc.

People can agree to disagree but when you start making people feel like they are any of the things described above (whether intentionally or not) you've crossed a line. If you get mad, that's fine. No one can fault you for that and it's unreasonable for anyone to tell you that you don't have the right to be mad. But don't take that anger out on other people by belittling them. Even if you say that's not your intention, it is usually how you are coming across and it makes for a hostile atmosphere in one of the best forums around.

Most people like to hear opposing points of view. I do. I just take issue when people ridicule me or others for not thinking along the same lines they do.

I believe that the ATS rules and T & C frequently mention the need to remain professional, civil, polite, respectful and refrain from insults, mayhem, hostility and rudeness. Unfortunately, people get away with this all the time, especially lately.

Stress and tiredness are the main reasons why people today are so "short-fused"

You can always agree to disagree

reply to post by Iamonlyhuman


I agree. I've made a habit of always clicking on "preview" instead "reply" when I've created a post. This way, I can see, like you said, what my post looks and sounds like from the perspective of another member reading it.

Even after I decide to click reply, I usually will then read the post again once it has officially been posted. After doing that, sometimes I think, "OMG, I sound like a total b****!" and then have to go back to the drawing board.

I think a lot of people read someone's post click "reply to:" in anger, then proceed to hand someone their butt and just click "reply" and go on their merry way. Then they come back and all you-know-what has broken loose.

Originally posted by KSPigpen
Maybe it's just me, but every time I hear or read something that disagrees with what I already believe, I get really mad.

I do sometimes see it in other people as well and I wonder why we have been programmed to be so closed minded and what it takes to open it up a little.

Did I do this to myself? Whose fault IS it?

Who really stands to gain if I refuse to accept a new theory, or even pretty overwhelming evidence?

What is this mechanism at work that would have me deny my OWN ignorance, laugh in your face and become angry or defensive when you point out my misunderstanding?

"yeah, ok, the world IS round, and you're a JERK!'

How about this conundrum? Other people don't "make you mad", you allow yourself to get mad.

For me, I would have to say it depends on how someone states their views. If they come at me all angry and ticked off, I am not likely to read what they are saying, and pretty much ignore them, or just state my opinions and move on. Some people are not worth debating or talking with.

My husband get's this way, so it happens in our daily lives as well and not just here on ATS. He will have an opinion about something, and if my opinion is different, he gets all upset. I have to say to him, dude, it is perfectly all right and even healthy for me to not always think exactly the way you do. The same goes the other direction.

I also think it has to do with a lack in our school system of teaching children how to think, look at facts, debate and come to a conclusion. They are taught how to sit in little rows and answer yes or no. So when they grow up, they either never learn the technique of debating respectfully, or spend a lot of time learning how.

Harm None
Peace

But not all topics were created equal, were they?

I have strong beliefs about gravity and it's not too
hard to satisfy myself with experiment and experience
that I'm pretty close to the mark by now. Up, down, etc.

When someone says that they believe in [insert random
superstition here] then I don't have any trouble at all
calling them out. The response is always the same;
the pattern is: a condescending explanation, as if to a
slow child, anger, a personal attack, feigned pity and
finally, you are forever blocked from their mind with a
vicious blast of 'logic' that only they can understand.

You see, they either know or at least strongly suspect
that they are wrong and your 'help' is not appreciated.

That's what I like about ATS, I can scan through the topics
and find the things that may be true - even if they
are very strange, and look at the evidence presented.

The use of the word Believer irks me. Seems to be
used in a religious sense, as in 'UFO Believer'. Denier,
Debunker, Sceptic; are also unhelpful labels.

UFO Cameraman - Get your free camera tripod here!

Originally posted by rogerstigers
When you give up your ego and stop really caring what people think about you, good or bad, it is a lot easier to grow and adapt to new information. Just be careful to hold to standards of evidence and such or you could end up swaying in the breeze.

That is precisely the answer to your question OP. EGO.

Originally posted by JulieMills
It happens to alot of people I'm guessing. I have people that I have never interacted with, make me their foes leaving me to wonder which post I made that pissed them off.
It would help their cause to leave me a comment as to what I did to make them mad at me.

It would be because of your avatar. I'm tempted to put you on foe because of it but haven't actually read any of your posts, so maybe you say interesting things or maybe not.

reply to post by KSPigpen


Good topic S&F.

Like someone said no one really makes us mad.
We decide which emotional reaction to have to what others say and do.
It's our perseptual filters. It's a great opportunity to self observe our psychology. There are different philosophies that believe there are many different aspects of ourselves that take turns being incharge of the emotional reactions. I have felt my greatest achievements when I took control and reacted in a non-conditioned way to a certain event.

The same person sometimes that tells you they love you, later says they hate you? Is it the same aspect of that person?

I appreciate all of the feedback. As much as I hate to admit it, I AM human.

I DO realize that no one else has control over my emotions, but If I didn't already know that, it would be a tremendous insight, so that is much appreciated. Like G.I. Joe used to say at the end of the cartoon, 'knowing is HALF the battle.'

My EGO is a huge enemy of mine and has caused me more trouble than I care to contemplate. It fights with you guys and me every day.

Perhaps my attempt at gathering information was a little off in my original effort, as I have had people ask me 'what did I do to make you mad?' (we love to try and take ownership of things we have no power over)

What I wanted to gain some insight into was why it is we would readily die, or hurt, or even kill for what we believe and it could very easily turn out to be incorrect.

What is the secret switch that some people can flip that allows them to remain open minded and receptive to new ideas or ways of thinking, where others get so tuned in to one possibility that they outright refuse to see something else.

Why do some people take things personally when others can just let it go? What is the secret?

What I would really like to know, from someone who is very easy going, is what makes YOU that way? Was it environmennt? Was it evolution? How did you get from the point of kicking, screaming, selfish child to a person that is immune to self-doubt, internal strife and an overly sensitive view of other actions, comments or expressed beliefs?

Am I making any sense?

I make no claims to superior intelligence, Solomon-esque wisdom or Ghandi- like tolerance. What I do claim is a genuine desire for self-improvement. I have come to believe that my fellow man is perhaps the greatest source of assistance in my personal quests that I could ever ask for. (the worst as well, funny how that works.)

Am I asking for too much? Is everyone in some way limited in their capacity to accept new ideas? Am I to forever be cursed to battle with myself to control my emotions? What is the secret to making the first thought, or action the right one?