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Who Will Cry For America (poetic)

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posted on Jul, 5 2009 @ 07:10 PM
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Who will cry when the eagle
no longer has wings to soar
who will cry when the red white and blue
wave in the wind no more
Who will cry when she falls -headlong into the sea
the once proud and majestic -lady of liberty
Who will cry when the hungry of earth
she can no longer feed
who will cry when comes the mortal wound
that causes her soul to bleed
Who will cry when her armies
no longer guard your lands
who will cry when she ceases
to fill so many demands
Who will cry when no one is left
to purchase the goods you've made
who will cry when she is gone
and no ones left with which to trade
Who will cry when the medicines gone
to help care for your sick
who will cry when your left to die
don't celebrate so quick
Who will cry if the time ever comes
and America does fall
Who will cry I ask you
You will... one and all ....

[edit on 5-7-2009 by Greenize]




posted on Jul, 5 2009 @ 08:25 PM
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Wow that was REALLY quite good! I must say, I usually find most writers prose and poetry un-moving and without soul but yours is very impressive I can tell the author is going through something as I read this it puts me right where you are and that is what poetry should do.

I did find it hard to follow with the one verse being almost every other line. With the exception of one part of it where it doesn't seem TOO repetitive I think you will have a better cadence to follow if you broke it up where pauses can give it some reflection



Who will cry when the eagle
no longer has wings to soar
who will cry when the red white and blue
wave in the wind no more

Who will cry when she falls headlong into the sea
the once proud and majestic lady of liberty
Who will cry when the hungry of earth
she can no longer feed

who will cry when comes the mortal wound
that causes her soul to bleed

Who will cry when her armies
no longer guard your lands.

who will cry when she ceases
to fill so many demands

Who will cry when no one is left
to purchase the goods you've made and
no ones left with which to trade

Who will cry when the medicines gone
to help care for your sick?

when you're left to die,
you won't celebrate so quick

Who will cry if the time ever comes
and America does fall?

Who will cry I ask you?

You will... one and all ....


You can try that, not that it's how it should be but to give you an idea how it directs the reader and gives them a moment to have each verses question, time to"sink in" reflect before moving on to the next. Try it and see if you agree with what I mean. Daniel Steel is someone who is real good at how she separates and trails off her poetry if you have ever read any her work, most of the impact it has is in the way she breaks it up.

GREAT POST! and Great Poem!

I'll send this out in my emails along with the link to this thread. I think you have some real talent there and I don't say that about most poetry I read.


[edit on 5-7-2009 by DASFEX]



posted on Jul, 5 2009 @ 08:38 PM
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reply to post by DASFEX
 


Thank you!! Thank you for the advice as well. I appreciate it!!! I do like for my poems to have a certain fluidity to them, there was something a bit amiss with this one, but I couldn't bring myself to change it!


[edit on 5-7-2009 by Greenize]



posted on Jul, 5 2009 @ 09:19 PM
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Greetings,

Excellent. Very Heartfelt. Very True...

Keep it UP!



posted on Jul, 5 2009 @ 09:22 PM
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reply to post by Conclusion
 


Thank you for taking the time to read it, I am glad that you liked it!!



posted on Jul, 6 2009 @ 04:15 PM
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Another astounding piece! Loved the ending like always.

I wrote something similar to this on my flag hanging on my wall. It is covered with the sayings of founding fathers and other similar poetry. I really enjoyed this and it reminded me more of a speech instead of a poem which in reality, should be read to everyone that takes advantage what little freedom they still have.

Words like these are what echo through my mind when times get tough and when I really think about the state of things. WELL DONE!




posted on Jul, 6 2009 @ 06:21 PM
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reply to post by N3krostatic
 


As always, thank you my friend!! We are indeed living in strange times aren't we! You need to post some of your other works so that others might enjoy them, I know that I would!



posted on Mar, 10 2011 @ 10:53 PM
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I was going through my old threads, and came across this poem that I wrote... with things as they are in the world, and so much hatred for the US, I thought I would bump it.



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