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sex quotes

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posted on Apr, 22 2004 @ 02:36 PM
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borrowed from another site...or stolen actually--but still funny

Linda Lavner - There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL,

George Burns - Sex is one of the nine reasons for incarnation. The other eight are unimportant.

Rodney Dangerfield - Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.

" Woody " Allen - Having sex is like playing bridge. If tyou don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

Sharon Stone - Women may be able to fake orgasms, but men can fake a whole relationship.

Tiger woods - Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps

Jack Nicholson - My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.

Billy Crystal - Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.

Robert De Niro - According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, whereas, of course, men are just grateful.

Jerry Seinfeld - There's very little advice in men's magazines,because men think ' I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked.

Robin Williams - See, the problem is that God gave men a brain and a penis, BUT only enough blood to run one at a time.

Joan Rivers - It's been so long since I've had sex, I've forgotten who ties up whom.

Steve Martin - Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful, and natural experiences money can buy.

Elmo Phillips - You don't appreciate a lot of the stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman. Stuff you pay good money for in later life.

Oscar Wilde - Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.

George Burns - It isn't premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married.




posted on Apr, 22 2004 @ 03:14 PM
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LMAO!!! Funny!

I really liked the ones from Sharon Stone, Billy Crystal, Robert Deniro and Seinfeld. They're great. I'll save 'em for later.

But the first one really need to be updated. A 380SL ?

That ain't turning anyone on anymore. How 'bout a nice shinin' and brand spankin' new SLR 2004?


[Edited on 23-4-2004 by m0rbid]



posted on Apr, 22 2004 @ 03:28 PM
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Woody Allem is the master off the top of my head.

"Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love."

Woman: " you are an amazing lover."
Allen: "thank you, I practise alot when I'm alone."

Woman: " Sex without love is an empty experience"
Allen: " but as empty experiences go it's one of the best."



posted on Apr, 22 2004 @ 04:02 PM
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"People say crazy # during sex. One time, I called this girl "Mom"" - Randal Graves(Clerks)

"My mom's been #in' a dead guy for 30 years. I call him dad." -Randal Graves

"Why buy the cow...when you get the sex for free." -Brodie Bruce's Grandmother (Mallrats)



posted on Apr, 23 2004 @ 12:58 AM
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When a guy goes to a hooker, he's not paying her for sex, he's paying her to leave. ~Author Unknown


A dirty book is rarely dusty. ~Author Unknown


Sex. In America an obsession. In other parts of the world a fact. ~Marlene Dietrich


When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 a minute. ~Author Unknown



posted on Apr, 23 2004 @ 02:39 AM
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Robert De Niro - According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, whereas, of course, men are just grateful.

Phwroooaaarrrr !!!! (is that how you guys say that in England ?)

Aside to Pisky: Remember Sweetie...you have this thing for Kate Winslet, do you remember my internet Nic when we first met ?



posted on Apr, 23 2004 @ 03:13 AM
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Originally posted by KayEm
Robert De Niro - According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, whereas, of course, men are just grateful.

Phwroooaaarrrr !!!! (is that how you guys say that in England ?)

Aside to Pisky: Remember Sweetie...you have this thing for Kate Winslet, do you remember my internet Nic when we first met ?




just had to add this. I think you and Pisky make a fantastic couple, My cutie pie lives in Texas



posted on Apr, 23 2004 @ 03:15 AM
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hehehehe

I like this one: Jack Nicholson - My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.



posted on Apr, 23 2004 @ 08:11 PM
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Originally posted by m0rbid
LMAO!!! Funny!

I really liked the ones from Sharon Stone, Billy Crystal, Robert Deniro and Seinfeld. They're great. I'll save 'em for later.

But the first one really need to be updated. A 380SL ?

That ain't turning anyone on anymore. How 'bout a nice shinin' and brand spankin' new SLR 2004?



that car looks like a #ing shoe!



posted on Apr, 23 2004 @ 08:26 PM
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Originally posted by m0rbid



Yeah, that car is not hot at all. It might be fast, but give me a BMW M2 or M6 anyday over that.



posted on Apr, 23 2004 @ 08:47 PM
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Originally posted by Sapphire

just had to add this. I think you and Pisky make a fantastic couple, My cutie pie lives in Texas


That's a sweet thing to say, I appreciate that, Sapphire


You say your sweetie-pie lives in Texas ? but what about you ? (sorry, I can't access your avatar from here and I can't remember where you are from)

Are you two internet loves, like me and Pisky originally ? If you're apart, Sapphire, I want you to know that my heart goes out to you. I know only too well how that feels. (sorry, I hope I'm not presuming here).

Brightest Blessings,
KayEm



posted on Apr, 23 2004 @ 08:52 PM
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Ok. Now I see it. Canada...wow

This reminds me of a couple Pisky and I know from our early days (around 1999 or so) online.

We belonged to a reading chat room (where we met incidentally) and met a couple in there and became chat buds for quit a while, then lost touch sadly. Anyhoo, she was from Canada and he was from Texas, so what you posted instantly reminded me of them.

They are still together as far as I know. They're married and living quite happily in Canada.

Anyway..you can consider this a Post script to my first post lol..sorry, I tend to ramble



posted on Apr, 24 2004 @ 12:47 PM
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Sex can wait, masturbate....



posted on Apr, 24 2004 @ 01:37 PM
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haha, that's about it, mig.




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