posted on Mar, 17 2009 @ 02:50 PM
Warning: If you don't want to hear about suicide or alternative lifestyle then this thread isn't for you.
I've decided to give ATS a view from my perspective, from the perspective of a 19 year old 'gay' man. On ATS i've seen 'gays' stereotyped, i've
also noticed that when a group of 'gays' does something bad then it automatically is applied that all gays do this. But here is a little about me
and my life.
For as long as I can remember I wasn't always quite the same as everyone else, I noticed my attraction to men from a really young age, I would say
age 8. At first it was just curiosity, staring at men without thinking about it untill later on, I didn't even know what gay was at that age, I live
in Alabama, my parents were extremely religous and conservative and that subject was never brought about.
I surpressed my attraction to guys all through Jr. High. and up untill 9th grade of highschool. I had a friend named Samantha who I met in 7th grade,
we were best friends and 2 years later in 9th grade she came out to me as a lesbian on the phone, I was shocked and didn't talk to her for 2 days
because of the issues this brought about with my own sexual attractions and frustrations. I finally called her back after 2 days and told her that I
was gay, it was great, so freeing and moving to get it off my chest, to have someone I can talk to about absolutely anything now.
Well that year past and it was great to be finally who I was around her, things quickly took a turn for the worst in 10th grade. 10th grade was the
first time I fell in love, I never knew someone could will so much power over my emotions, it was love at first sight, and he was all I wanted, but he
wasn't out to anyone except to me and a few friends, we talked and I kept falling deeper and deeper in love with him. Then one day he tells me that
he can't do this, that their is too much of a stigma attatched to being gay, and that people were starting to look at us funny. But I didn't care
because I was madly in love wiht him. He meant everything to me but it just didn't work out.
About a week after that my secret got out, I knew something was up because when I went to school that morning people were looking at me and whispering
in the hallway, the anxiety poured over me, I was having cold sweats, shaking, I was worrying myself to death. I got to first period and that's when
I started getting harrased. Some were calling me a faggot, others were saying other things that cannot be repeated on the forum.
7th period came and honestly that was the worst day of my life. I played varsity football for my school, I was on my way to weight training and I went
into the locker room and thats when things went extremely down hill, "Get the # outta here" "Don't freaking look at me you queer" blah blah blah
you get it. They didn't want to change in front of me. It's not like I was going to look anyways they shouldn't have flattered themselves.
So eventually I started skipping classes, and then I would get into trouble on purpose so they would put me in ISS all day so I wouldn't have to deal
with the harrasment, then one day I had enough, I was on my way to ISS and their were 3 guys behind me, they were saying they were going to kill me
and all this other crap, I ignored them and made my way to ISS.
I got to ISS and it was litterally the worst I had felt emotionally in my entire life, I was on the verge of suicide, I just wanted to end it right
their and hurt everyone who had said mean things to me. about 3 hours into iss I got up and asked to go to the bathroom and called my parents on my
cell phone, the iss teacher caught me using my cell phone and at that point I was already in tears, he took the phone from me and told me to go to the
principles office, next thing I know i'm on the floor throwing a fit and having a panic attack, they call my parents, I told them everything and they
were atleast nice enough to withdraw me from school.
The weeks went by and I was miserable, lonely, suicidal and my parents were just plain mean. My dad didn't acknowledge me, and my mom was
dissapointed and upset. I started drinking my pain away, I was 16 at this point in time, and eventually I attempted suicide and my parents found me in
the bathroom soaked in blood with cuts everywhere, took me to the hospital and put me in a metal institution for 2 months.
I'm not going to cover anymore of my story after that point but it was pretty bad for about 2 years after that.
Now i'm 19 about to be 20 and it's been almost 4 years since where I left off. Things are alot better at home, i'm alot better, I will never
attempt suicide ever again, I accepted who I was and so have my parents, more so my mom, my dad just pretends i'm straight. I have a job and I got my
GED a couple of years ago, I'm going to college and am getting a degree in political science and I have a whole group of friends that support me.
The sad thing about my story is that this is so common, and almost every gay person that i've met has a story almost identical to mine, the point of
this story is to show you that gay people are human to, with emotions, it's not all about sex, it's about love and wanting to be happy and succesful
in life, something that every human on Earth wants and that's something that we all have in common.
It angers and frustrates me to be compared to pedofiles, and bestiality and to have someone judge my whole character based on the fact that im gay,
being gay is an extremely small part of me, their is so much more to me besides my attraction to the same sex. And that's the message that i'm
trying to convey.
If anyone has any questions then I would love to answer them.
[edit on 3/17/2009 by Uniceft17]