Sexsomnia or sleep sex; Sleeping disorder

reply to post by greeneyedleo


No, I don't take any medications. I haven't been on any for 20 yrs.

Yes, it's still an issue. My husband doesn't bring it up much anymore. He knows it's a disorder, but I still think it bothers him, but there's not much I can do about it.

I have just recently read that Valium is prescribed to help. Next time I go to the Dr. I'll mention it.

reply to post by americandingbat


When I used to be an active member on the sleepsex forum, I noticed that a lot of the activity took place where the person fell asleep. It was rare for a person to leave the house, but it does happen.

The ones who don't know they have this can lead to be a very dangerous situation. One man on the forum had left his bedroom while asleep and his daughter had a teenager friend sleeping over. He was extremely upset at what he'd done. He had no idea he'd done, but he found out fast.

As far as raping their bedpartner, sometimes it's more than just rape. There is an aggressiveness involved. Can you imagine being afraid to sleep with your partner and getting raped/bruised, etc. weekly, or more often? This can be a huge problem.

It took me 20 yrs to be diagnosed, but I would bet most folks who have this are never diagnosed with it.



[edit on 19-11-2008 by virraszto]

reply to post by virraszto


Rereading my post, I see I wasn't very clear.

What I wanted to say was that I think that having this disorder become more widely known may prevent actual assaults or rapes by making it easier for people to get the diagnosis and to accept the diagnosis.

That benefit of publicity will outweigh the possible downside of having people try to claim it as a mitigating factor in criminal cases. For one thing, I think it would be incredibly rare for such a case to involve someone outside the house and the burden of proving the disability was a factor in a case like that could be set extremely high.

I'm sure the most common occurrence is the rape of a bedpartner, and I didn't mean to imply that that wouldn't be terrible and traumatic, just that it would be unlikely to be prosecuted in criminal court if both parties were aware of the diagnosis.

I can't imagine being in that situation, and I guarantee that if I fell in love with someone who aggressively attacked me – ever, even if I knew he wasn't aware or accountable – we would not be sharing a bedroom. But I also can't imagine pressing charges in a case like that.

The major concern, I think, would be in cases like the one you relate, where a family friend who is staying over is attacked. And these are exactly the kind of cases that I think are most likely to be prevented by making the diagnosis more widely known.

I hope that's a little more clear

I admire your strength in living with this and your honesty in talking so openly about it.

doctors cant help you at trial they usually go againsts you its the jury but try to tell a jurry that u didnt plan the murder or meditate it becuse you have a sleep disorder is kinnda funny in a way not the murder but the circumstances

I actually know somebody who has this. Luckily it only happens with him if he sleeps in the bed with somebody naked. Really.

Thanks all for reading my post about sexomnia. I am glad to have made some folks aware of this. To be honest, if I wasn't diagnosed with it, I'd have a *real* hard time believe this.

Looking back, there were some signs, but those signs could just about fit many other scenarios. Such as waking up naked, when you went to bed in pj's, or waking up with your clothes on backward, inside out, etc. Feeling like you didn't get enough sleep. Waking up with scratches, bruises, etc. Having NO idea how things got that way. etc. Your private parts sore. etc. etc. The list goes on. But you'd really have to rely on your partner to bring it to your attention. Or worse, someone who is not your partner whom you've victimized.

Also, just a fyi. Most everything you've read in these posts are from my point of view, from someone who has this disorder. If you are interested in this subject, please do a google search for sexsomnia or sleepsex.

[edit on 23-11-2008 by virraszto]

reply to post by virraszto


I would like to know how I can tell if my Wife has this disorder? She has over the last 3 months told me she has not masturbated. I know I witnessed it 3-6 times a night and she has no interest in sex. She thinks it was/is my imagnation and has tried to give me other explainations for what I am seeing. It hurt at first to think she was doing this willfully and lie to my face after 16 years of marriage. I have hope that a disorder in the problrm as she has restless leg problems and takes meds for it. Thank you for sharing.

Dubs

reply to post by virraszto


My girlfriend has this, it has been keeping me up for a month. I tought she was a sex addict in denial, she goes all night. I have found only two other cases after a month of research. The girl acts sneeky and seems fully aware and awake. It better be this or I am a chump living with a sicko. I have been super understanding. She did think I was the crazy one. I had not been sleeping and having anxiety and I looked like a crazy person. Funny for her there seems to be no way to confirm it. I tell her it is all night long, and she thinks I am crazy. I have looked at all the sites but find only two or three other matching stories. There is a lot about men acting out, but if you can point me to other personal stories that would be great.

reply to post by virraszto


Dear Virraszto,

I am interested to hear about your case. In Australia this has become a very pertinent issue, as we just recently (in May 2008) had our first case where a man accused of rape was acquitted because he suffered sexsomnia. It's brought to light a whole heap of issues regarding 'leaglised' rape, but also revealed how traumatic this disorder can be to sufferers of sexsomnia.

I am actually a freelance journalist, and am doing some research into the subject for an article I'm writing for a prominent women's magazine over here, and would be very interested to speak with you about your experience.

If you'd be willing to get in touch with me, please do so via my blog theconversationchair.wordpress.com...

You can leave a comment, which will go straight to my email, and I of course won't publish your comment.

Looking forward to hearing from you

reply to post by virraszto


Dear Virraszto,

This is my third attempt at getting in touch with you - so here's hoping.

My name is Jodie and I'm a journalist from Australia. I'm currently researching sleep sex for an article I'm writing, and am very interested in speaking with people who have first hand experience of the disorder. Sexsomnia has recently become a big issue in Australia as we just last year had our first case of a man being acquitted of rape due to the fact that he suffered sleep sex, and was not fully aware when he committed the crime.

I am interested in raising awareness about the disorder - not just to help protect people (women) who are victims of a sleep sex "attack", but to show that those who have the disorder are victims as well, as it affects their relationships in an often negative way.

If you would be interested in having a confidential chat, or if you would like any more information, please get in touch with me through this forum (I can't send a U2U message until I've made 20 posts... but I'm sure you could send me one) or through my blog theconversationchair.wordpress.com...

Thanks,

Jodie

I replied to this post privately through u2u.
I will be happy to talk to you about this subject.

reply to post by dramafreak

Just like it is practically illegal to defend oneself against street violence right now with this rotten law system in the UK.

OP, please excuse me, I will get to replying to the topic, but 1st I must address this misrepresentation. In fact, UK law allows a person to defend themselves from any illegal violence using "reasonable force". The definition of what is reasonable in any given situation is up to the court of law in which the events subsequently get scrutinised.
In practice this means that if a person attacks you, you may legally kill them if their death results from an injury sustained as a result of an attack by yourself which is commensurate with the level of threat they posed to you.
A 7' brute tries to pummel the bejesus out of you; you stab them; they die: thats legal. The same person threatens but does not actually attack you; you stab them; you're going to jail. Someone attacks you with a knife; you hit them on the head with a bat; thats legal. You carry on beating them when they're down; you're going to jail. Someone you're afraid of breaks into your home; you shoot them; unless there's actual evidence they attacked you; you're going to jail.
Just because the Daily Mail or the Daily Telegraph love to make out like criminals have more rights than anyone else doesn't mean its true. You see, just because somebody is attempting to commit a criminal act, doesn't mean that they have ceased to be a human being & citizen, with the same rights as anyone else. Which, if you think about it, is absolutely correct. Otherwise, anyone could assault whoever they wanted to, doing whatever damage, & simply claim self-defence. People have been lured into situations to be murdered before...

reply to post by virraszto


This reminds of those people who claim their sleepwalking made them raid the fridge.
Seriously, I think it *is* a disorder of some kind, but I don't buy the current "scientific" explanation.
(Same with the "sex addiction" thing. It's bunkum, a lame excuse for lacking restraint, but the shrinks make a good living out of it.)

If anything, I think this could happen as a result of sleeping pills a la Ambien that are known to produce amnesia. Or that people can fall asleep during sex because of narcolepsy. But that's a whole different story.

So, to the OP, do you think there could be degrees of this condition? I ask because my ex & I woke up to find we were having sex several times. It doesn't sound quite like what you have experienced, but, for my own part, I know I was definitely asleep, dreaming, & not in control of my actions. My partner said the same thing, although she said she was pretty sure she was awake before me & didn't know whether I was or not, until I actually awoke all like WTF?
Something I think worth mentioning is that we were both particularly libidinous; like from what I've read, we could easily get through most people's average weekly sex in a day. The 1st time it happened, we'd had a bad row. We were sleeping together but not having sex for about 10 days previously. Then I just realised that we were, sort of like 1 of those dreams thats difficult to shake off, but weirder because what can you say? Like, oh right, I'm doing the deed, which is a bit odd, but what, I'm going to stop?
Does any of this sound similar to your experience?