Sexsomnia or sleep sex; Sleeping disorder

I've not yet seen this topic come up on ats. Sleep sex or sexsomnia is a
a form of non-rapid eye movement (NREM) parasomnia (similar to sleepwalking) that causes people to commit sexual acts while they are asleep. The proposed medical diagnosis is NREM Arousal Parasomnia - Sexual Behaviour in Sleep, and is considered to be a distinct variant of sleepwalking/confusional arousals (ICSD 2) as described by wikipedia.

There have been cases of people with this sleep disorder who have been brought to court for raping others in their sleep. When I first heard about this I thought to myself, yeah, right. What a great excuse to try to get out of rape/murder. Sleeping while raping or murdering? Please!

However, years later, I was diagnosed with this sleep disorder. I denied it all day long, but after seeing some evidence, there was no way I could deny it. I have absolutely no memory of what I do in my sleep. It scared me then, because I'd remembered the articles I'd read about people committing rapes/murder in their sleep.

Here are some of the cases from wikipedia:

On 30 November 2005, a Toronto court acquitted a man of sexual assault after he was diagnosed with sleep sex disorder, although prosecutors have filed an appeal of the acquittal as of February 2006.[1] The Ontario Court of Appeal upheld the acquittal on 7 February 2008 [2]

In Britain a man from York was cleared of three counts of rape on 19 December 2005.[3]

In Australia, a woman was reported as leaving her house at night and having sex with strangers while sleepwalking.[4]

On 8 August 2007, a British RAF mechanic was cleared of a rape charge after the jury found him not responsible of his actions when he had sex with a 15-year-old girl.[5]

Source

Now, since I know this is a valid sleep disorder, I can now say with certainty, this COULD happen. But, before I came to the conclusion it was a real disorder, I thought it was a p-poor excuse to try to get out of being arrested for rape.

How many of you would believe this? Or how many of you would think it's a crock? Would some of you think this was a 'made up' disorder? What would it take to prove to you it's real? How should it be determined that someone does in fact have this disorder and since so far, there is no cure for it, what should be done to prevent it?

I am a female and have had this for over 20 yrs. It used to cause HUGE problems in my marriage, but now that we both understand what it is, we try to deal with it the best we can.

ps. this is a serious topic and I hope it can be discussed maturely.


[edit on 17-11-2008 by virraszto]

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[edit on 18-11-2008 by Gemwolf]

I have never heard of this before, thank you for bringing it to my attention! And I'm sorry you suffer this sleep disorder, I never thought one could get anxious about something as innocent as rest.

Besides rape/murder which you've mentioned, I couldn't imagine someone going to sleep and waking up the next day with an STD--talk about scary.

I do have a question though: do people with this disorder attempt to sleep with anyone, including both males and females, even if that person is consciously 'straight'?

SleepSex? Hmm. you said you were married. why dont your husband wake up? Maybe you should lock your door with a combination lock. i would figure if you had to take the time to ope that surely you would wake up. get like 10 of them and have your hsband put a random one on the door befor you go to bed. Youll btoo confused to get teh right number and probably give up after a while. What did you say the actual name for this disorder is?

MessOnTheFED!

Originally posted by Alexander_Supertramp
I have never heard of this before, thank you for bringing it to my attention! And I'm sorry you suffer this sleep disorder, I never thought one could get anxious about something as innocent as rest.

Besides rape/murder which you've mentioned, I couldn't imagine someone going to sleep and waking up the next day with an STD--talk about scary.

I do have a question though: do people with this disorder attempt to sleep with anyone, including both males and females, even if that person is consciously 'straight'?

Well, I never even thought of that. That is scarey!
I'm not sure how to answer your other question. I've never left the house, ( that I know of) and I've never looked into that.

There are things that you don't think of with this disorder, such as Ican never have my kids sleep in the bed with me. I can never sleep on the couch. I can never sleep over my sister's house. I can never go camping, or anywhere where I could have an episode.

I'd hate like heck to have my kids catch me doing something like that!

I don't know if it runs in families, like sleepwalking does. I hope not.

reply to post by MessOnTheFED!


I have never left the house in my sleep before that I know of. I'm sure my husband would have told me if I had, or even tried to.

The disorder is called sexsomnia.

reply to post by virraszto


My god this is a serious disability.
I can't imagine all the things that you have to worry about. Plane trips, falling asleep while reading in a train or bus.
I imagine that a real phobia of sleep itself could develop.

reply to post by schrodingers dog


Yes, it is. Imagine all the years that we didn't know about this. Many times I would take care of myself in my sleep and my husband thought I was wide awake. He would get upset esp. after I turned him down and an hour or so later I'm having a blast by myself. He thought I was being cruel to him Not so, I didn't know what I was doing. It did cause severe problems in my marriage for over 20 yrs.

Originally posted by virraszto
How many of you would believe this? Or how many of you would think it's a crock? Would some of you think this was a 'made up' disorder? What would it take to prove to you it's real? How should it be determined that someone does in fact have this disorder and since so far, there is no cure for it, what should be done to prevent it?

Thank you for sharing! I would easily believe it is a valid disorder. But - and I will be honest here, at the risk of being rude - my bias is to think that this is a result of an underlaying psycho-sexual disorder, manifesting itself when asleep and the conscious 'censors' are weak.

I am biased to think that a person claiming this disorder is severely sexually repressed or disturbed, and that the activity during 'sleep episodes' acts as a safety-valve of sorts.

It would depend on the type of activity engaged in, though -- are we talking behaviour that mimics conscious acts, with speaking, deliberate-seeming planning, etc? Or just 'reflex'?

I would be open to listening to convincing expert testimony, changing my uneducated bias on this subject, but it would have to be reasonable and make 'common sense'. Also, specific personal testimony would go a long way to making me change my prejudice (as you have begun to do). Unfortunately, I feel that many others who would agree with initial assessment I expressed would not be open to having their minds changed, due to the polarized nature of opinion on sexuality in society.

Some people have all the good neighbors! Hehehe.

I actually had more than one episode of things happening in my sleep. I woke up in the middle of some pretty heavy action with my other half just recently. Tired, but happy, I rolled with it! Probably not the same but hey.

I cannot imagine how crappy it would be messin with all the neighbors and not remembering. I mean that in both the good and bad ways.

You are lucky, indeed, that your adventures haven't taken you out of the bedroom.

reply to post by Ian McLean


I haven't done much research on it lately, but it's not about a sexual disorder, it's a sleep disorder.

Here are two paragraphs taken from here: www.newsweek.com...

Add sex to the roster of unlikely sleep behaviors known as parasomnias, which range from sleep driving to sleep eating. Last week psychiatrist Carlos Schenck and neurologist Mark Mahowald of the Minnesota Regional Sleep Disorders Center published a review article in the journal Sleep on what they call "sleepsex," or "sexsomnia." Think of it as a more advanced form of sleepwalking. It covers the full gamut of sexual activity, from fondling to intercourse, with one crucial difference. The patients apparently have no conscious awareness of what they're doing and, when wakened, have no recollection of it

and

Sleepsex is far different from your average sexual dream. Dreams occur during REM sleep, when the body is largely paralyzed. Sleepsex takes place during partial arousal from deep sleep, when one is free to move. Dreams can be remembered later, under the right circumstances. But sleepsex appears to belong to a mental netherworld in which brain regions devoted to higher thought, judgment and reasoning are shut down, while areas governing more primitive functions (such as locomotion, eating and sex) are still active. Put them together, and it can be a bad combination for someone who is already predisposed to sleepwalking or other parasomnias. For such a person, anything that induces more deep sleep—such as excessive alcohol consumption or persistent sleep deprivation—only increases the risk.

It would depend on the type of activity engaged in, though -- are we talking behaviour that mimics conscious acts, with speaking, deliberate-seeming planning, etc? Or just 'reflex'?

No, it's not just reflex. Eyes wide open, talking,---my husband never suspected I was asleep. As far as planning? No advance planning. It's not like I set the KY out before I go to sleep knowing in advance that I'm going to have an episode.

edited to say: I may have misunderstood your question Ian. As far as planning goes men have been known to put on a condom while sleeping before intercourse takes place. So I guess that qualifies as planning. (?)



[edit on 18-11-2008 by virraszto]


'ex' tags added


[edit on 12/6/2008 by Badge01]

I wonder if a young child would be able to have this disorder, despite the fact that he/she was too young for a desire for sex. If awoken during an episode that could prove absolutely disturbing for the kid. I hope more research is done into this, as it appears to have the potential to cause a lot of mental and emotional harm.

Virraszto: have you heard of any kind of treatment for this? Pills, etc.?

reply to post by virraszto


Hello..When did you actually know this was going on?..The reason I ask is I am recovering from a serious head injury and I have from time to time walked in my sleep.. I have been found outside crouched down and what seems to be described as me standing guard but crouched down, One of my childhood friends is a cop in my town and has also found me outside. Do you also ever have real vivid dreams?..My dreams are very violent and Im always waking up cold and sweaty..

Thank you so much for listening and I hope as well that nobody pokes fun at this because I told my doctor and he looked at me like i was nuts.There are smart individuals here who may have had the same issues..Thanks..I should also add that I am military veteran.

This is indeed very peculiar. I remember hearing about a man who forced himself on his wife while they were both sleeping, and though she attempted to wake him (eventually employing punches and kicks) he remained in a sleep state and the situation quickly escalated to rape. Needless to say, both were terribly traumatized by the ordeal. I wonder if it is common for individuals with this disorder to be exceptionally difficult to awaken. What has your particular experience been in this regard?

I am also curious about the sexual behavior displayed during sleep by "sexsomniacs". I assume you don't mind personal questions, as this thread is of a very personal nature. In your experience, does the sexual activity seem to be focused solely on genital stimulation or penetration rather than any romantic or emotionally intimate act? It would seem to me that if the physical behavior focuses solely on the area below the waist, this may be a manifestation of more primal, frenzied urges and is probably not activating areas of the brain necessary for emotional stimulation, as would be seen with most conscious, consentual sexual acts. This must be important in the research of this disorder.

I did locate a collection of articles on the subject, ostensibly more journalistic than scientific, and thought that some of you might want to take a look. Comments vary from positing a purely psychological cause to hormonal and even genetic causes: www.helium.com...

[edit on 18/11/08 by paperplanes]

So what if you have a disorder and you do it unconsciously, or you don't have a disorder and you do it consciously? Makes no difference. As far as I'm concerned, the victim is still being traumatized - raped or whatever else you do while sleepwalking.

Should we just put these unrightious acts to 'nature'? Like, 'oh well, it happened again last night, whatever, I can't help it. The girl's life is now ruined, she has a psychological trauma for life now, but it's not my fault.'.

I mean yeah, it's okay if you're a woman. But what if you're a huge, 7ft tall, 16 stone lad?

Having this disorder should not justify the crimes of a person. Because otherwise the next thing you know, rape and murder in the UK will be nearly legal (and there would likely appar a new disorder which makes you beat up, kick and stomp on people's faces). Just like it is practically illegal to defend oneself against street violence right now with this rotten law system in the UK.

[edit on 18 Nov, 08 by dramafreak]

[edit on 18 Nov, 08 by dramafreak]

are you by any chance using any medications?

www.abovetopsecret.com...

there are sleeping pills which regularly lead to sleepwalking episodes, including eating and driving, heck, some even went shoplifting, iirc. better chain yourself to the bed and use a rather complicate lock with a loud, acuoustic alarm, lock the door and lock away all metalware, glass, etc.

PS: don't forget the windows. holy **** what a frightening condition.

Originally posted by cmd18B
reply to post by virraszto

 

Hello..When did you actually know this was going on?..The reason I ask is I am recovering from a serious head injury and I have from time to time walked in my sleep.. I have been found outside crouched down and what seems to be described as me standing guard but crouched down, One of my childhood friends is a cop in my town and has also found me outside. Do you also ever have real vivid dreams?..My dreams are very violent and Im always waking up cold and sweaty..

Thank you so much for listening and I hope as well that nobody pokes fun at this because I told my doctor and he looked at me like i was nuts.There are smart individuals here who may have had the same issues..Thanks..I should also add that I am military veteran.

cmd---It took 20 yrs to figure out what was going on. Because I seemed to be fully awake, my husband assumed I was. It would be just like your spouse waking you up in the middle of the night for sex. You wouldn't check to see if they were awake first, would you? With the lights out, and everything presumed to be normal ( sometime more aggresive) why would you question it. Sex between my partner and I ( asleep) is not what lead to us discovering it. It was me going solo, and having a great time, and basically ignoring my husband while doing it. He thought I was awake, coherant, and just rubbing it in his face that he either 1) didn't satisfy me, or 2) denied sex to him and then a few hours later blatantly took care of myself.

When he kept mentioning it, I really thought he was the one with the problem. I thought he was dreaming what he was accusing me of doing. I blamed the dog shaking the bed. I told him he was crazy, etc.

You should go to a sleep doctor and tell him what you've been experiencing. When I first discovered I had this, not much was known and the first sleep dr. I went to basically told me I was nuts and he'd never heard of such a thing. It was when I went to another dr. and had a sleep study done that I was diagnosed.

From what little reading I have done recently, I think there are medicines now that can help with sleepwalking, sleep eating, sleep driving, and sleep sex.

Good luck to you.

V.-

reply to post by dramafreak


Besides bringing this to peoples attention, this is kind of what I had in mind when discussing this.

How many men/woman are going to try to use this as an excuse?

What about the poor guy who is being accused of rape and has never been diagnosed with this problem, does know he has it, and is in jail for a crime he doesn't remember committing?

If you know you have this disorder and don't take any precautions, then yes, you should be held accountable because you could have prevented it.

As for the victims, I totally understand where you are coming from. That's what makes this disorder so complicated. The victim is going to suffer no matter what.

I think there needs to be much more studying done on this. Also, what I have read since yesterday says that there are medicines that can help with this condition. Valium is one drug that is being used now.

[edit on 18-11-2008 by virraszto]

I have recently heard about medications that can control this. I've also read that many who are in prison are mentally ill and have alternate personalities. The Judicial system isn't as bad as it used to be. Especially, now that there's wrongful imprisonment suits against them. It does help to have a clinical diagnosis before it gets bad enough to put you away. Good luck.

I have never heard of this before, and actually just looked it up....here is a Wiki link: en.wikipedia.org...

and an "officila" site on it: www.sleepsex.org...

Some of the things Im reading seems normal...up until the point of forcing oneself on another person. I mean, while asleep or half awake wanting sex or masturbating (is this allowed to be typed here???) is relatively normal, I thought. But obviously there are extremes of this, thus resulting in this "disorder".


Im curious, if this is still an issue with you and if so, how do you deal with it? Are you taking medications? Do you and your husband just ignore it now?



[edit on 11/18/2008 by greeneyedleo]

Originally posted by virraszto
How many men/woman are going to try to use this as an excuse?

What about the poor guy who is being accused of rape and has never been diagnosed with this problem, does know he has it, and is in jail for a crime he doesn't remember committing?

If you know you have this disorder and don't take any precautions, then yes, you should be held accountable because you could have prevented it.

As for the victims, I totally understand where you are coming from. That's what makes this disorder so complicated. The victim is going to suffer no matter what.

It must be extraordinarily frightening to get a diagnosis like that. And I can imagine the toll it would take on your marriage. I'm glad that you did find out what was going on and that that has relieved the tension somewhat.

My first reaction to the question of whether it would be a valid excuse, or how many people would try to use it as one, more or less follows the reasoning in the post I've quoted.

First, I imagine this is very unusual, particularly combined with sleepwalking, let alone sleepwalking outside of the house. So I can't imagine that there will be many cases where it's a factor in a criminal case. Even if someone raped their bed partner in this state, I imagine that the victim would not want to pursue criminal charges once they understood what was going on.

And I think that if someone knows they have this problem, they are responsible for taking measures to make sure they don't leave the house and harm anyone. Having it acknowledged and talked about can only help bring it to the attention of people who have it, which should in turn decrease the likelihood of problems. It's much easier to accept that you're doing something like having sex in your sleep without any memory if it's an acknowledged condition, I would think.

Sleep disorders in general are so bizarre, fascinating, and baffling. This one particular so. Thanks for bringing it up.