Men wonder why women are so picky, and want a man that brings in a steady income. Why? So they don't end up like me.
I married a guy that I loved. The problem is that I knew he had a some what of a temper and a sketchy job history. I know I should not have married
him in the first place, but I did.
What is happening now? Almost every job he has had, he always complained about. He never really held onto a job for long, unless it was bad pay. His
last job as a OTR trucker, he quit because his company messed with his hours and pay. Fine, but that was back in February. No mortgage payment for
What was I doing? Stay at home mom. I did what he wanted me to do. We had three girls, who are a blessing. I put up with a lot of his antics, and
still am. Mostly verbal blaming everything on me. Where did the money go? When he knew it went to pay the bills, food, gas for our van and things like
I guess I'm self absorbed and think of no one, since I will go without food so he and my kids can have more. I never think of him, because sometimes
I can't keep my frustrations to my self. We need gas in the van, have food in the house, and he buys a pizza which leaves no money for gas.
Of course every thing is my fault, period.
Yes, I put up with his verbal abuse. Why? Because I do love him. He did receive counseling from our paster after he threw a screw driver through a
window. First time he did something like that $400, since it was a big picture window. Things have gotten better.
Well, until he hasn't been able to find a job that he can agree with doing. He is doing handy man and lawn care work. He has been fine with that, and
has gotten a couple of jobs. He is a good worker, but can't stand a boss breathing down his neck. At least he has a choice of weather to accept work
from someone or not.
It has gotten to the point where I can't do what he wanted me to do anymore. He wanted me to stay home and make money at home. How? Ebay? It is not a
viable option for me. I just didn't make enough, and didn't have the drive for it.
He and some others kept asking what if questions. I kept responding I'll do what I have to do. I hate mornings. It is easier for me to stay up all
night than it is to stay up all morning. What if you need to get a job?
Well, I got a job three days ago. I did what I had to do. I stepped into the job market after ten years of being out of work. Doing what? Night time
security officer working the grave yard shift, and burning the midnight oil. I was surprised that they hire me an over weight woman with practically
no work history in the past ten years. I did what I had to do in order to survive.
Now my husband is angry with me, because I practically got hired on the spot. I know people at my church have mentioned, talked, or hinted at him
getting a job, and how he needs to be the one. Of course that upsets me, but so be it, especially if God is talking to him. Sometimes I would like to
hit him over the head with his thinking. I can't get a job, because the company ruined my dac report. Because the job is too far away. Because
why would I want to do that job?
Here the security company asked me if he would be interested in a job with them. They would have taken his application the same day. He turned his
nose up at it.
We would make it if we both had steady incomes. Once I get up to 40 hours of work a week, I will be able to pay the mortgage and basic utilities. I
will also have to feed the van also, but at these high prices
At least he is not cheating on me though, which I guess is a good thing. I found out that after he burns things, he will let the fire "put it self
out" even if it takes all night. I'm like WTH. I know we can burn, and it is away from our house, but there is woods not too far from where he is
burning. I just saw a deer in our next neighbors house which is right next to ours. Someone dismantled his burn pit, and we don't have a burn barrel.
He was burning with just grass cleared around it. Here he is inside, arguing with me, and not tending it.
What I ended up doing was putting the fire out by drenching it with water. I wasn't about to go kick it out with my foot. I told him he can go tend
it, or I was going to put it out. He has the option. He is piss** at me because I did what I believed to be right. I didn't want to be the cause of a
fire break out. All it would take is one small spark to get away, or a deer to kick it. I'm sorry there are also kids around. Mostly smaller, and
around in the day, but still. I'm sure our neighbors would think he is nuts if they knew.
Of course to him, I do every thing wrong. I'm too cautious and paranoid that something will happen. Of course when he quit, he said what do you think
I won't get a job in the next three months? Well, guess what happened? Of course I was just being paranoid and nagging back then.
What happens, we get angry at each other. We start not to treat each other right. There are many times I do and try to make an effort. Every once in a
while, he will show me that he actually does love me. I know it is not by mowing the grass. Sorry guys, he only does it because it is getting too
high. Heck, he rather have me mow it.
He turns around and says no one listens to me, cares what I think. Well, we are listening, but you are just not using logic trying to get out of what
you have to do. I think we need some more counseling, but I don't think he will go for it. He already feels the pastor and assistant pastor are
against him. I don't want him not to try to start up his own business, but at the cost of loosing our house and having to split up? My kids and I
have a place to go, but the people willing to take us in if absolutely necessary is not willing to take him in.
There are times when he tries to make an emotional connection. When we are fighting, I might as well be at that guard shack doing nothing but watching
the empty road with no one to talk with. I can still talk with God. The company knew I would go board out of my mind, so they told me to take reading
material. What am I guarding? An empty building that may be torn down sometime in the future. I think I there more for fire prevention than any thing
else. Nothing is really in the building, since they moved their operation to another location. Plenty of places to hide and call 911 if needed. If one
of the guards said sometimes he doesn't see anyone for a week or more, then am I really going to need to? I have more of a chance of something
happening driving to and from work.
My kids will pray for my safety and tell me to stay safe, but my husband doesn't. It's not the fact that something could or would happen. It is the
fact that he is telling me he cares.
Which lately I have begun to wonder how much he cares for me. He tells me I don't know how much he cares, but then again he doesn't say it often or
show me. He just wants to blame everything on me, and have me still do all the house work. So help me if I touch any of "his money" and it is not
for bills. Like I buy anything for myself. One PC game in two years, and a pair of shoes and a pair of jeans a year to replace the worn ones I have.
I don't want to make myself out to be a marter, but it is irritating that he accuses of using money on myself or for myself when I really don't.
I'm sorry for such a long post. Singles out there, you might not want to complain about being so lonely. You can end up being just as lonely in
marriage. Be careful of who you choose, and what you wish for.
When it comes down to it, I still love him though.