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posted on May, 20 2008 @ 01:33 PM

I sent this off to a Christian web site a couple of weeks ago at their request but i would like to put it here

The reason is that its Good for Christians to share what God is doing in our lives IMHO anyway

here goes

Up until very recently i have been living with the specter of depression. Now at the age of 37 i had begun to accept that this was a life long symbiotic relationship.

I say symbiotic as we fed and depended on each other, it could not exist without me, nor could i, exist without it. The problem, apart from the obvious, with depression is that it makes you feel special and insulated in a negative way. It becomes your shield of excuse, inaction and bad behaviour. You will always find yourself saying things such as

"sorry, I was really down when....."

It's a very broken record. replayed over and over again. At the time you feel it is true, but what you do not realise or admit to yourself is that you inaction, and in my opinion a lack of faith in the Lord, compounds the problem, it feeds your situation. When i say a lack of faith, what do i mean? I do not mean you throw caution to the wind, go cold turkey and assume that is that. No! what i mean by lack of faith, is that we do not take this problem to the lord with full expectation that he will help us. We expect our version of the solution and in within our time frame. When we do not get it, we despair. We give up, when we should continue and increase our prayer time with the Lord and more time studying his word.

I can say most assuredly, that when the Holy Spirit Guides us and the Lord reveals the smallest detail to us, no antidepressant can compare. The first time this happens, its like a drop of water falling on to a sponge. Our spirit soaks up Gods spiritual truths until we are saturated with it. Although, like anything that is saturated, it will dry out if i does not receive a constant supply.

I have been a Christian since October 2000. since this time i have asked God to cure me of depression many times. However on reflection, i know that those petitions went along with my own expectations. I wasn't really asking God. I believe that i felt it was expected to ask and that i was not genuine of heart in prayer. I couldn't have been. I know this because i was slack in prayer and study, if trusted and was genuine of heart i would have done this so much more.

Now i come to the last couple of years. I got drunk a couple of years ago and very nearly ended with a prosecution, i would have ended up with a custodial sentence for sure. This is a disgrace! I am supposed to be an ambassador for Christ! my actions influence others in the way i speak and act. The process afterwards was one of shear fright and regret. Heather and I had just moved into our house after spending 18 months at her parents house, We could have lost the house due to lack of income, i could have lost the love and respect of my wife but most of all i had insulted and let down God.

I don't think i have prayed so much for forgiveness, but as i prayed the more i studied and as i studied, Gods word became clearer and the lighter my overall mood became. Heather and I began to pray and study together, where as before i was embarrassed to this. I took myself away from temptation of pubs and stopped drinking and during this period i realised that i wanted God and trusted God to take away my depression. This time prayer was different, it was heart felt and genuine. The feeling was like closing door. The feeling was my prayer had been heard and i could leave this with the lord. I can't describe it any better than that. I gradually lowered my medication and the stopped completely.

During this time i told a long time friend, that was like a brother to me, that i did not want us to socialise any more. I did not like who i was with this person and always ended up drunk with him. I found it very hard to say no whenever he asked to me to go for a drink. Telling him was hard, i had tried to witness to him to no avail over the years. I believed that i had to cut ties with this person. It was a strong impression and I am sure the Lord wanted me to take this step for my friend wanted the world and i wanted the Lord. The two do not mix, i know from experience.

Since all this happened my wife and I have grown so much in our walk with the Lord God. We no longer watch tv and have thrown out music and video that we feel would cause offence to the Lord. This gives us so much more time together, both as a couple and with the Lord. Its amazing!

Looking back, my depression was the symptom of guilt for my sin. Satan likes us to wallow in all this as we become ineffectual for Christ whilst we are. The Lord gave me a long hard lesson and praise him for that. Hindsight is great, i can see why i went through all the troubles i have had. The lord put me through the furnace when i did not listen and did not trust him.

It has been a long couple of years, but at last i am free in Christ from my depression. The Lord is wise, Heather and Have prayed for a baby, but up until recently i really was in no state to be a good Christian dad. The Lord now feels that I am as we have found out Heather is pregnant. It's only been a few weeks, God willing the baby will be born and it will be normal and healthy.

With all things you can ask the Lord for more faith, he will give it to you if your our genuine in heart. I have done and he moved in a massive way. Have youever heard of a vicious circle? Through prayer and study you can replace this with a wonderful circle of Gods love.

All the best


Never give up in prayer as the Lord truely rewards

[edit on 20/5/2008 by drevill]

posted on May, 20 2008 @ 04:11 PM
reply to post by drevill

A beautiful testimony, man: thought-provoking and even quite moving.

You often hear people say faith is just a crutch that people lean on. As you have now discovered, when Christ renews a person's life it's the crutches that go out the window, whether alcohol, drugs, promiscuity or any other self-indulgent addiction.

You now love God and your wife and your fellow man. It's plain for anyone to see that the Gospel has done wondrous things in your life. I'll join you in thanking God He lifts people from the dust.

I'll resist the urge to propose a toast, though...

posted on May, 21 2008 @ 05:21 PM
You made some very good points there bro.

I personally have been healed of heart problems I used to have and I'm doing pretty good in that area of my life now.
One thing I really wish I was able to do is love a woman the way couples love each other, I've been hurt so much emotionally that I don't love any women, I hate most women, all they ever do is hurt me, well maybe hate is too strong of a word, but I definantly have a great digust for them, I don't know any that I like, I think they are all pretty much evil.
All women want is sex and money, I have niether, nor do I want to be accepted or loved by a woman for either one of those reasons. I want a woman who wants to live poor, who wants to go to third world countries and build houses and dig wells and teach people to grow food. I want a woman who wants to live poorly, but give richly. The kinda woman I want doesnt exist though, so I will have to live alne for the rest of my life.


posted on May, 22 2008 @ 04:50 PM
Sorry drevill, I think I accidently killed your thread, I'll try to leave my personal life outta threads that have nothing to do with it.


posted on May, 23 2008 @ 01:29 PM
Yes God is not a clutch but a Father... If I called my earthly dad a clutch he would be pretty upset..

I know what I too have experienced when i was younger and how I have had a complete turn around in my life... because of Gods graces.... which are like infusions of love into the soul..

anyways excellent and I am glad to hear your souls have changed and not only that but you have actual humility to direct it towards God giving him credit..

Just like some people, worldy people always say..

" why do they need God to be good, we do the same things they do "

the point is, that we give God credit for everything because it came from him, and truly if you have humility you will realize your faults and lack of love and realize how he can and does changge you within, yet if you run on self you cannot recognize what grace is..

posted on May, 23 2008 @ 06:19 PM
reply to post by jimmyjackblack

hello jimmy

sorry you have been hurt so much, i can only offer that if you pray to God for a good wife he will provide. Heather is brilliant and i have been hurt very much in the past also

take care bro


posted on May, 24 2008 @ 01:52 AM
reply to post by jimmyjackblack

no problem

if you need a natter U2U me any time


posted on May, 24 2008 @ 01:55 AM
reply to post by pause4thought

Thanks for the comments. fuly trusting the Lord is very hard to do, as we always want to take over


posted on May, 29 2008 @ 02:54 PM
People say God has healed them from this disease or that disease but he has never in the history of the world cured an amputees missing leg or arm. No matter how faithful, God will not regrow a missing limb. Why?

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