posted on Mar, 14 2008 @ 11:05 AM
I'm hoping someone has been in a similar situation, and can either reassure me that it all works out fine, or give me some advice maybe.
I don't really want to spread my life over the 'net but I don't have many actual physical friends due to illness, so strangers are useful
sometimes, and they're more likely to give you a mix of advice I always think.
I've been with my other half (fiancee) for 9 years, trouble is, I've felt a deep longing need to be with her since almost day one, it was so
unbearable, because I thought she didn't seem that bothered that I had to finish with her, but it became totally unbearable without her (moreso than
being with her and not knowing how she felt), that I asked her back out. We eventually got engaged and we've been together 9 years since. Now,
I've had this deep sense of love for all these years, and over the years we never argued or fallen out, but I told her how I felt about November last
year (because we sort of stopped talking for a bit, I'll get to that in a sec), she told me she loved me and had taken me for granted and that she's
never felt this way before (I'm sort of her first relationship to be honest). I suppose I thought she'd admit to feeling the same, but she
doesn't, she says she loves me deeply, but I definitely need her more than she needs me. I asked her to stay over years ago and she said no but
recently I asked again and she said yes, however, she doesn't seem to honestly feel that comfortable in my house, and told me that she feels homesick
when she's with me and feels she doesn't spend that much time at home anymore (I see her about 34-40 hours a week, and not counting being asleep she
obviously spends more time at home, and in work of course, so I don't get to see her that much anyway).
Due to our circumstances, it would be impossible to live together at the moment, but that's sort of my dream, to get married and move in, she says
thats what she wants, but when I asked her after I told her how I felt she said "I don't see it happening", so I'm confused.
Trouble is, I'm so deeply in love with this woman that no one else compares, it sounds really stupid but she only has to touch me to turn me on, and
no one else even comes close anymore (it just doesn't do anything in the trouser department, nothing, nada, not even a raise unless its her), I look
at people I might have found attractive before, and there is nothing, all I can do is think what's wrong with them compared to her, its nuts, its
like she's perfect in my mind and everyone else is wrong and no matter how I try, I can't stop it.
I would obviously be devestated if we split up, but I seem to be totally dependant on this woman, and she seems to be distancing herself from me now,
I asked her if I was 'too full on' and alas, she said yes, it was 'going to fast for her', but I'd hoped that 9 years would have given her the
same level of feelings for me as I had for her from almost day one. I asked her if she wanted time to herself as she said yes, then no, then said she
likes spending time with me and is comfortable with how much we spend together at the moment and is trying to see me more, however, when I asked the
hypothetical "If you could would you spend more time with me?" she at first said no, then said that's not what she meant.
Is she just trying not to hurt my feelings? Has the love gone? We spent two years where I was obviously feeling this overwhelming love and she
started to drift apart from me, she said it was because I ignored her, but I ignored her because she ignored me, we stopped kissing, saying I love you
etc, and I'm somewhat scared she perhaps found someone else then but they broke it off and thats why she said she "took me for granted" because she
knows I'll always be there for her whatever.
I can't hate her and I can't love her any less, I tried, I thought if we were at the same level we could grow together, but I can't, I'm 1000%
infatuated, and she isn't. Trouble is, I can't make her love me any more than she does and I wouldn't want her to. I feel so guilty having these
feelings of wanting to be with her all the time when she says she has things to do and tells me "I hate hurting you because I want to play on the
computer or spend time at home", and lately she's been either saying "if you can't accept that then..." or "I don't want to leave you
What should I do? Should I try my best to back off, not be so full on, or have I broken what we had already and can't repair it? I SO don't want
to loose the woman I thought would be my wife, but I hate making her feel its her fault and feel guilty like I'm 'making' her see me when she needs
time to herself.