posted on Mar, 14 2008 @ 01:47 AM
Astyanax, your last reply made me think. I'm writing this for you. Its subject that I've never talked to anybody about, but I think you should
hear it.
I'm not one to share family memmories. So listen closely. I have 8 siblings. When I was 2 my mom left C.H.O.F., a church/cult in Minnesota some of
you might be farmiliar with. My mom took my 4 brothers, 3 of my sisters, and me.......and ran. One of my sisters stayed at C.H.O.F. with my dad, and
when I turned five years old I started to see them both on weekends in the form of visitation.
I love my dad, and I always will, but let me tell you about my father. One day he picked me up for my visitation and took me to lunch at a deli by my
house. He then proceeded to buy me a tuna sandwich with a coke. But as I was eating he stopped me, looked me in the eyes and said the following,
"Ben, you know I love you, your a part of me............ your my son, but I have to tell you something. My phone got broke so you can't call me
anymore..... and I won't be taking you on visitation anymore because I need time to find myself....But I'll call you every year on your birthday."
I didn't understand. It sounds strange but I just sat there, I didn't cry, I didn't ask why, don't know what I was thinking now that I look back
on that day. But still, when my 6th birthday came around, I was waiting for the phone to ring.
It did and I answered right away. I waited all year for that call, but he didn't say happy birthday, he said, "Hey Ben, I wanna start seeing you
again. Do you wanna get some pizza? I have a present for you."
I didn't know what to think, but for some reason I just hung up on him. He called the next year but I wasn't excited, I didn't want him to talk to
me, but he called and my mom gave me the phone.
I sat there and imagined what he would do that night when he went to sleep.
I thought about him going to bed, pulling up the blankets and praying to god. I saw him praying, then he went to bed. It sounds dumb, but I started
to get very sad because he didn't ask god to protect me. When the phone rang again I just unplugged it. I went outside and sat on my porch.
I sat and thought for hours until my Mom asked me to come inside. When I'm not religious but that night I prayed to god. I asked him to help my mom
get off wellfare, I asked him to keep my brothers and sisters safe, then I asked him to watch over my father, I asked god to give him a good life, a
good job, then I asked god to give him a nice wife.
When I was around 10 he tried calling me again, I didn't answer, but my mom did. When my mom got off the phone she told me that my dad got married.
She also told me that he was starting his own business. I just sat there and nodded acting like I didn't care, but when my mom left me alone I found
myself smiling. I started to wonder if god answered my prayers. I didn't sleep much that night, I just explored my mind. I started to wonder why
God would exist in the first place.
I fell asleep before I could reach a conclusion, but when I woke up and I saw my Mom, I suddenly had a very comfortable feeling envelop my body. I
will say again, I'm not religious, but at that very moment I felt like God was telling me to feel happy. I started too see her in a different way.
She looked like she was glowing, she looked so happy.
I looked at her and in a split second, I started to see her soul. I didn't see an aura around her or anything like that. I just saw her smiling,
and I felt what she was feeling. When I saw that smile I pretty much deleted my dad from my memory. I don't know if I saw her soul, but when I saw
her smile I felt her soul.
That night I prayed to god for the last time. I was happy because I realized that if my dad was a better father, I never would have respected my
Mother the way I do now.
I don't know if souls exist, but I don't think I could ever forgive my dad if I didn't have something in me