(SSSC) The Weenie in Halloween

Gary turned to Shawn before he knocked on the door.

“I think I should do the talking.”

Shawn shrugged. He knew that once they got inside the Boss’s office that all bets were off. If Gary wanted to lead things off then that just meant Shawn could throw him under the bus if things went south.

Gary raised his hand to give a knock on the large, metal door. He paused.

“This is a good idea.”

Shawn stopped chewing his gum.

“Is that a question, or…?”

“No…should…?” Gary suddenly looked worried.

“It was a statement then. You…”

“Yeah. Like an affirmation.”

Shawn put a reassuring hand on Gary’s shoulder.

“Good. Because this is a great idea. It’s important.”

“It needs to be said.”

“It needs to be said.”

Gary took a deep breath through his nose and knocked on the door. The knock echoed through the hallway like a failing heartbeat. The response came quickly. A deep voice:

“Come in.”

Gary pushed the door open and poked his head in.

“Hey Boss.”

“Gary. Good to see you.”

“Shawn’s here too.”

“Hey Shawn. What a treat! Quit hiding back there, ha I’m just kidding with you…didn’t think the both of you were even around today. Sit, sit."

The Boss directed Gary and Shawn to a comfortable couch as he settled into a cushioned chair next to the fire.

“How are things up there, fellas?”

“No complaints.”

“Yeah no complaints, you know…”

“Hey you could complain but who’d listen, right?”

The three shared a hollow chuckle that dissipated into an extended exhale. They sat in silence for a moment or two, the Boss sliding his eyes back and forth between his two executives. Slowly, his right hand slid out from under his leg and lifted to the top of the nearby flames. The flames licked the Boss’s palm, his skin growing bright red above the heat.

It was a trademark move for him. It meant: “Get to the point.”

Gary took a deep breath and leapt into his pitch while Shawn kept his attention on the Boss.

“We just wanted to talk to you, Boss…and it shouldn’t take but a minute and it’s probably something you’ve thought about already.”

“Open door policy here, fellas, you know that.”

“It’s about Halloween.”

The Boss raised his eyebrows.

“I know it’s kind of…”

“Wow.”

“…it’s kind of…”

The Boss laughed and shook his head, a little surprised.

“Hey I’m all ears. You know Halloween is my baby.”

“Oh yeah...we just want it to be…I’don’t know…all it can be, you know?”

“And it’s not, you think?”

Gary swallowed hard.

“No. We think it’s slipping.”

The Boss took a deep breath that seemed to suck life out of the room. He took his hand away from the fire and pressed it to the back of his neck. His chest raised in another deep inhale as he eyed his two visitors. Gary and Shawn didn’t so much as blink. Finally, the Boss squinted his eyes, rested his chin on his hand, and spoke.

“Go on.”

Green light, thought Shawn, and jumped into the fray.

“Do you remember last year when all those schools told kids they couldn’t dress up anymore in school and so now they just do some kind of silly parade and the kids just…I don’t know…just get handed candy without doing anything at all to earn it?”

“Of course.”

“That’s what Halloween has become. No witches, zombies, vampires, or hookers…no…just Johnny and Sally in their jeans and sweaters getting tummy aches from too many Snickers bars.”

The Boss kept his eyes on Shawn, who tried not to squirm. Luckily Gary piped up.

“There’s just no teeth anymore, Boss. You know…literally…remember werewolves, huh?”

A twinkle popped in the Boss’s eyes and the left side of his mouth turned up.

“Dammit I loved those things.”

“Exactly but where are they now? London? Huh-uh.”

Shawn leaned forward a touch.

“Remember that one Halloween when those Quakers drown like forty witches because it was ooooooo…it was Hallows Eve.”

The Boss laughed wistfully.

“They weren’t witches at all.”

“Hell no they weren’t witches Boss, but it didn’t matter one damn bit…why?”

“Because it was Halloween .”

“Because it was Halloween, Boss.”

The Boss stared off into the fire, letting his mind wander a bit, reminiscing of days long past. Then he sighed.

“How did we get here?”

“I know, sir.”

“You guys are right, where is the teeth?!? Dammit, when did the Vlads become the Belas, huh? When did the werewolves become the Teen Wolves? You know who I blame?”

“Who?”

“You guys remember Flip?”

“Flip…”

“Yeah…did a lot of work in North America for us…green eyes, big…you know, big square jaw…anyway, one year the guy comes into my office like you're doing right now…”

“Like this?”

“No joke just like this and he says to me…he says I think all the '___' and razor blades are ruining Halloween.”

“No.”

“He did, just like that. And that Flip was a very convincing guy. He had a great marketing plan for Halloween that would endear it more to the common people and take it to the streets and blah blah blah…seriously, how did I buy that?”

“If I may Boss…no kidding, I miss the '___' bit.”

“Dammit you know, now that I think about it, I do to.”

“I mean honestly was that the funniest thing you ever saw?”

“Seriously, it was priceless. But you know what I miss even more?”

“What’s that Boss?”

“Screaming. I miss screaming and blood and…you know not fake blood, real honest to goodness fangs-on-neck blood.”

“Here here, Boss. You said it.”

“You know what I miss, Boss? I miss just possessing some guy and, and…you know…just going to town with an axe or something.”

The Boss clapped his hands and let out a spontaneous yelp of excitement.

“That’s what Halloween should be about. You guys are right. I’m on board. Let’s get the troops riled up and really go nuts this year. I’m serious, anything goes. Tell Jesse in procurement that I want some damn werewolves…I want like a legion of them and I want them to…I don’t know…completely wipe out some town in Ireland.”

“Brilliant.”

“I want mummies in Cairo, I want voodoo dolls in Haiti, I want '___' in M&Ms and I want Sarah Michelle Gellar to wake up on November 1st with two holes the size of Texas on her neck.”

“I love it. I’ll do that one myself.”

“One fun thing I was thinking about, Boss, was kind of a campaign down here to get everybody really pumped up and spread the word…just picture t-shirts and banners and stuff that say ‘TAKE THE WEENIE OUT OF HALLOWEEN.’”

The Boss was practically levitating out of his chair at this point, visions of blood and chaos rising like thick smoke above his massive head.

“Do it.” He said. “Do it all.”

Gary and Shawn practically skipped to the door to begin implementing their changes. The Boss’s voice stopped them short at the door.

“Hey guys…”

They paused and turned to face their Master.

“Give ‘em hell.”

Gary and Shawn smiled broadly, then exited, closing the metal door with an ominous clang.

Sweet Ess, you need to teach me how to do dialogue so well man. Love your work.

(btw i am neither an alien or a freak)

mojo.

(ohh ok i may be just a little bit freaky )

Thanks for the niceness, mojo.

The three steps to writing good dialogue, in my opinion:

1)
Listen to the way people talk. Set a tape recorder on the table during dinner sometime, or in the middle of a poker table...then transcribe it word for word. Look at the way people converse, it's really fragmented and fascinating.

2)
Read what you write out loud or, better yet, have someone else read it for you... see if it sounds natural.

3)
Read David Mamet.


And until I see some empirical proof, I'll need to continue assuming that you are an alien and/or a freak. I'm scientific like that.

Oh wow..way cool...Just huh..replace Buffy with me OK?

OK I just finished reading it to my 7 year old home schooler. I ask him "How did you like it?" He says from beneath his desk "Not scary!".

Oh wow this was dripping with diabolical irony, the marketing campaign from Hell. Fantastic work mate.

Just to echo what mojo said (he beat me to it)...your dialogue writing skills are way above.

Always natural, life-like...

Just stopping in to say I love this story and it is one that stands out in my memory, and thats saying alot

Happy Halloween my friend!

Great dialogue as others have mentioned, but also very original and entertaining. Well written One of my personal faves.