how to talk to people

First let me give a background about myself. My whole life, I never knew how to start conversations with people. I have a very difficult time talking to people who I don't really know, therefor I'm not really good at making friends. There are my best friends who I easily can talk to, and other friends which I have a hard time to start conversations with. I only have one girl who I am completely comfortable around, she is one of my best friend's soul mate (they've been together since sophomore year in highschool, we are all now 22.) And before you ask, I never was jealous of him. Every girl I liked was never in a relationship with me, I was too shy. Currently I don't like anyone, but I am nagging for a good emotional relationship. I have a natural smoking hot face (always did) and now finally I am building a strong body to go with it (take some time though).
Oh and I absolutely despise video games, did since early highschool.

Anyway, I would like it if anyone could tell me how to talk to people. I would TRULEY appreciate it, and it would surely help.

[edit on 6-10-2007 by wildcat]

[edit on 6-10-2007 by wildcat]

I can't talk to people either. And after I do, it's like I keep going over the conversation over and over again in my head about what I might have said to offend them, and wishing I could go back and fix it. Never fails. And I've practically given up on ever having a boyfriend. But I HAVE gotten better, and here's my bad advice:

1. As weird as it might seem, try starting conversation with loud, outgoing people, not shy ones. At leat there won't be that dreaded silence.

2. I've found the best way to start a conversation is to complain about something that everybody hates. People like to complain, so you WILL get an answer.

3. Have an excuse to leave in case things get too uncomfortable.:shk:

4. If all else fails, psych yourself up to be confident by imagining you are somebody else or an alien in disguise.

I wish I could talk to people like how I can talk to my friends.

I simply start by asking questions.

But, you don't leave it generic. You can start off by what do you do?
(hopefully it is something interesting)
how do you like it?
what don't you like about it?
is it hard?
what do you do for fun?
where are you from?
did you grow up there?
have you lived anywhere else?

keep up on current topics.

did you see this on teh news? what do you think?

people like being asked about themselves because it makes them feel important and interesting. act interested even if you are not.

sometimes conversations will be easy and smooth sailing. some people are not good talkers and you will really have to draw them out.

if you have a thought, memory, or any info that is relavent, interject it.

It really makes it easy if you learn about stuff, anything. read everything. so now matter what subject comes up, you can keep a conversation going by talking about it.


if the only thing you do is play video games, and the other person doesn't, then you are going to be stuck with nothing to talk about. It will not only help with conversations, but will enrich your own life. Also making you feel more confident to talk to people. win win situation.just pick a subject, art, the Revolution, a country, birding, star gazing, read books. See a subject you don't know? Look it up. Then you come across other info in the process.

Thanks

I never play video games, I'm the kind of person who couldn't play them for more than 30 minutes.

Said that in case you thought I did

[edit on 6-10-2007 by wildcat]

reply to post by wildcat


LOL no no. I was just using it as an example. It is the kind of hobby that people tend to do as the only thing in their lives. I just meant that being well rounded helps a lot.

I like to learn about everything. I smile and laugh a lot. And people always tell me I am very approachable and easy to talk to.

It doesn't matter who I talk to in a crowd. since I try to learn a little about everything, I can usually find something to talk about.

But just start asking questions. Whatever it is they bring up, just start asking about that.

It is hard at first, and you may come off as being forced. But soon enough, you will become old hat.

Why do you think the good Lord made alcohol. Have a couple of Rum and Cokes and you will be jabbering like a monkey about the most silly things and everyone will think you are sooo funny.

Careful though; it's very easy to get too confident, hammered and look like a fool.

Easy does it!!

Don't drink and drive!!!

or you can learn to play a guitar and sing a little and people will be coming on to you, wanting to engage you in conversation.

I suffer from the opposite actually. For some reason perfect strangers want to talk to me and tell me the most intimate details of their lives.
All I can do is politely listen and nod my head.

I tend to have trouble socially at times to, and after getting tired of it I just started talking to people. Your 22, start hitting some of the bars and clubs around you, keep up on current events as long as you have some vague idea whats going on in the world you will have something to talk about, other than that a smile and hello usually work quite well. Also if approaching a woman don't take her "not interested" response personally, because it usually isnt personal. And most of all be yourself.

I have almost the same problem, except I can randomly talk about anything with people I've never met before, just as if they are old friends, yet people I actually know, but maybe don't socialize with I find it much harder. Perhaps it's the anonymous aspect that helps, maybe you could try that(although it's normally not me starting the conversation, but random people who for whatever reason feel like shooting the s**t)

Random anonymous conversation, not just for extroverts anymore.

Isn't it Ironic that you can't talk to people in person, but can so easily over a forum? Just pointing it out ..

I used to be able to talk to people without hesitation, but now it's not that easy. Talking to a total stranger can almost be nerve racking. I'm not shy, I just don't have anything interesting to say.

Don't think about it too much when your trying to talk to someone, just do it. It's not like it will matter when your lying on your death bed some 60 years later. Or maybe it will, what do I know.

Goodluck mate.

It's always nice to smile and be a little funny when meeting someone for the first time. Say hi and how ya doing. If they say hi back then introduce yourself and talk about why your there and what you're doing. They might just say why and what they're doing there. Complement them if they're wearing something you like and looks cool. Just remember to listen to them and try not to think about what you're going to say next. Let it flow and stay focused on them. Look at them when you're speaking to them and listening, don't look away to much. If you can tell good stories that have something to do with the conversation then that's a real plus, but they have to be good or funny stories. Be honest and yourself and if they aren't listening to you or brush you off then they're missing out.

I was serious about a couple drinks. Just to loosen up a little, not get sloppy. Then go to a bar and find someone that is a little lubricated too and use that person to practice on. Chances are they are looking for someone to talk to them.

Afterall what's the worst that can happen? It's a BAR where people go to meet other people. People want to be recognized as people just like you do; they will be flattered that you even want to take the time to talk to them.

With a little practice you will be surprised how easy it is to make contact with others. And I mean intimate contact; if you catch my drift.

Lonelyness sucks and there is no need to be lonely. You got the nice face, strong body; look at all the subhumans out there yucking it up. Join em.

I have been taught and have learned 2 things to remember If you want some one to like you:

1. use there name, even if they say they don't like it, people will respond to you and like you more if you use it.

2. Don't talk about yourself until asked too, Ask questions about them, be interested in them. People like it when others are interested in them, but can really be turned off by some one that just goes on and on about themselves. Ask questions about family, school, work, and the best panty peeler is hopes and dreams.

Some other advice is to relax and be yourself, don't be closed off do not cross your arms or avoid eye contact, smile and listen to what they say and respond, watch the movie Hitch for more good examples

reply to post by LDragonFire


Good advice also it should be pointed out social situations are not to be treated like a job interview. Why? well just how many times have you really went on one and not felt you were being measured, just how relaxed were you? Why would you want to make a potential mate feels as such?

I think it's ironic that I have an easier time talking to a group of people than one person. And I have an easier time talking to people in person than on the phone and through the internet.

What I really need to know is how to start a conversation about one's self after I've already been talking to them for a few weeks.

[edit on 4-12-2007 by wildcat]

It is not uncommon to feel shy about talking about yourself. That is personal and private things that you are about to disclose to someone else!

I have found that when things have reached the point that discussing myself needs to occur, I will start with small things. Likes and dislikes, pets, funny little things that happened to me during the day.

If the person you are talking to is good at conversation, they will be able to take these small lead-ins and launch a full conversation. In time, you will feel more comfortable about talking about yourself.

Don't worry! It just takes time and practice.

When talking about yourself there is an art form involved, if you do it to little you appear unconfident in yourself and to much and you are boorish. The key is to let it flow naturally, another is to learn salesmanship the key to that is again do it naturally. Don't just tell the story live the story paint that canvas embellish it a little bit use your hands and your body to tell it make sure you use tone and inflection. watch what people that are good talking do, take notes. Learn who you are, and use it to your advantage even the quiet shy guys can get women with minimal work if you handle it right. Hell if you are even doing it right they will come to you.

i have no clue how you feel mate, im pretty confident when talking to people, esp girls, for some reason i can just get talking to girls no problem lol
its pretty great tbh, i suppose it goes on confidence =)

start off small, talk to ugly girls then work you way up =P hahaha im only joking mate, no-offence to anyone reading this who isnt a looker, i appologise sincerly

Wanna know the BEST way to talk 'with' people?

Notice that I said: 'with' people, and not AT people

Some people learn at an early age how to flap their yap - AT PEOPLE

These are the types that haven't yet learned the art of conversation.

How to talk WITH people 101:

1. Shut your mouth while people are talking with you. (What a simple thing to do?!??! Yet, you wouldn't believe just how many people are ready/willing/and freakin able...to add their 2 cents..the moment someone's mouth opens?)

2. Lean in' to the 'body language' of the speaker - I'm not asking the individual to do a 'French Pantimine' - copying every move.. Pashawww...far from that. Watch and observe the way the speaker presents oneself. Be in 'sync' with body language.

3. Look for Nuances - Those subtle moves that might direct one to 'end' or 're-focus' on a topic.

4. Much of what we say....isn't always what the main topic is meant to be - This is 'key' with ME. I find this misnomer/miscomunication with many individuals. "It''s not so much WHAT we say, but HOW we say things.

~Ducky~


[edit on 14-12-2007 by TheDuckster]

reply to post by XxXzombieXcoreXxX



Everything has gotten better since I started this thread, so thank you for your help everyone.

The main reason I've gotten so much better is because I listened to other people's conversations and learned from it.