Coming out on ATS! (don't ask, don't tell...)

Yep, that's correct, I am coming out on ATS.
I am gay.

I told my parents, sisters, friends and only received positive responses so far. Coming out to my dad was hardest.

I was thinking about coming out the other day, and it seems to me that there is nothing like coming out. Nothing in life comes even close to the phenomena of telling people close to you about a part of your most intimite desires, even though it is none of their business to begin with.

Many times I decided it wasnone of anyones business and noone would ever know. This decision led to a life of lying, deceit, and being "undercover straight" for 22 years, after which I decided that I was not going to act for another 22.

Coming out happens more or less everywhere in the world, yet how people stand towards this event is completely different for different countries, cultures, or even followers of certain religions.
Especially the moment just before deciding to come out, being torn apart by fears, doubt and the extreme desire to stop lieing to people I cared about, was a sensation unlike anything I ever felt before.

After finding out about the "don't ask don't tell" policy regarding gay people in the American Army, I started wondering why a general attitude regarding coming out in America differs so much from the attitude elsewhere. (europe, canada)

Where I live, coming out is a positive thing, yet it seems like in America it is something you don't do if you want to be accepted.
The knowledge itself regarding someones orientation doesn't change the orientation, so why do people in the US army make such a big deal about not wanting to get information that will have no effect whatsoever on anything.

How reasonable is it to ask people in whatever context to hide the way in which they were born?

Originally posted by Jakko
How reasonable is it to ask people in whatever context to hide the way in which they were born?

Not reasonable at all.

Good on you, dude... I salute your courage, honor and integrity.

I'm glad your experience has been positive thus far.

It makes no difference at all though, because you are still a person of great value to everyone around you.

Congratulations! I can only imagine the weight off your shoulders! You don't have to hide or pretend to be something you're not.

Why do people in the US make such a big deal? Oh, God, I don't know! In many ways, people here are so backward and repressed when it comes to anything sexual, it's ridiculous! There are the most violent and bloody movies that make millions and millions of dollars, but show a bare breast on TV for 1.2 seconds and the freakin' world's coming to an end!

I don't get it, but I'm glad everyone's not like that.

I hope you continue to have positive responses. But Zedd's right. It doesn't matter.

I have to express that I am very happy for you. It must have been very difficult for you to keep such a "secret" ('sigh') for so long. It must be such a relief. What a personal joy it must be -- to be, well, YOU! I commend you for your courage and integrity.

Love is something that is sorely lacking on this planet. Why do so many people hate the concept just because it doesn't fit "their" definition of the term? Love is Love and believe me, this world needs LOVE.

good for you jakko =o)

love is amazing, and i'm happy for anyone who knows how to share it, with whoever they choose, or feel is right for them. its much better than fear, and anyone that feels there is anything wrong with being gay, lives in fear.

can i come out as being confused? no, im not going to hijack the thread- easier to just say i love everyone! =o)

this thread has cheered me up no end, so thanks =o)

Well, congrats Jakko for your own strength on being able to do this more openly now. It can take a serious amount of efforts to get the guts to do this, I know.

If you ever need to talk, always feel free to u2u me, and remember you aren't alone here on ATS, and that goes for everyone regardless of sexual orientations.

May your life only get better from here on out!

That is a huge step for you to take, I applaud and admire your courage.

You are above all a person, one of us, no matter what your preference is.


Best wishes to you and yours.

Here's to a long happy/gay life!

I'm so proud of you for having the courage to come out! It must feel wonderful to not have to pretend anymore.

*big hug*

Your strength has floored me. Sometimes people can be less than "understanding" which is upsetting. Your ability to stand up for who you are is something that dreams are made of. I only hope that your message, and your strength, is able to reach out and touch someone who is in need of this much needed inspiration.

Nobody should ever live in secrecy for who they are. Color of skin, sexual preference, anything, we should be proud of who we are and our loved ones should love of us for who we are. If someone can not accept us for who we actually are, it is their loss.

My hats off to you mate. You are a true inspiration.



edit: grammar



[edit on 18-4-2007 by chissler]

Your courage is an example to all, and I salute you...

A persons sexual preference should never define who they are. Make sure that yours does not.

Always have the courage you have shown here, the courage of your convictions, and you will do well in life my friend..

Semper

it's sad that we must applaude this as courageous. in a better world we wouldn't have to consider that courage was involved in telling people who you really are.

but nonetheless, you are an example to the world that oppression will not triumph


here's to a better world where coming out isn't something that requires anything more than a statement of who you are

Congratulations on taking that big step; unfortunately you have to keep repeating it every time you associate with new people. It does get easier with time. You might want to check out my active thread "Why do gays exist" in the social issues file for some debating points if you have to defend yourself some day. As a gay man, I can tell you I understand how your sexual identity percolates into every aspect of your life, even non-sexual ones. Try and stay safe.

Congrats!

While I'm sure it was hard to come out to your family, it was probably harder to hide the truth from them. I hold you in the highest respect for being true to yourself.

j_kalin is very right about it being an on going process. You'll find as you meet more people or change jobs it will come up again.

I always introduce my partner as my husband in social situations, or make some reference to him in conversations with new people. That way there is never any awkward decision later on as to whether I should tell them later, it's out in the open right away.
And you know, I've never had a negative reaction from anyone, perhaps living in Canada has something to do with that.

You're also in pretty good company here at ATS, we have a lot of great member that happen to be gay.

And we've got a lot of accepting and understanding members that happen to be straight.


Glad to hear that you'll be pitching for our team full time now.

Knowing who you are, and not being afraid to let the world know it takes courage. You are to be commended. All the best now and in the future. That could not have been an easy thing to do with your family, that alone was courage of a sort not all of us have. Again, best wishes.

Thanks for all the flattering responses guys, it's great to see that even though homophobia is alive as ever in so many places in the world, on ATS this is not the case.

One negative result regarding coming out, is that I stopped going to church.
I have always been a christian and right after I found a church that I really thought was a good place for me, the pastor held a speech about sexuality, and explained that God made Adam and Eve, and not Adam and Steve.

It's not that I care about what the pastor thinks, it's just that I know about so many stories of young gay people thinking about suicide when they find out they are gay, that the attitude of such a pastor angers me greatly.

If he wants to help teenagers (that also exist in HIS church) that have been feeling unhappy, rejected by everyone, and "wrong" since they found out, then saying "God didn't make Adam and Steve" is really not the way.
It only pushes them deeper in the closet, leading to lives of deceit and marriages doomed to explode, scarring many in the process.

Congrats Jakko,

I applaud you in your decision, good for you.

I can only imagine how hard it must be to tell family and friends, but if viewed as most people I know, things will hopefully remain the same.

I think homosexuality is 'just another way of life', and should not be looked down upon or discarded as some type of dysfunction.

Not trying to sound like an idiot or ignorant, but with todays society the way it is and with more and more people 'coming out', IMO there has to be quite a large population of gay people recognised or not.

Perhaps a gay president is not that far off.

If I was American, and could vote, it would not change a thing.



I have heard this expression before, but it always makes me laugh

Originally posted by Jakko....and explained that God made Adam and Eve, and not Adam and Steve.

It is really sad that one should tell other people what your sexual preference is. Actually it's more strange than sad. We don't get straight people coming up to us telling us "Hey, buddy I'm straight..." But there's a thousand and one reasons why it's this way, but that's another story.

Matter of the fact is that you've accepted that you're gay, and in my opinion that is the most difficult part of being gay. From here on you have to figure out all the questions, like where do you fit in Christianity, in society and in life. The answers are out there, never be afraid to ask the questions.

Just be careful from who you take advice. And most importantly don't let the homophobes get you down. We've got some pretty mean ones here at ATS (I can name most of them), but as you've seen here that the majority will support you.

I see many other gay members made an appearance in this thread, and I can recommend most, if not all of them as good enough sources of advice.

Be proud of who you are, but don't let YOU just be about homosexuality. Your sexuality is only a small part of who you are.

I'm going to stop now, because I sound like Oprah again.

Originally posted by Gemwolf
We don't get straight people coming up to us telling us "Hey, buddy I'm straight..."

This poster hangs in our office at work...



Love that poster!