Passive Agressiveness

Who feels that they are passive agressive? I feel like I am and some times I have trouble coping with it. What I mean is I'm basically a little wimp that will go to the extreme to avoid confrontations! Now I'm told that this is a good quality but sometimes I won't even approach someone to ask for something back that I lent them some time ago. Or when someone steals from me.. and I KNOW who it is that stole from me.. and I SEE THEM IN PERSON.. and I just choose not to say anything.. I always end up kicking my own ass because of sitiations like this.

So is there anyone else who is as passive agressive as I am? Any tips for sitiations similar to the ones i described? It can be a real pain sometimes but on the other hand i guess its not a such a big deal.

thanks

You are not alone. I'm, the same way and its been awhile i questioned myself, but now that i've been around for awhile, i like myself exactly as i am- passive aggressive; I wouldnt change it for the world.
I hate confrontations with anyone.
I like being soft and sexy and non confrontational. It suits me fine- NOW, that said, if i'm pushed to the limit i will chew someone's head off with my Spanish temper and then wonder if i was momentarily posessed by the devil.

There's nothing wrong with you.

i dont feel as if somethings wrong with me its more like im sick of not standing up for myself.. cuz i never do. in virtualy any situation. sometimes this gets the best of me and can really screw up my day.. like when my boss says he can't pay me on payday and asks me if its ok and i simply respond with a "yes" and i dont even know why! i need the money!

thanks tempe

Well, when it comes to money, and you need it, you should really try to stand up and say you need to eat and pay your bills and you need it NOW.

You dont want people to mistake your nice attitude and take advantage of you. You can very nicely say, "
Gee, i really needed the money today"

My brother has the same problem, sometimes they make him wait 3 or 4 days to get paid and he's incapable of saying anything. Take baby steps and practice a little taking a firmer stand. I think it will become easier for you because, i want to be honest with you, people wont like you any better if you're REAL nice. Just try it when you get the chance, in a nice way of course, because that's you. You're just plain nice.

Good luck.

haha, youre reading me like a book

it is true that i probably am to nice and i do notice people taking advantage of my niceness but im usually not really one to care

i always catch myself saying "i'm the nicest guy i know"

and you know what, i think its true

thanks for the responce!

[edit on 15-4-2007 by Lysergic]

I find myself doing the same often.

I will purposely avoid confrontation. However, when confrontation is brought to me, I take the offensive stance.

I guess I would be called agressive defensive.

But I know what you mean about avoiding confrontation.

oops

messed up

[edit on 16-4-2007 by Russian soldier]

Originally posted by Russian soldier
Yo Biotic, you live in Cali, I will still be here in Cali for a lil while, if someone messes with you, you tell me, I got yo back

hhaha you got it russian soldier

aren't you stayin in the bay area tho?

im down here in so cal

Originally posted by biotic
Or when someone steals from me.. and I KNOW who it is that stole from me.. and I SEE THEM IN PERSON.. and I just choose not to say anything.. I always end up kicking my own ass because of sitiations like this.

You don't sound passive/aggressive to me. If, in the above situation you stole something from them in retaliation and claimed not to know anything about it, THEN, I might think you were P/A. But avoiding confrontation it itself isn't P/A.

There's nothing aggressive about avoiding confrontation. Unfortunately, there's not much respectable about it either. If you want everyone to like you and that's why you avoid confrontation, then you're probably going to dislike yourself (and kick your own ass) for not standing up for yourself and being fair to yourself.

Being fair to one's self is as important as being fair to others. Treating yourself with the same respect that you treat others is very important. You may not be "liked" by everyone, but those who do like you will also respect you, which, in my opinion is much more important.

Just my thoughts.

The problem with passive aggresiveness is that it turns into brutal aggressiveness. It builds nad builds until one day it just explodes. In many circumstances it leads to brutal murders and such. Many of these people who go in and shoot about 20-30 people are often labeled as being previously passive aggressive. It can lead to a lot of problems for a person.



[edit on 16-4-2007 by SpeakerofTruth]

To rely to the last 2 posters, I think there is nothing wrong with not doing anything about it, he's like a very good guy, I think we need more people like him so we would need less people like me

And to the other guy, he won't neccessarily explode eventually if he learns to deal with his anger, you know, not everyone who is quiet eventually kills everyone


And Biotic, LA ain't that far, I can get there if you really need me
is all good, always down to help a brotha out

peace

I resent lysergic's empty post - I believe it's indicative of passive aggression.

Like saying something that's not heard and then refusing to repeat it.
Humpffff I bet he's always late too.

People don't often think of passive aggression as an anger management problem, but that is exactly what it is.

Anger is an emotion that signals a change is needed, but it is the most difficult emotion for many people to negotiate.

There is a difference between being assertive and being passive aggressive or just plain aggressive.

Assertiveness helps a person to channel their energy more effectively into what ever change is required, whether it be external or internal.

Assertiveness requires creative verbal skills and self esteem, passive aggression and aggression only requires a resentment.

Originally posted by clearwater


People don't often think of passive aggression as an anger management problem, but that is exactly what it is.

Certainly. Most passive people, and certainly passive aggressive people withhold resentment and anger. Anger eventually turns to hate and hate turns to violence. Unfortunately, it's usually an individual /individuals that have absolutely nothing to do with the person's resentment or anger that winds up suffering.

Originally posted by Benevolent Heretic



There's nothing aggressive about avoiding confrontation. Unfortunately, there's not much respectable about it either. If you want everyone to like you and that's why you avoid confrontation, then you're probably going to dislike yourself (and kick your own ass) for not standing up for yourself and being fair to yourself.



Just my thoughts.

Thanks BH, i appreciate your thoughts but im going to be completley honest when i say this has nothing to do with getting people to like me.. i could really care less if someone dosnt like me.. i dont know who wouldnt like me but if you you dont, more power to ya!

my behavior really has nothing to do with gaining any sort of acceptance whats so ever. im very shy and only open up to a few close friends, getting or rather, WANTINg people to like me has never EVER been an issue for me

speaker, i agree sometimes i feel as if i want to burst.. you knwo just grab my hair with both my hands and start ripping away all while screaming like a stabbed unicorn under a burning tree from hell.. haha, just kidding.. well about everything up the unicorn atleast

as a child i had anger problems and often got into arguements with classmates and teachers that often resulted in trips to the principles office. in my older years i have become more relaxed, im almost behave compltley oppisite then i did when i was younger.. but i still feel the emotions running their courses inside me

thanks for the replies everyone!!

[edit on 16-4-2007 by biotic]

[edit on 16-4-2007 by biotic]

Originally posted by Russian soldier



And Biotic, LA ain't that far, I can get there if you really need me

is all good, always down to help a brotha out

peace

good lookin out homie

I am the same way in many ways Biotic and I always wondered if it's not because I have much older cyblings whom I basically grew up doing everything on their terms with little input. I have noticed in my own kids the youngest one has to do everything on the older ones terms. She gets pushed around and run over by her older sisters and made a personal slave out of so to speak. I think there might definitely be a connection to older cyblings molding younger cybs into basically pushovers.


I do think a long fuse is better than a short one,10 to 1. No one likes to be around a short fuse guy who goes completely off the deep end over nearly nothing.

I don't like confrontations either, and I will go to great lengths to avoid an argument! I'm like you dg, when I'm pushed to the brink...I explode, and explode big! It takes forever to get me to the boiling point though...
F O R E V E R

I absolutely hate confrontations. When someone tries to argue with me, they get sent over the edge when I can remain calm and they are practically yelling. On the other hand, once I'm mad everyone watch out!



(I wouldn't actually shoot anyone)