Why do women have to be so confusing

relationship wise. first when you meet them they seem nice. they seem like they enjoy your company. but in the end every time, they end up running away for someone with a faster car or a bigger wallet.

why are women so cruel? i can only be nice to them as long as they are nice to me. it has to work both ways, i would like to think, right?

Originally posted by misterfantastic
why are women so cruel? i can only be nice to them as long as they are nice to me. it has to work both ways, i would like to think, right?

You would think so,but that isn't always the case. I suppose one of the reasons that I am still single is because I don't have patience for a woman's wishy-washiness. It either is,or it isn't in my opinion. It isn't one way today and another tomorrow. This seems to be the way women operate.

They act like they like you today and won't hardly speak to you tomorrow. I'll soon be thirty years old and I have never figured them out. Like I told one girl, "Look, it either is,or it isn't. You either want to be with me or you don't. I am tired of you yanking me around." She moved to Alaska.

[edit on 25-3-2007 by SpeakerofTruth]

[edit on 25-3-2007 by SpeakerofTruth]

I am a lesbian, so I am a woman, yet I still have similar problems understanding women. Not all women are wishy-washy, but some are and it is confusing.

One thing I can tell you is that women do not communicate the same way men do. Sometimes they have a reason for suddenly avoiding you, they simply won't tell you what it is.

That makes them look wishy-washy. It leaves you wondering why. You start looking for the reason on your own. Then all kinds of things go through your head:

The guy (or girl) she left me for had more money, so that must have been it.
She wants someone with more money.

or

The guy (or girl) she ran to is more muscular, better looking, has more hair whatever, so that must have been the reason she left me. She wanted someone with a better image.

The reason you think up isn't always the reason she is thinking of. At least that's my experience.

Just know that even as a woman, I don't understand women.

Originally posted by wellwhatnow
Just know that even as a woman, I don't understand women.

I actually think that is quite common. Most women who I have been engaged with and talked to don't understand women either.

[edit on 28-3-2007 by SpeakerofTruth]

Originally posted by misterfantastic
relationship wise. first when you meet them they seem nice. they seem like they enjoy your company. but in the end every time, they end up running away for someone with a faster car or a bigger wallet.

why are women so cruel? i can only be nice to them as long as they are nice to me. it has to work both ways, i would like to think, right?

Your joking about this right???

YOu dont spend alot of time worrying about this..it tells of insecurity..this drives many women away.

See the post on " Women Hate nice guys " on this relationship board.

See and study the concept of leading. YOu know..leading like in Dancing. IF you are to nice a guy you may not be leading. This can contribute to the women leaving you.

Have you ever considered that if a woman leaves you she is probably doing you a favor?? Helping you out?? Your probably better off without here.

Life is difficult. No one promises you a bed of roses or the choicest morsels off the plate or table. You have to work hard for them...and to maintain them.
This means you are looking for a woman with an attention span. Not one who can only function between sound bites. This also assumes you can do the same yourself.

This statement of yours ..it has to work both ways ...is not necessarily true. Leading is not necessarily working both ways..it is leading. A very different thing.
When a woman leaves you as you are describing ..it is not working both ways. Get a clue dude!! Think here..dont emote.

THanks,
Orangetom

Not all women are like this. But in our defense alot of our day to day feelings are influenced by our mestual cycle. Get a book on it and be prepared to be amazed at the kind of hormone spikes we experience at different times of the month. Im not just talking about during her "time of the month" either, Im talking about during ovulation, and after as well. Really we only get one week after our period when we are not on some kind of hormone spike which is making us into crazy poeple. Now you might be saying that we use this as an excuse but really I did not even know this until I just took a class on it, and I am a woman. This is all an unconscious thing.

This can explain why we love you one day but want to be alone the next. We are not evil really! LOL Just hang in there

so as the man i have to be the "leader" in the relationship???

but that would make me look dominant... dont know if thats gonna work either.

Originally posted by misterfantastic
so as the man i have to be the "leader" in the relationship???

but that would make me look dominant... dont know if thats gonna work either.

Did you go to public schools and never quite got over it??

Leading is leading. That philosophy you are expousing works well in good times...what happens in difficult or bad times. How about in very hard times.

I am talking about leading with a view to responsibility..not convenience or options or some psuedo social roles based on fictional equality. I am talking about survival.

Do you honestly think for one minute that a woman ..even a educated woman is going to take on the responsibility for a man or a man and his children at her expense as a career??
Only a man can be this naturally stupid..because women are naturallly smarter than this.

Women who are intrested in a man to keep are intrested in his potential..the "P" word..potential. Potential means options for them and or their children. THEy are not looking for a man who is higher maintenance than themselves and or thier children...got it yet???

If you get a woman who is in the fast food lane..and leaves you ...she is most likely doing you a favor by leaving.

A woman who is high maintenance for herself and her kids is in fact dominant. It just looks passive while a man in his ignorance struggles to meet the maintenance requirements which will change constantly over time.
Only a man can be this naturally dumb that they dont understand this fingerprint.

I never worry about looking dominant. It is not an issue. Most women I have met respond to confidence in a man...they can spot it miles away like radar working in the dark. THey can spot men who are unconfident and insecure in like manner.

It is up to you to educate yourself to this. YOu dont find many manuals for men in this arena of survival. You also wont find many women willing to teach you this line of thought.

This is why I dont concern myself over whether a woman is confusing or not. If she cannot handle it she can hit the bricks or come up to speed......make herself useful in the relationship..not just or merely optional.

Thanks,
Orangetom

I'm not sure that is going to work either. Certainly there are some women out there who would go for a "leader."

However, I personally tend to think of relationships as being more likely to succeed when both people are equal - neither one dominating the other. That's just my experience though. I don't see equality as fictional. Equality means that both people are respected as human beings and that one person is not merely an extension of the other person.

Now confidence, that's different. Confidence is very attractive. I think both people involved should have it.

edit in light of orangetom's point concerning confidence

[edit on 3/29/07 by wellwhatnow]

It's funny but my wife and I recently bought season 1 of the TV series 24, and we made a weekend of it and watched the entire season. During the show it seemed to me that EVERY woman in the show was a [B-word] in 1 way or another, I kept saying WOW what a [B] and this happened quite a few times, by the last couple of episodes I received my biggest surprise of all when my wife revealed to me "the secret", which made complete and total sense once she said it........

.......her revelation?


........................"Jack, I'll let you in on a secret, WE ARE ALL [B-words]!"

Now armed with this knowledge, I am no longer burdened with having to figure out women...

Another way to handle those hairpulling situations I have used in the past : :w:

I feel a freedom that I haven't felt since childhood woo hoo!!

In any new situation I never think we will be together forever. thats stupid thinking. Women lie and cheat, and its all about security to them. they funny thing is most men and women know when in the long run it wont work out. As of never being married, I would know about that.
What I say it scurr it. She dont want you. She not good enough for you. You need to be a man and accept that. And start looking for the right one. If you cant get the old out your mine. You'll never find what could be in front of you. Its hard I know how you fill. But will your crying, the right one could be in front of you. If she dont want, she not good enough for you. You can get better. Besides women are easy. espeally when you hit them in there heart.

I tend to agree with JackatMt concernnig Western Women. They can be that way at times. For some reason this fingerprint has become dominant among certain women in the west. They tend to think this is a type of excellence. It is not. It is confusion. Manipulation by spreading confusion. This way or manner is used to play through undebated by causing confusion. It also allows many to substitute your value system with thiers...and often before you are even aware it is happening. Men ought to be smarter than this ..as I stated in earlier posts.

This used to get to me years ago when I first ran across it. Now when I run across this type of woman I do the sensible thing. I leave them right where they are at. They are a dime a dozen. Being a bitch is not a yardstick of excellence. It is self promotion. It doesnt impress me...nor confuse me anymore.

I attended a class for potential supervisors at my workplace. One of the women in the class when introductions were begun at the begining came out with the standard mantra of the womens movements.

"Strong Women...men are afraid of a strong woman."

That is the best intro one can do??? I recognized this as insecurity masked as the appearence of aggression...or potential aggression. It is the standard mantra of the movements. I'm not impressed!!

One fact of which a real genuine strong woman educated me to is the concept that real strong woman or man does not need to advertise that they are a strong woman or man. People will figure it out soon enough on their own. I am grateful to this genuine strong woman for educating me to this fact of life.

If a woman wants to impress me..dont cause confusion to get others to do what you want or need...solve problems yourself with your own skills and commitment levels...otherwise you are nothing but a cheap drama queen politician. But this concept would take real commitment...not drama. But only men can be commitment phobes..right??!!

You guys need to be smarter than this.

Equality means commitment ...not the appearence of commitment and being a bitch to cover this up.
Observe many politicians closely..this is precisely the strategy they use..cause confusion in order to get others to scramble for you. You can see it several times a week if you carefully listen.

THanks,
Orangetom

Originally posted by orangetom1999

THey can spot men who are unconfident and insecure in like manner.

This I completely believe. Being an admittedly unconfident, insecure guy myself, I do believe this is true. I think they can spot insecurity from five miles away and avoid any guy that suffers from it like the plague.

Women generally don't understand why I am insecure, neither do I to be quite frank, but they know that I am. They know that I am not really the kind of guy that's going to just haphazardly approach a girl and say: "Hey, let's date." Most women like a guy that can do that. It's quite apparent that I don't and never have been the type to do that.

Secondly, it's in your body language. If your the type of guy that walks with his head down and avoids eye contact, most females are going to make it a point to avoid you. I know from experience. Insecurity has never really done anything for me but place me in hardship and loneliness. It's ironic that I know this and have never done anything to correct it.



[edit on 29-3-2007 by SpeakerofTruth]

Look.

When you're dealing with women, think of everything as one big Dare, at least in the initial stages.

If they like you, they will tease and show off and flaunt their bodies and make ALL KINDS of noise - essentially Daring you to go for it!

When you sense this happening, forget about trying to spend all kinds of time talking with them, being Friends etc.

Just GO FOR IT.

Go right up to her, stand tall and look her right in the eye, and talk to her. Then see if she will let you touch her on the arm or shoulder.

If she's receptive to that, try for a kiss right away!

Or, you can ask her out in the more traditional way, "where do you live? do you live with someone or by yourself or with parents....? What's your phone #? Let's do something sometime, I'll call you....."

Basically when you start being more bold and forward and flirtatious, they will in turn play less and less annoying mind-games with you.

If you won't make any bold moves..... they will just taunt you relentlessly until you end up in the mental hospital.....

Originally posted by SpeakerofTruth

Originally posted by orangetom1999

THey can spot men who are unconfident and insecure in like manner.

This I completely believe. Being an admittedly unconfident, insecure guy myself, I do believe this is true. I think they can spot insecurity from five miles away and avoid any guy that suffers from it like the plague.

Women generally don't understand why I am insecure, neither do I to be quite frank, but they know that I am. They know that I am not really the kind of guy that's going to just haphazardly approach a girl and say: "Hey, let's date." Most women like a guy that can do that. It's quite apparent that I don't and never have been the type to do that.

Secondly, it's in your body language. If your the type of guy that walks with his head down and avoids eye contact, most females are going to make it a point to avoid you. I know from experience. Insecurity has never really done anything for me but place me in hardship and loneliness. It's ironic that I know this and have never done anything to correct it.

[edit on 29-3-2007 by SpeakerofTruth]

I dont know how olde you are Speaker of Truth ..but I suppose it doesnt really matter. Women are women...you just have to learn to catalogue certain varietys of them.

Yes they can spot Insecurity...even the younger ones because social skill and perceptions are very important to most women in a manner in which they are not important to a man.

I too can be introverted and insecure when I so choose. When women come about dangling the carrot so to speak in front of me..and I dont feel like biting I to into my ignore mode and let it come across as insecurity. Most dont have an attention span or desire long enough to persue it further. Conversely I can do it the other way too.

However I will tell you ..that dating older women most of my life has taught me much about women and how much they can be hunter gatherers just like men but in a womans style or fashion. Dont ever think women cannot be aggressive. This is true especially among older women for whom the biology is running out and its gettting close to midnight Cinderella. They can be quite aggressive.

Dating older women opens ones eyes to alot about women...then when you go back to dating women your own age or younger some things become obvious.

I dont often agree with Miller man but in his post he is mostly on point. Especially about the mind games...even older women play this...it is just more sophisticated than the younger ones. It will keep you on your toes.

Just remember this and what it bodes ...no woman older or younger deliberately teaches you about women only to lose you to the next woman coming up the road.

Educate yourself Speaker of Truth. It will help you get over your insecuritys.

Thanks,
Orangetom

I think this says is full of crap.
If anything I want a strong women mentally,physcally,emotionly.

Mentally- A women for me gots to be strong in the head and not stupid. She got to be one where if I am doing something real bad, she'll stop me in my tracks. But she also gots to know I am the man, and I gots points that she got to be not pushing. Just like her I can drop her in a second. I need a women mentally wont cheat who can handle a strong person like me. cuz i ant like the rest of most men who are only horney.

Physcally- I also need a women who just dont lie on the bed and do nothing, I need a women who can throw me around, as well as take my throwing.

Emotionly- I need a women with a good sense of humor and is not crying all the time. Dont get me wrong I can handle a women crying and at a moment is emotionly upset. But I dont need a women playing games to get my attendtion. NOT GAMES JUST REAL THINGS BETWEEN ME AND YOU.

So the better saying if you ask me is Men NEED STRONG STRIGHT WOMEN.

The bad saying for most women would be Women like strong rude guys, and strong stright good guys.

Originally posted by orangetom1999
I dont know how olde you are Speaker of Truth ..but I suppose it doesnt really matter.

Let me just put it this way, much too old to be insecure. It's just something I am going to have to find a way to solve.

Originally posted by SpeakerofTruth

Originally posted by orangetom1999
I dont know how olde you are Speaker of Truth ..but I suppose it doesnt really matter.

Let me just put it this way,

much too old to be insecure. It's just something I am going to have to find a way to solve.

Agreed Speaker of truth. Well said..well said. Keep at it. Solving this issue will help you greatly in your walk through life..not only with the women but in other avenues for which you will encounter.

skymattb,
I like stong women too..not just the appearence of a strong woman.
What I dont like is drama queens...whether male or female. I work with a bunch of male drama queens. THey are pitiful. Makes me wonder what their women actually see in them.

I take real genuine risks in my occupation for my moneys. I dont have time for women who have only the appearence of a strong woman ...rhetoric...drama...etc etc. Women like this are a dime a dozen.

As to women in bed...this is often highly overated. YOu learn about them in this arena. Other arenas too. This presupposes you are not full of yourself and can see subtiltys like that radar of which I have spoken. A difficult task for most men...including myself. This too is leading. I require so much more from a woman than just getting into bed. This would require a strong woman. A woman with more than just a Public School / television education.

Women...even the so called strong women dont like rude guys. They like guys who can stand up for them, their children, and themselves. THey respect a man for whom a woman cannot run over and lead them around by the nose. If they are going to keep a guy around...they also dont want a man who is higher maintenance than themselves and thier children. I'll translate this for you ..they dont want a man who will be competition..either for emotional time or goods and services. High maintenance.

If you have problems with this concept watch carefully what passes for education today ...and then contrast this with the actual social beleifs and practices..ie the real religious beliefs...and then figure out which one will dominate the thinking and practice of women. It is a huge contrast. This is what many men find confusing. It is not.

Thanks,
Orangetom

noo man fim 17 and all girls i see are hanging with complete idiots...
someone that arent even that rich or have a nice car...
girls would even not like a nice looking guy that likes then with money and car but they will like a ugly guy with no cash that even dosnt buy them a drink when they go out...just couse he acted cool...
they think just couse they have a little make up on theyr king of the world.
and its ture u should treet others as they treat you!!!
a girl knows if she likes u the first 5 minuts she sees you so if she starts the "friend" bull# just stand up and go...u can always find better
im so dissapointed that most of my age girls are with the mind of a baby so now when my sex drive is calling ill just go to a hooker):
the worst thing is...i dont wanan sound as a bad guy but woman need to watch how they look...beautifull girls are mean...couse they look good...
now im not sayng ugly girls should not have self esteem but a uly girl being mean to me and acting liek shes something more then me....thats just ***** ...nothin let her act soon she will see how **** she is
:bnghd:

[edit on 31/3/07 by Unisol]

Originally posted by Unisol
noo man fim 17 and all girls i see are hanging with complete idiots...
someone that arent even that rich or have a nice car...
girls would even not like a nice looking guy that likes then with money and car but they will like a ugly guy with no cash that even dosnt buy them a

While I can't say this applies to all women, but it has seemed to me that women aren't as much about looks as guys are. Women have always seemed, at least in my experience, more attracted to the guy with the "great" personality than the "great" looking guy. Again, that's not always the case, but it certainly seems to be a rule of thumb for women.

I am, not to be conceited, a pretty damn good looking
dude. Yet, my relationships have been few and far in between. I attribute that much to my attitude. While I am a stereotypical "nice" guy, I am not funny and I am certainly not very sociable. Therefore, by society's
standards I have failed the "personality" test.

Most women seem to like guys who can sit around and talk about a whole lot of nothing. They don't seem to like a guy that can talk about world events, politics or religion as much. In other words, if a guy talks about things that has meaning or bite to it, girls tend to not be as interested in him.

My sister has told me, "Well, brother,women like a guy that can talk about those things, but not if that is all he can talk about. You have to be able to joke and talk about, what you call meaningless talk sometiomes." Maybe she is right.


[edit on 31-3-2007 by SpeakerofTruth]