I am going thru a divorce, would appreciate some comforting words

Searching,
When my husband left 6 years ago, I cried for 5 days. Got up every morning, popped a xanax, didn't eat all day and just cried. On the 6th day, I got up, washed my face, made myself eat something and said: that's enough. I have to look at this like I'm a widow. Nothing can change it and my children still need me. Sometimes the sadness still washes over me but my 8 year old son makes everything worth while when, out of the blue, he'll hug me and say, "you're a good mom. i love you".
Get that paperwork going NOW. My ex came back a week later and snatched my son out of the house, threatening the babysitter with bodily harm. Scared my then 2 year old son to death. I got him back but "he who files first, wins".
If there's no chance for reconciliation, then it's a war. Let the lawyers battle among themselves, detach yourself from the fray personally and just give your lawyer whatever he/she needs. Until you have documentation stating you have at least temporary custody, stay somewhere other than home or you risk having the child taken. Possession is 9/10ths of the law. Hard to get them back without a court order. Best of luck to you and you really are not alone. Wish I'd known about ATS back then.

i am sorry things are not going great at the moment but everything will get better in time just give it time.. by all the replies you do have friends & people that care for you i hope everything starts to look positve for you

[edit on 27/3/07 by Sth Hemisphere]

Searching for truth,I have been there man.My first wife was very abusive both mentally and physically. She was an alcoholic and addicted to coc aine(wasn't into coke when we met,btw).I dealt with it for ten years.Once she started to go out all night I new it was time to go.The stress involved was immense.I was very withdrawn from people.I even would not answer my door when friends came to visit.Finally after a few months of feeling sorry for myself I woke up and started to live again.I should have done it alot sooner.It took me 5 tears to go out with another women.I was scared of being hurt again.But it was worth it cause now I am married to a beautiful women who is a perfect wife and mom.I have a beautiful 16 month old baby girl who is a gift from heaven to say the least.What I am trying to say is don't do what I did and withdraw from society.You have been given a 2nd chance,go out and enjoy life.Meet new people and have a blast.Also I see you have a son,spoil him to death.I think children are absolutely the greatest gift in life.I know you have probably heard this all before,but its the truth man.Don't ever think you are not good enough to have a life.Someday sooner or later you will meet the perfect women,until then LIVE IT UP!If you ever need to talk u2 me and I'll give you my phone #.Good luck bro.

I don’t know what to believe anymore. God knows, I tried to obey every existing law known to man. Be it laws of man or laws of God. My search for the absolute truth has cost me so much. I don’t know what believe or to hope for.

For the past few days, I tried to reply to all ATS members who gave comforting word to me. But I find the keyboard so heavy that I can’t even afford to reply to the good ATS members who took effort to help me. You will never realize how much those words mean to me. It helped me to understand things that I am not so familiar with.

Even if I say thank you, the sincerity of my words can not express what I truly feel.

I guess the search for truth is just a wishful thinking. It may never be known to me nor will it ever become a reality.

Maybe the atheists are right. Maybe the ones who have religion are right. But what can we do? We are just part of a puzzle that we are still working so hard to complete.

After all of those 36 years of my life, I can’t believe that I am still lost and I am still searching for truth.

I still believe in God, though I am not sure who is the God who created me (If there is really an existing God )

What I know is that I breathe, I feel and I exist somehow in this state that we call life. Other than that, who knows what a reality means.

I guess I am not alone in this thinking. Life is such a mystery. I think it will always be that way.

What is love? I think that the real love is unconditional love, it is selfless. It does not demand anything in return. Love is just actually placing your happiness to the happiness of another person. (This is at least that I feel and I know of but I maybe wrong)

I hope that someone else who is going through the same way that I am through now will learn about this thread and will become a helpful tool.

I can’t think of any other word to say but I will leave it to these words;

1. Always keep the faith, faith maybe the one thing that we are keeping as alive.
2. Be dynamic, life is full of surprises. The ability of oneself to adjust with great flexibility is very important for the survival.
3. I usually expect the worst, so that when the worst comes, I am emotionally & physically trained to deal with it.
4. Go with the flow, sometimes, if we tried so hard to make things happen that way we want it, we will just be endlessly disappointed.

If I offended someone with my disclosure, I sincerely apologize. I am just speaking honestly, sincerely from the bottom of my heart. I don’t mean offense to anyone. I will always respect each person’s belief.
What I have just written now is what really what’s inside me.
My intention is to share and hopefully, can be helpful to anyone who is in need.

Peace to everyone, and I sincerely wish everyone to have a fruitful and meaningful life.




[edit on 27-3-2007 by searching_for_truth]

I sincerely hope you find the light at the end of the dark tunnel you seem to be in right now.
I work closely with people who are going through divorces and child custody disputes every day. They look to me to fix a situation that I cannot. I tell them the same thing which sounds so cliche but it's true......it just takes time to heal.

You must understand that your life is now forever bound to your spouse due to your child. No matter how much you may dislike each other, please keep civility around your child. Easy thing to say but many find it almost impossible to do. You just would not believe how much people derive a sick pleasure from badmouthing their ex to their small children. This is a form of child abuse in my opinion. The child becomes a pawn...an outlet to keep the drama continuing. Only the child is hurt and will certainly remember the bad actor when he or she is older.

Good luck to you friend......

It is not easy especiallly when you start thinking about the memories you had together, the good ole days. I know what you are feeling I was with my husband for 27 years , met when I was 16, and it is 8 months now that we are apart, and I learned that being on your own ( my children are all grown) is lonely, but if you can live with yourself you can live with anyone. The only thing you can do is take it one day at a time, that's what I do.

I am going thru this now and I can say that this is the worst thing I've ever had to deal with. Married for 13 years and I am deeply depressed right now.

Originally posted by searching_for_truth
It is my 3rd night and the withdrawal symptoms are real after 8 years of being together. I am now a single father of a 2 year old boy.
I will have to raise him alone.
I am staying strong and I hope that I can get over it fast.

Thank you in advance.

My heart and prayers go out to you.....I have been through divorce too....but it was several years ago....I also have a child....my ex and I decided early on to talk things out....and be polite and kind to each other...because of our son..and because we once were married. We eventually forgave each other...and it took time and effort...but we are friends now. You have your son...and 2 is such a precious age.....focus on being strong and positive for him....and it will help.

Dear Searching For Truth.
All strength to your arm, brother.
Remember to eat properly!
Remember to demonstrate to your boy the best way to deal with the situations life throws at you, he will reward you in priceless ways.
Remember that life will go on, and you will most certainly find the one you should be with.
Remember that alcohol will be fine for a while, but it will neither solve any problem, nor will it make you feel particularly good the next day...having said that, i dont see anything wrong with a slight bender...he he.
Remember that now you have put your call out...there are people as far away as Melbourne Australia, thinking of you!
Kiss your boy and tell him you love him...often.
Kiss yourself and tell yourself you love yourself, often!
Love yourself for being able to feel any pain!
All strength to your arm brother
Akushla

Although this might sound stupid, Nixon's Final Speech is a truly amazing and inspiring oration if you consider what the man had been through and how crushed and humbled he was. You don't have to agree or disagree with nixon's politics, that's not the point at all...think of it in the context of a man who had had his own life turned upside-down in one of the most profound ways that could ever happen to a human being.

Exerpt from the link above:

Now, however, we look to the future. I had a little quote in the speech last night from T.R. As you know, I kind of like to read books. I am not educated, but I do read books -- and the T.R. quote was a pretty good one. Here is another one I found as I was reading, my last night in the White House, and this quote is about a young man. He was a young lawyer in New York. He had married a beautiful girl, and they had a lovely daughter, and then suddenly she died, and this is what he wrote. This was in his diary.

He said, "She was beautiful in face and form and lovelier still in spirit. As a flower she grew and as a fair young flower she died. Her life had been always in the sunshine. There had never come to her a single great sorrow. None ever knew her who did not love and revere her for her bright and sunny temper and her saintly unselfishness. Fair, pure and joyous as a maiden, loving, tender and happy as a young wife. When she had just become a mother, when her life seemed to be just begun and when the years seemed so bright before her, then by a strange and terrible fate death came to her. And when my heart's dearest died, the light went from my life forever."

That was T.R. in his twenties. He thought the light had gone from his life forever -- but he went on. And he not only became President but, as an ex-President, he served his country, always in the arena, tempestuous, strong, sometimes wrong, sometimes right, but he was a man.

And as I leave, let me say, that is an example I think all of us should remember. We think sometimes when things happen that don't go the right way; we think that when you don't pass the bar exam the first time -- I happened to, but I was just lucky; I mean, my writing was so poor the bar examiner said, "We have just got to let the guy through." We think that when someone dear to us dies, we think that when we lose an election, we think that when we suffer a defeat that all is ended. We think, as T.R. said, that the light had left his life forever.

Not true. It is only a beginning, always. The young must know it; the old must know it. It must always sustain us, because the greatness comes not when things go always good for you, but the greatness comes and you are really tested, when you take some knocks, some disappointments, when sadness comes, because only if you have been in the deepest valley can you ever know how magnificent it is to be on the highest mountain.

reply to post by searching_for_truth


I was with the same woman for almost twenty years - 2 kids, both boys - she divorced me last year for a millionaire, trips, & clothes. It still hurts, but it is slowly getting better. The fact she WAS NOT the person I married by the end makes it a little easier but of course I look at myelf and wonder if I could have done anything different. People grow apart. Even those who have been together forever. It sucks more than anything and I suggest getting some counselling if you are still feeling depressed about it. The sooner you start living your "new" life, the sooner you will be better - I know it doesn't sound like much, but you've got to do it for your kids...keep strong dad.

CJ