I am going thru a divorce, would appreciate some comforting words

It is my 3rd night and the withdrawal symptoms are real after 8 years of being together. I am now a single father of a 2 year old boy.
I will have to raise him alone.
I am staying strong and I hope that I can get over it fast.

Thank you in advance.

A two year old child, not all perhaps but pretty much all a man could ask for or need.

Things may be a little tough for you right now but hang in there. I never knew what happyness children could bring until my daughter came along. I can't say what joy awaits you in your future together only that I imagine that your child will bring new meaning to the word for you as my daughter did for me.

His father's sensitivity already suggests he has a better start than many and I'm sure it'll only get better as you grow together.

Stay strong and the best to the both of you.

Jak

If you ever need to shout...


[edit on 22/3/07 by JAK]

There is no easy way to get through a divorce, especially when children are involved. I know what you are going through. I was separated from my now ex wife years ago, and was left a single father with 4 children.

You must focus on your child, and find things to keep you busy always, and most importantly go out, meet new friends and try to build a new social life, never drink alcohol alone, or drugs, that will take you places no human should ever go.

You will survive this episode, life goes on, and you can love again, and possibly remarry one day.

Chin up!

My thoughts are with you.

Bless you and yours.


UM_Gazz

Thank you so much UM_Gazz & JAK. You may not realize how much helpful your words are. I appreciate this so much and it's helping me a lot.
ATS is the only place that I can think of during this darkest time of my life.

Thank you,

Originally posted by UM_Gazz
never drink alcohol alone, or drugs, that will take you places no human should ever go.

I am guilty as charged. I have been drinking heavily alone for the past 3 days but not taking drugs.

I am heavily sedated with vodka as of now.

I will do my best not to drink anymore tomorrow.

A sincere thank you is the least I can say to show my appreciation for you guys and ATS.

[edit on 22-3-2007 by searching_for_truth]

[edit on 22-3-2007 by searching_for_truth]

God will not give you more than you can handle. Put your faith in him and your love, support and guidance in your beautiful child. You are your sons father and rock in life, you should be proud of yourself.

Changes can be difficult but you will find peace.....love you already have.

Blessings to you and your family....

Thank you so much kinglizard. I am also a firm believer of God and guilty of not doing the righteous way. I agree that God won't give us something that we can't handle.

It is up to me now to go on the righteous way, keeping the faith & solve the problem in my own capacity & free will that God granted.

[edit on 22-3-2007 by searching_for_truth]

Hello there, friend.

I'm sorry for what you're going through. That's a terrible difficulty to have to face, and the upheaval of your entire life must be near unbearable. As a married man, I know where you're coming from; my wife and our unborn child are everthing to me. Damned be the house, the job, the money, everything. What I really care about are the two people in the world dearest to me. And having a past, I know what it's like when someone you love so incredibly much turns around and throws that love in your face like a weapon, with no other aim than to hurt you.

Alone is a deep word. The deepest word in the English language, in my opinion. The "o" in the middle represents the deepest pit of despair anyone can feel.

How fortunate you are not alone. Instead of seeing your 2 year old son as a burden that you must raise alone, see him as your source of strength and a companion to help you through these rough times. This is your flesh and blood, your boy. Be the best damned father to him you can be. Stand up, dry your eyes, wash your face, and be a shining example of what a man should be.

You can't help the actions of your wife. She's going to do what she thinks she needs to do to get by, and no matter what decisions she makes, they aren't going to make you happy. The absolute best thing you can do, for yourself, and for your son, is to be a shining example of what a good parent should be. Sometimes that just means getting up the next day, going to work, making sure there's food on the table, and keeping the bills paid.

Work to better yourself. Always. The temptation to blame yourself for everything is going to be as strong if not stronger than the temptation to blame her for everything. Understand that blame's good for the first day or so to get to sleep at night, but it's a poor foundation for building a better future.

You are ALWAYS able to build a better future, even if it's one step at a time.

When my wife met me, I was a worthless stoner in a trashed apartment that reeked of incontinent cats, liquor, and unwashed clothes. From the moment I held her in my arms, she made me want to be a better man. From that day forth, every day, I have strived to be a better man, one step at a time.

Let your boy be that motivation. Make yourself a better man, one day at a time. Take ownership of your life, your fate, and the fate of your boy, and do whatever it takes to better yourself, one step at a time.

When you feel yourself slipping, you take a good long look at that boy of yours and ask yourself if what you're doing would make him proud of you, or ashamed, because right now he's at that age where his very definition of right, wrong, and what constitutes a man is being formed, every single instant. You can't help the divorce. It's bad news, but survivable. Don't let it ruin your life or his. Better yourself. Be the very model of a good man and father. Make your boy proud.

that is so horrible

i would be so sad :shk:

here may be some comforting words:

there is a 50% divorce rate in the US...

everything happens for a reason...

okay, so its not that comforting...

at least you and your boy can be together

EDIT:

i see that you live in vietnam...

never mind about the first thing then...

well, actually, maybe it has been socialized into people that divorce is okay nowadays???




[edit on 22-3-2007 by they see ALL]

A divorce is a difficult thing to deal with. The time put in lost, what did I do wrong, feelings of guilt, what could I have done differently. Those are all things that can weigh on you if you let them. Don't. I felt the same way when my first wife and I broke up and yes, it led to boozing and worse. The funny thing about feelings is that they change. A couple of years later, the day that we split became a day of celebration. Life was WAY better. Now I have 3 great kids and a good family life with my second wife of 18 years.

Once you have some time to reflect on what's going on the pain will lessen, trust me. People are also typically afraid of change. Change is not a bad thing, don't fear it. Now, the booze on the other hand IS a bad thing, it ADDS to depression, not lessens it. The more you use it the worse you will feel, not better. Not to mention that it is making NOTHING go away.

Now look at the positive, you have a child. They're a blessing. Cherish this time. It doesn't come again, every child being different. You're not alone, just look at the way your child looks at you, unconditional love. That's gotta make anyone feel great.

You also have friends here. If you need anything feel free to u2u me anytime. Chin up man, it's going to get better.

Gosh what a terrible time for you, But you need to stay positive,

Your boy needs you now more than ever and I'm sure you need him just as much,

Your in pain right now, but you will adjust, Just going to take a little time,

We are here with you and its good to talk about all this and how you feel,

Don't go through this alone, I would suggest you try and get out of take a holiday (if possible) or plan one, just for some rest time,

What ever happens we are going to be here for you,

please feel you can u2u me and vent, Spam me if it makes you feel better

Take care, and we will be thinking of you,

I am heavily sedated with vodka as of now.

This is not good. I know divorces are hard. But hey you have a two year old now. You have to think of him not drink and drink to where you can't take care of him. Kids need alot of attention. Drinking will hamper your abilities to take care of him. Good Luck. Sorry to hear about your divorce.

I know exactly where you are comming from, searching_for_truth I just got through my divorce. its a horrible time for all involved.

Try not to let alcohol guide your decisions. I admit it was a dear friend of mine when my wife first left me. It numbed the pain and let me forget the lonlieness that went allong with having to sleep in a bed by myself.

But now you have to remember that your little boy needs you now more thain ever. He is wondering where his mommy is and he needs you to be strong for him. He doesnt have the words to ask the right questions but he needs to know that daddy will always be there for him.

it's also time to start doccumenting everything you can. The more paper the better on this. Eventualy you will go to court and this all needs to be presented. If you do talk to your ex try and make sure that you can record the phone calls or preferably use Email and Instant messenging to communicate with her. This is admisable in court and you need to have as much on your side as possible. The law is not fair as far as custody goes and even if your ex abandoned you and left you with your son when court time comes arround they are going to do everything they can to give your little boy back to his mother.

I know you feel betrayed and alone. I have been in that exact boat recently. I tried everything I could under the law to get my son back but in the end the court ruled in favor of my ex wife. Who is anorexic/bulimic and has cut herself repeatedly. The law is not fair and if you want to keep your son in your life you had better get an attorney right now. File your paperwork to the court as soon as possible and get a temporary order for custody and child support.

DO NOT DATE There is a reason for this. If you go out and find a woman right away this will look bad on you. While yes you are separated and all that, technicly you are still married as far as the law shows. Your spouse can use a girlfriend as evidence against you. You are now going to be in a battle.

I have just recently been down this road searching_for_truth if you want to know about the hell your are about to go through just let me know I have fresh expirence in this torture.

Stay strong, your son needs this. Everything you do from now on has to revolve around making sure that little boy is being taken care of. It shows already that you are a great dad by you having your son. Don't loose him for her. Also you will do your son the biggest favor in the world by not talking bad about his mother arround him. He still loves her and he should. Keep the bad mouthing away from him. Let him know his mother still loves him. Your son needs to know that this was not his fault.

Do not delay, get that court order right now. Get a lawyer right now. don't put off thinking that she doesnt care enough to try and fight this. I will repeat the law is not on your side in this you need to cover your ass everywhere. Do not let her have that child before getting a court order to do so. Let her see your son but do not let her have him overnight under any circumstances. She will take him and you will not see him for months.

Now is not the time to be a nice guy to her. It is time to make sure your rights are protected. If you give in a little she will take everything she can from you. It wouldnt matter if you left each other amicably in the end the court will try and give the child to her.

if you need to talk u2u me I know exactly what you are going through....

[edit on 3/22/2007 by whatukno]

Just thought I'd swing on by and send out my heart felt wishes as well.

Hang in there, you'll get through it.

And also you should keep in mind that right now at this very moment there is a nice woman out there somewhere, maybe down the road maybe 'round the corner thinking "Gosh I wish I could meet a nice stable fella".

For a single man a child trumps dog any day of the week.

Any single men on the board who has ever taken their dog for a walk on a sunday knows exactly what I"m talking about.

I'm not suggesting you use your son as a prop to meet women of course...but I'm not suggesting you shouldn't.

Hop in the shower, grab a shave, put on a nice pair of pants and shirt and take your son for a stroll through the park...

I think you'll be pleasently suprised.

Spiderj

You have your son..... when things get tough just close your eyes and envision your son saying "I love you daddy", that should be more than enough inspiration to get you through even the most difficult time. I'd also hide the vodka until you are feeling better. Keep your chin up, it'll all work out just fine.

I was also divorced, and let me tell you, it was the BEST thing that ever happened to me, I dated for a few years then finally got sick of the games and such and just decided to have FRIENDS the were female ( look at my Avatar) the Very Next day I met my current wife, totally by chance, and she and I have been together ( and VERY HAPPY ) for the last 15 years; Yes the first few months will be rough, but in the long term it will be worth it. DO NOT expect to find love in the next year or more, but go out and make friends ( and state that CLEARLY) you will be amazed at how many women will respond to that ( and who couldn't use MORE friends) but Never ever say "I love you" or make sexual advances to them for 1 year. it will be much better for your life.
(don't LOOK for a replacement, females can sense a hunter and the ones that are attracted to that sort of male are NOT long term partners) Go out and have fun, and make "fun" your goal, nothing more

How come you have to raise him alone, is his mother still alive. He'll always have his mother. A little rarer for women to walk out on their children, especially an infant, usually a result of desperation or sickness.

Truly in divorce the parents divorce each other, not the child. Can't imagine someone running off on a two year old. If you love your child, you'll respect his mother.

Sorry to hear your marriage has ended in divorce, but for the sake of your son, continue to treat his mother with respect and support. To insult the parent of the child is to insult the child.

Very difficult when one parent is a psychopath or abusive, but possible. Have faith in the child's discernment.

Truth comes out in the wash.

Originally posted by searching_for_truth
I am now a single father of a 2 year old boy.
I will have to raise him alone.

Oh you are so fortunate to have your child. That is all you need.
Try and keep busy in the down times and having your son to run around after will help. There are a lot of people who when they separate lose contact with the children. And many would love to be in your position.

Be strong and try to be positive about your future.
I know its hard and it is very easy to lose sight of what is really important when your grieving or emotionally devastated. But, try to keep focused.

all the very best

originally posted by intrepid

Now, the booze on the other hand IS a bad thing, it ADDS to depression, not lessens it. The more you use it the worse you will feel, not better. Not to mention that it is making NOTHING go away.

Oh yes, I absolutely agree to this! Avoid alcohol at all costs. It doesn't help in any way. It makes it worse.




[edit on 22-3-2007 by NJE777]

Dear Searching,
Those whom seek shall find.
You have, in this thread received valuable advice, I have nothing to add.
Words can only go a short distance.
You are in my prayers.

WIS

My spouse and I broke up one week ago and now I have an 11 year old son to raise alone. In my case, I am grateful that it is over. I wish to GOD that we would have ended it when my son was only two. Some problems only get worse over time.

I believe that there is great purpose behind our lives. This event may serve a purpose that you cannot see, but in my experience, if you look for purpose you tend to find it.

Stay strong, be the father you would want if you were in your son's place, and know that things always change - always. The way you feel today will not last.

This pain, like all pain, is only temporary.