5 Years and still no answer :(

I have been after a specific person for about 5 years now, we are really good friends, and we have dated but nothing has come of it .... yet, she isn't seeing anybodyand I love her, I really want to be with her, what can I do???????? Anybody at BTS can you help me or give me advice on what to do! Really need both female and male points of view!

Thanks

Hmm...this is tough one. But, Here's some advice.

1) Don't play with her emotions too much, this might leave her feeling 'invaded'

2) Give her time to think, 5 years might seem like a long time, but you never know.

Questions:

1) How did the dates go? If they went anywhere from good - excellent, this is definately a good start.

2) Was there any 'sparks'..anything like that?

(By the way, I think we should call this A&BTS...for short..if you call it BTS and ATS..seems like different sites....just my opinion..but doesnt it sound better if it is..i dunno...unified?)

-wD

You need to let go.

5 yrs and nothing has come of it, I know you don't want to do it, but it's time to move on. Believe me, I was in "love" with this girl for a little longer than you've been after this girl. It was hard to let go, always felt like there was something, that there would always be that chance and at first I felt it was meant to be. Never met any girl like her, figured if there are soulmates she was mine. It just wasn't meant to be.

Get on with life, there are billions of fish in this sea.

Ah, well said Lysergic. Come to think of it, I have to tend to agree with Ly on this. Like he said, there ARE plenty of fish in the sea. But, if you REALLY REALLY REALLY are sure you could get her, give it 1 more try, but really, take Lysergic's advice.

-wD

Hi WeBDeviL, I would never play with her emotions, not on purpose any way, and more time eh? I can do more time!!!!

but I don't want to move on ....

the sooner you let go the better.

5 yrs is quite a long time, if ya'll were "meant" to be ya know what i mean?

why dont you do a like a pre-proposal. Instead of getting a ring (unless you can take it back) propose with a flower or something. Say, "Will you marry me?" Maybe she's just waiting for you to show some guts?

if you've been " chasing" for 5 years........... hmmmmmm maybe try to stop chasing and see what happens?

just a thought

Holy $hit!! 5 years?? Dude you are definately a patient guy. LOL!!! Let it go. If its meant to be it will be.

[Edited on 24-10-2003 by Ocelot]

Agreed Mulberry. Give her the time to make a move..but lol dam..five years lol.

-wD

yeah I agree with you WD 5 years?

but I wonder if the whole psych is she knows she has someone on a string and says no.............. so the second that is taken away she'll turn to " oh hang on a minute............... the whole you dont know what you've got till it's gone type of thing?

dude, all you are doing is feeding her ego by hanging on to her like that, she doesn't appreciate you enough to become a serious thing, so just swallow your feelings i know it will be painful, but just move on, the sooner you do it the sooner you can feel better...

if that makes an sense... i been drinking *) WATCHOUT!

sounds like something im going through. infact, she's part of the reason why im moving across the planet in about a month. note that i said "part", i have family that i'm visiting aswell. i just need to sort that thing between us before i can move on. it's weird. the feeling that is, i mean i've tried dating in between, but it didn't work very well. maybe you could try dating in between, it might work for you?

strange thing huh, "love"

The big question is how old are the both of you, and how well do you know each other?

If you have been pining for her for 5 years, and you started at 6 and now your are 11, then she just might not be ready for the type of relationship you are proposing and maybe you should get into Xbox or something.

If you are in your teens - 17, 18, 19, then maybe she just needs a friend instead of a lover. Its too early to commit to another.

If you are older then maybe you have given this person too much of your life and time, and its time for you to be strong and move on.

If you have only pined from a distance for 5 years, then hell, be careful you don't get mistaken for a stalker.

If you have had a good friendship that length of time then just work on that first, good freindships lead to good relationships.

In the end you can't "do" anything. its up to the girl to decide that you are her apha male, and she wants to be with you.

She may like you as a friends but if you just don't pop her clogs, then you arn't her mate material.

In that case apart from begging, there is little to do, the relationship will always be one sided. She will always carry the power in the relationship, and you will aquess, and be considered by her and by yourself that you are only second grade goods. Thats not good, you don't want to be there more than you want to be with her.

If you've known her for five years and not made a move yet you're in a bad place. You're stuck in the friend zone. The worst place to be with a girl you like. What you need to do is make a move. A drastic move. I would get another girlfriend then, cheat on this girl with your five year crush. After that it should work out.

I was in a similar situation and this is what I did and it worked like hotcakes. I got the girl I wanted and I was happy. We broke it off after about a year and a half though but, there were no hurt feelings and we're still friends. That's my advice.

wow, nottoohappy, you sure are ruthless when it comes to getting what you want! regardless, interesting tactic, not that i could ever do that, but nonetheless...

So lasting a year and a half is a GOOD outcome?

Originally posted by NotTooHappy
If you've known her for five years and not made a move yet you're in a bad place. You're stuck in the friend zone. The worst place to be with a girl you like. What you need to do is make a move. A drastic move. I would get another girlfriend then, cheat on this girl with your five year crush. After that it should work out.

I was in a similar situation and this is what I did and it worked like hotcakes. I got the girl I wanted and I was happy. We broke it off after about a year and a half though but, there were no hurt feelings and we're still friends. That's my advice.

We work better as friends. We're too much alike and being together grew boring. We hang out all the time and even spend the night in each others beds but, we're not a good couple. Her currant boyfriend is afraid of me.

Originally posted by deafence#
wow, nottoohappy, you sure are ruthless when it comes to getting what you want!

regardless, interesting tactic, not that i could ever do that, but nonetheless...

If she knows that she can have you whenever she wants, she won't want you. You need to make yourself unattainable. Then she'll want you more than air. Trust me, it works.

Alright DH,
First lets clarify a few things.
1. how old are the two of you?
2. just how have you made your intentions known?
Have you actually sat down over a candle lit dinner and said. " I love you and want to spend the rest of my life with you"?

Women are not mind readers you know.