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Want to tell best friend how i feel about her but scared to do so

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posted on Jan, 7 2006 @ 05:29 PM
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crappy thread name i know

but i need some advice.


i am scared of alot of things: flying, bees, wasps (i think the name is cool but the they scare the hell out of me) hornets (again with the name thing), big bugs in general, riding on roller coasters, big dogs, (was mauled by a german shepard at age 3) being drafted, and the list goes on and on.

but...

nothing scares me more than losing this girl to some other man.

i would fly around the word non stop wearing a beard of bees/wasps/hornets , then land and get on the biggest and fastest roller coasters in the country then take on 3 big dogs if that would keep me from losing her

i have know this girl from my sophmore year in high school and i am now 20 and she will be 20 next month.

she was my first girlfriend and my first kiss (which also i can also recall every single detail of). i can name every movie we have seen (both in the theater and ones we have seen on DVD/VHS) and everything we have ever done.

we have dated before like i said she was my first girlfriend but she broke up with me. but over the years there has been something there. i go to see her where she goes to college in missouri once or twice a year.

i have been with other girls sence her but none of them made me feel like i do when i hang out with her. the feel i get when i am with is genuine happiness. happier than i have ever been in my entire life.

so what im building up too is that i want to tell her everything but im scared that i will scare her. what should i do?


HELP!




posted on Jan, 7 2006 @ 05:49 PM
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This is the sweetest yet tragic story I have heard. It would make a great book. If I was in your situation, I would tell her but I would think long and hard about the right words so that she does not feel threatened or offended. First tell her how much your friendship with her means to you and then admit that you still have feelings from her.

Be gentle and try not to come across as though you expect something from her.

Good Luck!



posted on Jan, 7 2006 @ 05:52 PM
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Seems like you and this girl have a special bond that your not going to share with anybody else. So since you guys share this, I think the only way to get this done is to be completely honest. Beating around the bush here is not going to be a good sign from her point I think, however being straight forward is going to leave yourself out their to get hurt.

If your straight forward like that and she goes for it, its the best thing you ever did, if not; none of us will ever now the crushing feeling as the hope of this relationship is either gone or prolonged.

Knowing this, I still say go for it because honesty is always the best policy and if she feels the same way this will deffinately work. Don't just throw it out their like, Hey did you watch the, I love you, game last nite? Make a game plan, spend a night so every solid memory you guys have are going to be brought up somehow in the night, any inside joke you guys share, mention it in conversation. Dont look like your trying to hard though.

Then when the time is right, lay yourself out their. Risky, but what is life without risk. And worst case scenario, you will always remember that you took your best shot, and that is alot better then hiding and never knowing if it would of ever worked.

Thats my 2 cents anyways, Good luck and keep me updated!






posted on Jan, 7 2006 @ 07:00 PM
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I have been the girl, my best friend of 8 years told me he fell in love with me 2 years into our friendship, he came to me, open and honest and I respected that. We talked it through, and we are still best friends even though nothing romantic became of it.

I am more than sure she will appreciate that U can go to her, so yes I agree with chissler, be honest and talk to her about how U feel.

U never know if she is feeling the same way but is too scared to approach U. U did say there is still something there so go for it. Be sensitive in your approach, how do U communicate with her when U don't see her ? phone, e-mail, letters, if I may ask ? It's all in the approach



posted on Jan, 7 2006 @ 07:12 PM
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Exactly my point Jaded, I believe your honesty will lead her to respecting your approach regardless of her feelings and the friendship will always last, hopefully more. I think the beating around the bush approach may lead to the feeling of you being sneaky or not very honest. Deffinatley not the impression you want to give when hoping for a relationship.

Be honest and respect her in whatever she says. Give her the chance to explain no matter what she says, and stand by your beliefs. If you can not be open to a friendship if her feelings are not the same as yours, I would consider exploring this before doing anything. Obviosly your swinging for the fences here, but it can not be the only outcome.

This should not be the day when your relationship is restored or ended. It is just another step for you guys, this may come out of nowhere for her so give her the chance to react.

Dr. Phil over and out!



posted on Jan, 7 2006 @ 07:39 PM
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Originally posted by ImJaded

how do U communicate with her when U don't see her ? phone, e-mail, letters, if I may ask ? It's all in the approach




i was planing on telling her when i went to visit her where she goes to school, but we keep intouch over the phone


also, we were bearly apart over semester break!


thanks for your help guys it is very greatly appreciated!



posted on Jan, 8 2006 @ 01:13 AM
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I have been, and in a sense still am, in the same position. There was this girl where I worked - I couldn't stand her. Somehow I overcame that and we became good friends for a while. It's a rather long story that I'm currently working on assembling together into a story, but basically... I fell in love with her, but I'm just a backup friend to her. When her real friends aren't around or she needs help with something, then I'm her friend.

It's probably a good thing I never had the courage to say anything and moved away.

In your case, however, I think you should be honest - and I know it's always easier to tell someone to do something than do it yourself - but if you truly want something to work out, then there's nothing else you can do.



posted on Jan, 8 2006 @ 01:26 AM
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I know how hard it can be to tell someone something like this, but, as stated before, I think you need to be honest with her. I've made the mistake of not telling a person how I felt, and am paying the price. I will regret that decision for the rest of my life. And I'll never know how he felt, for all I know, he could have felt the same way.

Tell her how you feel, just carefully plan your wording. Don't blurt it out all at once, stay calm when you talk to her about it.

I know its scary, scariest thing I've ever encountered was trying to tell someone how I felt...But you have to face your fears. You'll never survive in life if you're not willing to take risks every now and then. Just do it, don't be afraid. If the feeling isn't mutual, don't let that stop you from being friends. No matter if something goes wrong, you will get past it and your life will go on.


Be brave, face your fears.

--Kit.



posted on Jan, 9 2006 @ 11:29 AM
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Fantastic advice from all the posters....its best you tell her how you feel and be honest,than spend the rest of your life wishing you had and wondering what might have been.



posted on Jan, 10 2006 @ 04:36 PM
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dude just ask her out as usual, then tell her how u feel. try to be as poetic as u possibly can, chicks dig that.



posted on Jan, 11 2006 @ 11:02 AM
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You cant just blurt it out like that when this is a friend he has had for along time. This is more than just some random girl that if she said no it wouldnt matter. Preparation needs to go into this.

Any updates Ivan?




posted on Jan, 11 2006 @ 11:12 AM
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Tell her. If it doesn't work out, there's a hell of a lot more fish in the sea.



posted on Jan, 13 2006 @ 01:55 PM
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Want to tell best friend how i feel about her but scared to do so




Like all walls - once you climb it, its no longer a problem. Just tell your friend how you feel - its always the silly sounding things that sound the most romantic! "am i right? or am i just dreaming..." (from a song....)




posted on Jan, 13 2006 @ 02:29 PM
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I'm quite shy. I'm 27 years old. I have spent more time than I care to relate sat on my dumb ass thinking about what might have been. My advice to everybody? Go for what you want. Go for it and keep going for it. Never let anything get in the way of it. You will have a lot of time to sit in regret.

I'm sorry, I'll stop preaching now.



posted on Jan, 19 2006 @ 12:52 PM
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a bit of an update,

havent done it yet but i will do it when i go to visit her, though we have to get something worked out sence i have a class on saturdays



posted on Jan, 19 2006 @ 01:12 PM
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I'm 24, I've spent the past few years going through that wanting to say something phase with one of my best friends from high school.

Last October, I just was talking to him online one morning and asked if he ever would be interested in something more than friendship...
it's been the best relationship I've ever been in.
He didn't answer right away, and he did think of saying no but later told me he didn't know why, just sort of almost said no out of habit to himself, but we had both been thinking about it for a long time and neither of us had the courage to say anything.

good luck, I really hope it works out for both of you. If it is just going to stay a friendship, it won't get in the way as long as nobody makes a huge deal of putting it in the way (which is generally what the person asking does, not the other way around)



posted on Jan, 19 2006 @ 04:10 PM
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I would suggest scotch. Preferably a blue label, but if you can't afford it, black lable will do. Then split it with her. It will come out. I promise. Good luck.



posted on Jan, 20 2006 @ 09:49 AM
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Originally posted by Dissension
I would suggest scotch. Preferably a blue label, but if you can't afford it, black lable will do. Then split it with her. It will come out. I promise. Good luck.


that was my backup plan.
seriously.



posted on Jan, 20 2006 @ 10:44 AM
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Wanna get a drink sometime?



posted on Jan, 20 2006 @ 10:54 AM
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Strike while the iron is hot.

Make haste.

A stitch in time saves nine.

May the Force be with you.

Ok, I think all of those little idioms should cover the situation.

Oh, and here is one I just learned from a buddy at work who's girl left him last week, he was devastated for two days and then he came back to work smiling like he won the Florida lottery, "Don't chase them; replace them!"







 
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