posted on Sep, 12 2003 @ 02:06 AM
Great suggestions so far...and has been said, you have to find whats right for you.
Sure...medication and therapy/support most definitely has its time and place, heck, working in Mental Health has taught me that for sure. But you also
have to find the 'internal key' in order to create change and/or recover.
Everyone has a key...a 'spark' inside them that helps get them through. Its a matter of finding your key...your 'spark'...fanning it into a
flame...which when feed will become a fire and raise you from the darkness...or at least burn bright enough so you don't stumble around so much while
navigating the darkness.
See...not a lot of people on this board know this, but I'm a Clinical Depressive. Which means that my mood level is normally at a level lower than
most 'other' people. Unlike most people, for me to maintain a 'normal' mood level actually requires some input on my part...and I do that in a
number of ways: Carrying around pic of loved ones in my wallet, waking up and thinking of one thing positive about the day...and one thing positive
about myself. While the job can at times be depressing, in a way it also serves to be heartening at the same time...as bad as it may sound, some of
the guys I work with are REAL messed up, are real lost and suffering...so working with them also allows a daily 'reality check'. No matter how
crappy things might be, I go to work and see someone who has it way worse than me...in a way that kinda helps snap ya back outa ya head.
I first became aware of this at 18 years old, well, first time I sought help for it anyway - more correctly help was sought FOR me...and 13 odd years
later its still somewhat of a daily battle. These days I manage without Anti-Depressents or counselling...though that is not strictly true...as
friends are often the best counsellors around...a good mate to talk to, or just hang with can do more than any amount of 'hourly sessions'.
Its hard some days, particularily in this line of work where you see a lot of misery...its hard not to break down and just cry your eyes out...hard
not to just walk away and hide in your hole. I could be happy as larry, experiencing something incredibly joyous...and for no reason my mood will just
go *weeeeeeee* down. The trick is to recognise that, and catch it before the crash...just something you learn over time, just part of life...its
certainly not the end of life, just something you find a way to work around...live around.
And thats the key point...learning to deal with it and KEEP LIVING...even when all you want to do is just hit the big 'END LIFE NOW' button...or
want to crawl into a dark corner, curl up and leave the world for a while.
So ya gotta find your spark Daystar. For me the spark is Duty...is loyalty and commitment...to my job and family/friends. Duty is where I find my
meaning, find pride, find the undying drive to continue when every fibre of my being is either screaming "ENOUGH!" or worse, is not screaming at
all...is embodied 'nothingness'. Thats the spark that eventually becomes the fire again.
Its your spark that gets you through...so what is yours Daystar?? What key part of yourself is relatively unchanging...no matter if everything is
falling to pieces around you...what is it? Find out what it is...and FOCUS on doing that more...
It could be anything...but I totally believe everyone has at least one key 'something'. Maybe instead of focussing on doing lots and lots of things
to build yourself up...try focussing on that one key 'spark', then when you are a little stronger, focus on something else...bit by bit...and most
definitely know its okay to fall back, its okay to have days that are liquid shyte, thats okay and you shouldn't get all down on yourself if it
happens...as long as in the end the process is, overall, in a forward or upward direction...
...don't think yourself weak either...you are FAR from weak...being hardcore depressed can sometimes be like a 'mini-death', every day...if people
knew that, if people FELT it and understood what that feels like...they would know you are not weak, but immensely strong for even continuing to
breathe some days...
Wish you all the very best...much strength Daystar...remember even the darkest night must eventually give way to the dawn.
[Edited on 12-9-2003 by alien]