Greedy Relatives Didn't Get This

This problem has apparently been around a long time. It's basically the "Sackville Baggins" conundrum from the end of The Hobbit, and that was written a good 80+ years ago.

I've seen this happen on three occasions with deaths of elderly family members. It is sad, but also shows how greed and money can tear families apart. People don't like to talk about death planning but it is essential.

The common theme though in all this is lack of proper estate planning. Too many families think the heirs will work it out as they all love each other. The issue is that when death and money come into play, family or not, people's real character comes out. In addition, what may be right is not always legally correct.

The shadiest sh!t I saw was where we had a cousin convince my grandmother to change the heirs of an insurance policy to them while my mother was the one actually paying for the policy!

a reply to: Edumakated

The common theme though in all this is lack of proper estate planning. Too many families think the heirs will work it out as they all love each other.

My mom and dad knew my sister would do this to me. They planned their estate in such a manner that she would never be able to sue and win. They seriously went as far to get Dr. to declare they were both mentally competent, they had clauses in case anyone tried to fight it, they had clauses explaining why they did the will in the way they did. It was ironclad. They also told us all of their wishes many times before their death. They physically gave me what they wanted me to have years before too. It was kinda sad my dad put stuff in my hands and said if he didn’t give it to me then it would disappear.

We have been getting rid of lots of stuff, keeping what we want and tossing out or donating stuff to vinnies. I just gave my brother a fourteen foot aluminum boat with trailer and twenty five hp motor, I gave my grand daughter an eighteen foot trihull boat with full canvas and a hundred hp motor. I gave our Grunman seventeen foot whitewater canoe to my daughter, it is in great shape and along with it go the paddles. I am sixty six and I want to give the kids stuff before I die with the understanding that they have to share it with each other and require the borrower relative to know they need to take care of it when they borrow it....if they don't, they have to deal with me.

The forty seven dodge truck is going to the granddaughter, same thing...can't sell it, she has to give it to keep it in the family and sell it cheap or I will come back after I die and haunt them and sabatage their lives.

What we are keeping is of personal value, some has been in the wives or my family for a long time. The guns will have to be divided, with the ones from my dad going to someone who will keep them and pass them on to their kids or one of my family who is related to my dad somehow...No value because they can't ever be sold and they will know this beforehand.

My tools are old and of professional quality, they will outlast me and possibly my kids but need to be maintained. Not like the cheap junk they sell from China.

The wife and I are going to leave the house and contents to certain people with deed restrictions on it that it has to stay in the family for one generation and the value of each half cannot exceed twenty five grand. It is not an expensive house, it is only worth maybe two hundred and eighty grand and there are two two and a half acre lots it is on, the lot with nothing on it can have a home built on it, the roads are already in so they can work it out. I built this house, it is not for sale, it has no real value and I am going to make sure it stays that way somehow. If we have to set up a trust for thirty years, we will...have to discuss this with the lawyers.

I do NOT want the kids arguing...they can bitch at us all they want after we are gone, but they need to know I hate when people turn into vultures when someone dies.

We will have a list that states who gets what in our safe, if they want to trade, they can...again, nothing is sold, it has been in the family for generations...nothing has any value if it cannot be sold and I will be watching.

a reply to: JAGStorm

originally posted by: JAGStorm
a reply to: DBCowboy

We’ve taken a financial hit, incurred more costs and all the vultures care about are what they can take!

At my FIL funeral my SIL put up a picture board of him with her kids. Remember they had been estranged for so long the "kids" were now ADULTS!!! Nobody fell for it and it was downright awkward!

Somewhat similar with my grandmother's (mother's mother) funeral this year: my mother, who died almost 40 years ago, side of the family (her brother's kids) put up a picture board with various photos of my gma and their children and her grandchildren and great grandchildren. Excluded from those pictures was me, and *I* was the primary caregiver for her during the last several years of her life, day and night taking care of her. They've always been jealous of me, and when she died, interestingly no one wanted anything of hers, not even her paintings, and proceeded to essentially throw away or donate all of her books, clothes, etc. Oh, my uncle at least wanted the silver coins, and the family wanted *some* of her gold/diamond jewelry. Didn't want her China, her silver flatware, silver serving platters, etc.

Hell they even threw away TONS of PHOTOS from their own childhood with their parents, a few whole alums from the 40s/50s/60s of their youth, as well as photos of their own children that she had. Photos of my grandmother's parents and her aunts and uncles. They didn't want any of it, like they wanted to erase the memory.

I saved as much as I could, sometimes even going through the trash and dumpster to see what all they had thrown away.

Funny about the silver coins, which were all in bags by year and type, my uncle essentially divided it by weight with no interest in determining the actual value of any particular coin. And in his haste he missed a bunch that were bagged or labelled like the rest.

I am dreading it when it comes. I am afraid that this is what will happen with my sister and myself. I'm worried that this bout with cancer my be the last battle mom fights although I hope not, and that we'll be left attempting to figure out what to do with dad.

I don't think he'll want to stay out by himself, but before he could move in with us, we'd have to move ourselves to have space. It's not like it's not something we weren't already thinking about. But it would necessitate likely selling off the family farm house unless we moved out to it to live. And we'd need the extra money to help facilitate the move.

I'm sure my sister's husband is eyeballing the place as theirs and their due. I'm pretty sure they wouldn't necessarily want to live with dad sharing the house with them or that dad would want to live with them, but that's assuming he'd want to live with us, too.

My dad married a woman,who has a criminal for a son,and has already stolen over 3k worth of guns,tools,and other things from my dads house. If the coins we are to get go missing,Ill burn the house down so they wont get anything either.

a reply to: JAGStorm

Oh I know what you mean I thought all four of my grand parents were awesome... their rotten children(my parents) eh I don't really care about them.

By awesome I mean taught me important life skill stuff like planting, boating and fishing... the parents nah they'd just get all preachy and demand their way and only their way.

So in other words PATIENCE is all I have learned from them and that's what my grandparents were: Patient.

Do you think their estate should have been left all to you, because you’re not greedy? How’s that silver swag you’re showing off doing?

Im sorry they passed, but everything else is part of that- and family will never behave as you wish them to in any situation. a reply to: JAGStorm

originally posted by: Skepticape
Do you think their estate should have been left all to you, because you’re not greedy? How’s that silver swag you’re showing off doing?

Im sorry they passed, but everything else is part of that- and family will never behave as you wish them to in any situation. a reply to: JAGStorm

Here’s what I honestly think.
I think old people should enjoy their life while alive and spend some of their money on themselves.

THEN

I think people should HONOR their wishes when it comes to what they leave.
That is the problem, people do not honor the wishes. Do you want people to honor your wishes when you die?

“Do you think their estate should have been left all to you”

Actually it was, all of it. If you read my OP the relatives were estranged. Why would you leave something for people that have been out of your life for decades? We could have sued we would have won, but we are not like that. Doesn’t mean we can’t find humor in greedy people missing little treasures.

My parents don't have sh!t, so all I will be left with is bills for their funeral. No other real close relatives, so nothing to fight over or worry about.

My wife will probably get a substantial estate/inheritance. I can see on her side some other family members looking for a taste as they know her parents are loaded.

a reply to: JAGStorm

The death of a family member can bring out the best and the worst in relatives. Unfortunately the worst seems to always be more dominant.

nmd

originally posted by: openminded2011
a reply to: JAGStorm

The death of a family member can bring out the best and the worst in relatives. Unfortunately the worst seems to always be more dominant.

A relative was mad about estate arrangement and blasted my family on FB with lies. Fortunately everyone knew the situation and it made that relative just look like a donkey.

originally posted by: Edumakated
My parents don't have sh!t, so all I will be left with is bills for their funeral. No other real close relatives, so nothing to fight over or worry about.

My wife will probably get a substantial estate/inheritance. I can see on her side some other family members looking for a taste as they know her parents are loaded.

For what it's worth, I'm of the frame of mind that I'm owed nothing from the dead, and if they didn't give me some object or whatnot while they were alive, then I should not expect it after they kick off.

Having seen what folks do, from the stealing to the open rummaging (sister-in-law's family after their mom died) I really don't have any damns to give about the stuff left behind. I don't need it, and don't want it.

When my grandmother died, my mom and uncles didn't work together on anything at all. They don't get along, never have, so they didn't even bother to go through probate court to straighten anything out. I think they seriously all expected someone else (like us, they asked!!) to pay for it, because none of them wanted to part with the court and lawyer fees to do it.

No.

Not my mother, you all can grow up and do this yourselves.

They never did. 5 years of whining and bitching later, everyone finally gave up. FIVE YEARS LATER.

In all that time, no one jockeyed for my grandmother's stuff, the physical didn't seem to be of any interest (probably because it's not worth anything, note my previous post's BS) What everyone was so hot to get to, but not pay for, was whatever was in my grandmother's safe deposit box down in FL, and the contents of her savings account (was about $50k at the time, think FL owns it all plus the SDB now, bwahaha!)

These twits were so greedy, yet so CHEAP, that they couldn't be bothered to go through probate court, and have the estate cover the cost at the end.

I'm seriously dying to know what was in my grandmother's SDB down there. Rumor mill says it has very old heirloom jewelry in it from the Old World, all the way to some very fine jewelry my grandmother was gifted over the years that was not accounted for after she died.

But you know what I think really is/was in the box?

Probably a "You snots aren't getting squat!" eff you note XD I would NOT put it past her, because on one hand, no one would expect it, but on the other, she had a certain Get Even streak to her. That and the amusement from it would be worth SO much more than anything physical or monetary, grandma got her best one yet in WELL after death XD I don't want your stuff, grandma, just surprise me & make me cackle one more time real good, please let whatever was in that box be a big F You to them

a reply to: Nyiah

Your grandmother wasn't Pandora.

But she is now, so actually ...how priceless is that?