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Where do I go from here?

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posted on Jul, 16 2020 @ 05:38 AM
In a nut shell, I feel im out of options on how to meeta nice female to date in hope's of marriage.
About me: I'm a nice guy, a quiet guy, nothing special looks wise, and have many good qualities and am humble. Good qualities, Cliche, I know, but it includes: honesty, kind, caring, compassionate, reasonable, faithful, good work ethic, educated, moralistic, open-minded, friendly, respectful, and a gentleman.

My issue, I think stems from my lack of places to meet and talk to females. Even before this Pandemic, I have lived a really simple life. School, work, home, Work, Home, Work, Store, Home.... and for the most part have really kept to myself.
Although, I have had the confidence to try at times to ask a woman out, or for her number when out in public. Let's just say it's always left me feeling #ty and defeated. Never have I gotten a number to date a girl.

As I'm ending my 20's, I've been thinking alot more about this, with the mindset of losing time. Time in the sense that I've never been a looker, and I am getting older, losing my hair etc.
I am at a loss of what I can do,to meet women, especially in these Pandemic times.

I have thought about going up to two women within the past week, both at gas stations, but the while wearing masks just makes it really awkward as you can even see a smile. Not only that, I've found through my experience in trying to talk to females in public that people just don't want to give you any time of day, and if you even try to small talk, people just dont want to be bothered. Factor in Covid-19, and it gets so much more difficult.

I just dont know what to do. I know I dont have the best self esteem to boot, but like I said, I do put myself out there at times, well, I did more before Covid. I don't get treated well by women. I know I'm not a looker, although I think I'm a catch by the kind of person I know myself to be. Before its mentioned, yes I have tried online dating and Apps, but that's basically a bad option for me and hasn't worked for years. I'm sure I get a "no" swipe as I'm no looker, as I know I've stated before.

So that's what's on my mind. That's where I am at.
I have talked to male friends and appearantly approaching a woman and telling them they are pretty. And asking for their number is too forward. I debated this, but that's what I'm told. So I guess in my attempts in the past I've gone about it wrong. If that's too forward, then what the hell do I say, or do? But i guess that's only something attractive people get results with.

I ask that you only give criticism that is constructive as I already feel pathetic inside. But like I said, I have tried and have put effort to use the options of meeting women at my disposal, (social media, online dating, apps.)

If you are still here, thank you for giving me your time and attention.

+2 more 
posted on Jul, 16 2020 @ 05:52 AM
a reply to: BeyondBlessed

It doesnt matter what you look like - all you need is confidence.
A LONG time ago, before I was married, I was dripping in confidence.
I would talk to a woman, anywhere and get numbers and dates.

You gotta project that confidence when you walk into a room.
Demand control of it (figuratively speaking) and youll get what you want in life.

posted on Jul, 16 2020 @ 06:10 AM
a reply to: BeyondBlessed

Looks are superficial, but if YOU dont care enough about yourself to make

the best you can of yourself.......Why should anyone else?

Looking through a shelf full of books, what draws you to the one you chose?

The cover...... only when you delve into the book do you know whether its

going to be a page turner or not.

Good Luck!

posted on Jul, 16 2020 @ 06:28 AM
a reply to: BeyondBlessed

It’s seems that your work takes up a great deal of your time...though that may be to fill your lonely spells. You don’t mention efforts at volunteering. CE classes? You may not be religiously affiliated, but your stated attributes would cause you to be welcomed into a young singles’ class at any reasonable church. That’s a bit of a cliche—-but we have cliches for a reason:time tested verification. This is a terrible time to embark on what you are wanting to accomplish; no doubt about that. However, there are women in the same ocean as you. SEEK their boat. Not all will welcome you aboard...but if your stated qualities are on display, they will win the day. Put yourself into as many SITUATIONS as possible for contact to today’s world, it’s not going to ‘just happen’. You’ve got to nudge it. Maybe push it, push yourself. All of this may sound quite uncomfortable. I get that. But, “Faint heart never won fair maiden.” Good luck, young man.

posted on Jul, 16 2020 @ 06:28 AM
I met mine on craigs list, before they took down the section for meeting people.

I'm told my sister found her husband there too.

No idea what I'd do now... Good thing I don't ever plan on dating again

posted on Jul, 16 2020 @ 06:32 AM
I'd agree that asking for a number during a "random encounter" in public is too forward; it'd be seen as desperate by the female. On the contrary, if she gives you signals via flirting and enthsiastic conversation, asking for the number is okay because she's interested. You have to interpret their reaction to you without letting your attraction to them affect your judgement.

You must remember, every attractive female has a handful of men that hit on her and try to talk to her regularly. If you did ask for her number, you wouldn't be the first that month in a "random encounter" at a public place. Men are thirsty.

Urban Dictionary defines thirsty as "too eager to get something; desperate." This desperation could be in reference to anything — compliments, validation, attention — but it is most frequently used to specifically mean desperate for sex.Nov 14, 2019

Now, women aren't attracted to thirst, quite the opposite. This is complicated. Being thirsty shows that you aren't attractive, because if you were, you wouldn't be desperate, you'd "know your worth". I don't have time to explain this in detail. It's an inexplicable can of worms.

It depends on what kind of women you are considering approaching. Their physical attractiveness equals how man meny are approaching them. Man of them, if single which is rare, already have guys who have gotten to the stage of texting and telephone. Women who ae single and even those who aren't but unhappily taken typically juggled some choices at any given time. At the same time, even physically unattractive women get hit on more than you'd think because they're considered easy targets due to low confidence.

Have you tried phone apps and websites like plenty of fish, tinder and stuff like that? It's easier to present yourself with a description of personality and pictures with messages to women being normal. They're on there looking for men too and getting messages from multiple men daily. The ball is in their court always and they choose based on different factors.

Money is more powerful than looks or personality, yet looks and personality need to be adequate for money to lead. The male needs to be able to provide a nest for offspring and security, yet he has to be acceptable enough in physical and emotional attraction.

edit on 16-7-2020 by FlyingSquirrel because: (no reason given)

posted on Jul, 16 2020 @ 06:39 AM
You sound like the professional type.

There is a dating website for business professionals and it is here you will find same like minded people like yourself.

a reply to: BeyondBlessed

posted on Jul, 16 2020 @ 06:43 AM
a reply to: BeyondBlessed
Go to the gym and get big and ripped. It will do wonders for your confidence and women will instantly be more attracted to you.

posted on Jul, 16 2020 @ 07:11 AM

originally posted by: Oathkeeper73
a reply to: BeyondBlessed
Go to the gym and get big and ripped. It will do wonders for your confidence and women will instantly be more attracted to you.

Ripped bank account > ripped muscles

Trust me, you can be overweight and/or balding, is not problem.

It's not being used if it makes you feel good.

I don't know, something about being a provider, it tweaks a primal spot in the man's brain. Alpha males aren't the ones with the biggest muscles or the toughest, they're the ones with the most money. The alpha male in the animal kingdom is the leader of the pack, the one who procreates with the female to make the most offspring.

A poor man cannot support a pack, much less one offspring. The wealthy man can support several and give them the best. The female wants the best for her offspring, it's one of the most important things to her and a driving force in her decision making. It runs deep into the subconcious. A woman who says she doesn't even want children right now will be completely influenced by these tendencies.
edit on 16-7-2020 by FlyingSquirrel because: (no reason given)

posted on Jul, 16 2020 @ 07:19 AM
a reply to: BeyondBlessed

Confidence is key, and the best way that I know of is not actively seek out a partner.
The whole “just don’t give a feck” mentality really goes a long ways.

posted on Jul, 16 2020 @ 07:34 AM
Dating app. You will definitely find someone. Just don't set your standards that high. For one, you're older. Damn near impossible to find someone at your age without kids or some other drama.

I'd also get in shape. Like really good shape. Hit the weights, get a trainer. That will help with confidence and no matter what, women will appreciate it. Believe me. I've been asked out by women on that alone. Did absolutely nothing. Didn't hit on them or anything. Also grooming and clothes, good shoes. Don't have to be John Travolta but can't look like a slob.

Lastly, if you get a date, stay calm. Even if you like her keep your options open. Date other girls. Not too many but don't settle. I was seeing a few women off and on. Once I found the right one I cut all that out.

posted on Jul, 16 2020 @ 07:49 AM
a reply to: BeyondBlessed

What are you looking for in a relationship? What draws you to the females you have wanted to date?

I know a young man that has Down' s Syndrome. He is very high functioning, and he is obsessively enamoured with beautiful women and female movie stars.

When a beautiful young girl, also very high functioning with Down's Syndrome, tried to talk to him, he rejected her. When I asked him why he rejected her, you can imagine what he said.

Sometimes we walk over top of the one that will give us the greater joy, to reach the one that is likely to make your life hell, or that will reject you.

Find yourself first and you may find your mate. Be honest with yourself about who you are, and be realistic in your expectstions. You are still fairly young. Don't stress it, don't push it, and don't settle.

I have a lot of friends that are, or have been married. I only have a few friends that have marriages that I admire. The one thing all the stable, long marriages have in common, is that they were best friends before they were married.

edit on 16-7-2020 by NightSkyeB4Dawn because: Add to post.

posted on Jul, 16 2020 @ 08:05 AM
You don't even need confidence.. just get an app and meet some similar minded women.

Then fast forward ten years and regret it.

posted on Jul, 16 2020 @ 08:07 AM
Didn't get married until my early 30's. You'll be fine. Just a little harder when older from my experience. I had to sort through a lot of riff raff. Women in their late 20's to early 30's normally have some baggage.

posted on Jul, 16 2020 @ 08:11 AM
a reply to: BeyondBlessed

I'm an old married woman, and I don't envy anyone trying to find someone these days... I think I'd just pledge myself to eternal hermithood if I had to do it again! So I give you much credit for even trying. I will share what wisdom I can offer, and maybe there's something worth your time and attention. I hope so.

First, approaching women you don't know in public settings can often be unsettling for the woman. Not because of you in particular, or even necessarily how you look, or what you say... but just because women have to keep their guard up against men in general, who aren't always good guys. She doesn't know if you are or not. So don't take that kind of rejection to heart. It's not about you, it's about men. But if an opportunity does arise, strike up a friendly conversation about what she's doing or buying -- don't talk about her looks. Is she buying your favorite wine? Tell her she has good taste and you found that wine went excellent with your tacos... or whatever! You want to introduce a subject that you two can talk about, and if that goes well, then maybe ask if she'd like to have coffee sometime...

Second, I think your own doubts about your looks may be getting in your way. Being well groomed and well put together is much more important than being handsome. Proper hygiene, hair brushed, clothes clean and at least somewhat pressed, etc. -- just basic stuff. But if you'd like a confidence boost, or maybe you're stuck in a rut, consider getting a mini-makeover. I know department and clothing stores often can help in this area. There are probably a ton of videos on YouTube as well. Someone with a basic sense of style can help you choose clothes that complement your form and lifestyle, and even a hair cut that better suits your face, just little things that might give you more confidence and a little boost in your step.

Third, rather than pursue a woman, so to speak, pursue your interests and passions, the things that bring you joy and fulfillment, where you naturally shine... and where you will meet women that share your interests and passions, women that you can share that joy and fulfillment with. Does your city have events and activities that you could attend? Coed sports teams maybe? Anywhere you've been thinking about volunteering and giving some of your time and talents? Look at what you've already got going for you, and expand and branch out from there.

Finally, and this ties in with the above, be good to yourself. Treat yourself. Make yourself happy too. A sense of happiness and contentment and peace within yourself will shine through, and the sense that you want to share this happiness and contentment with someone special will be attractive to many women.

Good luck and brightest blessings!

posted on Jul, 16 2020 @ 08:35 AM
a reply to: BeyondBlessed

I've been married for over 25 years so I'm not exactly experienced with today's dating scene.
That doesn't mean I'm out of touch though as I hear friends and coworkers having the same battle as you.

Truthfully dating apps get the top 20 percent "in looks" of men laid... Women swipe hot guys and get the old pump and dump.
My opinion is that feminism has destroyed the dating scene.

My advise to you is stop trying.
Come to the realization that you will be alone.
Not being a dick here... Women can smell desperation. You have been lucky nobody has friend zoned you for free meals and movies.

Just be content with your life and I promise you that you will meet someone.

posted on Jul, 16 2020 @ 08:38 AM
a reply to: Boadicea

Good God woman!
You said exactly what I meant.....only much happy and it shows to others.

I'm much like you...if I had to date again I think I would choose hermit life..

posted on Jul, 16 2020 @ 08:47 AM
a reply to: BeyondBlessed

Be rich.

If you can’t be rich, be funny.

If you aren’t funny, start a cult.

Worked for me.

posted on Jul, 16 2020 @ 08:50 AM
a reply to: underwerks

Good god I really hope he doesn’t take that last part seriously man.
You were always a troll and I dig it man.

posted on Jul, 16 2020 @ 09:05 AM
Relationships are hit or miss in the best of times, right now I wouldn't talk to anybody who cares about your job or finances period. That's like insisting she is blonde and a certain body type, a good relationship is deeper than that, it's one where you connect on deeper and multiple levels.

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