I feel like I should put this in a conspiracy forum, but I'll just stick it here to hack off a certain sleepy 'buddah'.
Anyway, a couple weeks ago someone at work was telling me how they went to some forest on vacation and found a whole bunch of morel mushrooms (like a
giant ziplock bag full). They were raving about how good they are, and how much fun they have picking them. A couple days later I went looking for
some in the store to try some. HOLY MACKEREL, they're like $50,000 a pound or something!! No wonder this dude was so excited, he won the dang
lottery I guess! So I bought some other crummy boring el-cheapo store mushrooms and told myself to like them.
Then the other night I was out torching some weeds along the fence line and I noticed these mushrooms growing. I don't know anything about
mushrooms. About all I know is there's maybe three kinds; there's the kind that make you go koo-koo in the head and run around naked, the crummy
kind in the store...and the kind that KILL you (as in DEAD)! I think there's a couple varieties in between too (like about 60,000).
So I picked one of these mushrooms and proceeded to attempt identifying it with the idea of, well, eating it. Then I found some more, some big ones
even. So I picked them too. Then I was off to the interwebs to see if I too had won the lottery. What I determined is that I'd either harvested
the deadliest mushroom known to mankind, OR I'd found a rare mushroom which was actually delicious. The only problem was they both looked
identical...except to someone with 3 PhD's (Neuroscience, Biology and some kind of 'mushroom-ology'). That, and a death wish.
I read about spore prints, and gill types, and cap types, and stem types, and colors...and a whole bunch of other mushroom stuff I can't even
pronounce. I think I might have even learned some Latin through some kind of osmosis too.
I elected not to make my famous stuffed mushrooms with said mushrooms, and tossed them not wanting to take the risk.
After that I did some even more detailed research, and when I got done with that I was left with one question...
There are about a billion types of mushrooms, three quarters of them not even mushroom-ologists can identify; of the one quarter 'billion' of them
which have been identified about half of those are poisonous and some of them flat-out DEADLY. The just poisonous ones aren't deadly so long as you
have an extra liver in the fridge you can have transplanted into yourself, maybe a spare set of kidneys. I mean everyone can deal with the lisp later
on, and the blurting out of nonsensical verbs, but the sudden spasms, screaming, seizures and bowel failures in public must get pretty old fast. So
I'm left to wonder; do people who pick wild mushrooms have a death wish?
I dunno, but I'm thinkin' those mushrooms in the yard are up to sumthin'
Are you a wild mushroom picker (or whatever fancy thing they call 'em)?