When I was a kid, I'd think about things like this on a daily basis.
Probably a downside of being the child of an overprotective cop who would traumatize me every night with tales of the things he saw happen to little
girls like me- and as I got older it was the things he saw happen to young women like me.
I'd walk around school with an 80 lb book bag with every textbook and folder in it- my locker empty. I did this because if I had to turn and run from
any bullets, hopefully my book bag would protect my back and spine. I was constantly playing games in my own head at school: If something happened
right this second and I was where I am now, where can I go. Where can I be in the next 10 seconds that's safe? Can I fit through the window? If I
can't and the windows don't open all the way, am I strong enough to kick it off the hinges? etc...... Hell at 27 I still do this on 24/7. When I'm at
work, I make sure I request the cubicle closest to the fire escape. I make sure when I'm driving I leave room between me and the car in front of me in
case something happens and I need to go. Even at red lights I leave enough space for me to whip it somewhere else should someone try to enter my
vehicle or harm me. Anywhere, everywhere, all day and all night. Even in my own home I think these things constantly. If that door opens now and it's
not Adam, how fast can I reach one of the guns or bats? I mentally prepare myself to gouge assaulter s eyes out as a last resort with my thumbs and
Now I have my own child and I have honestly made myself physically ill wondering, will he have the same sense of worst case scenario that I did? Will
he stay aware of his surroundings at all times? Will he have the courage to run, hide and if necessary, fight? I see myself getting a call like these
parents did, and I just see myself ramming the truck through the front doors to get to my baby.
& what if it turned out it WAS my baby? How do the parents like Sue Klebold feel? Well, I know how she feels and I never never never want to feel
that. I never never want to go through what her son put her through.
Honestly, I work myself up too much over these things and I've caused myself a lot of unnecessary pain and anxiety by thinking like this but I believe
it's kept me alive.
It just makes my heart hurt and it makes it break. What makes a child do this? What makes an adult do this to children or other adults (workplace
I've been through some really really rough evil stuff in my life, and I never wanted anything more than to remove myself from the world at those
times. Often i figured the people I hated didn't deserve the early release I wanted. It's hard for me to see past how I would think or do things to
see why others do what they do.
Praying for those kids and the parents.
edit on 12/7/2017 by NerdGoddess because: (no reason given)