I will preface this response by saying that my examples are NOT how I feel, they're an example of what OCD can convince you of, also my upbringing was
a stable one and I was loved as a child, and taught to value what little I had. I wasn't abused and never had a traumatic childhood.
As someone who suffers with extremely intrusive OCD (pure O is the 'label) I can tell you that you're dead wrong.
My 'urges' are not my own, they're the result of my brain chemistry, it's as simple as that. I spend, sometimes, over 3 hours in my head feeling guilt
over an action I didn't even take - because I've been ruminating about outcomes to situations that have already happened.
My 'urges' are the result of a repetitive pattern in my brain that I can't stop and seemingly has no cause. It's just random. I never, as do other OCD
people, act on my urges. I'd be dead, in prison or hated if I did. People with OCD have BETTER impulse control than none OCD people - we live with the
guilt of the consequences of actions without even committing them.
Do you know what it's like to constantly think you're a pedophile when you have ZERO sexual attraction to children?
DO you know what it feels like to feel guilty for muder when you've killed no one, simply because you keep getting an intrusive image of you with a
bloody knife in your hand?
Do you know what it's like to think you're gay when you have never had an attraction to the opposite sex? And still don't?
Do you know how it feels to think that you're being judged by God for every word that runs through your mind, only to try and 'ritually' cleanse
yourself through repeated actions?
No one understands what OCD is until they've spoken to someone who ACTUALLY suffers with it. I've spoken to many Councillors and psychiatrists and
none helped. My OCD has abated for now, but it will probably resurface the next time I'm majorly stressed. The last time was when I moved house.
Btw, it's the responses to the intrusive thoughts that perpetuate the cycle.
When the intrusive thoughts are about being a pedo, you do everything you can to AVOID children - do you know how that feels when your family have
kids who you love? You can't see them because you're racked with guilt for something you DON'T EVEN FEEL.
When the murder intrusive images come you hide knives around the house and avoid violent movies and games.
When HOCD striked you cut off contact with all gay people and act overly masculine, checking your actions and voice tone too see if you're 'turning
gay' all of a sudden.
When the religious OCD strikes you continually watch end times material and convince yourself that the world urgently needs you to repent.
The outside rituals you see (touching lightswitches and washing hands) is stopping the true evil of OCD, the intrusive thoughts. The rituals prevent
them. Often times, the most common is "if I don't do this a loved one will die". I've thought this since I was 7 years old.
DO NOT TELL ME I have poor control over my urges. You have literally no idea.
edit on 11/10/2012 by Joneselius because: (no reason given)