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My new song - Please tell me about the language errors if it has

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posted on Mar, 6 2017 @ 02:22 PM
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Hello ATS

I am a musician maybe some of you know this already. I chose this track and working on this one to release as a single before the album release (I am signed with a good friend's label from Canada).

I really trust my English but it is not my native language. So I really don't know if I did any mistakes while writting the lyrics and pronounciating them. I usually check this with my foreign friends but this time I wanted to share a song and also get some comments about it plus the mistakes.

Cheers ATS. I love you.

P.S. The link is private and the song is only shared here. Well, half of it as the rest is not recorded yet lol. I play the guitars and write the drums as well. Home studio and this is not mixed - mastered.

Song
edit on 6-3-2017 by belkide because: (no reason given)




posted on Mar, 6 2017 @ 02:25 PM
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a reply to: belkide
Would you be willing to post the text, so that people who prefer words to music could examine them at leisure?



posted on Mar, 6 2017 @ 02:26 PM
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a reply to: DISRAELI

Sure.

Here are the lyrics:

Waiting over
And I have no patience left for
Can not answer
To this insane needs to survive

Not gonna shed you down but gonna run
Not gonna take you down but gonna leave
And I can not make it with

You



posted on Mar, 6 2017 @ 02:41 PM
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a reply to: belkide
My thoughts (as a somewhat old-fashioned language user).
"Patience left for"; The word "for" needs to be followed by something. Whichever is easier, I suggest either adding a word like "you", or dropping out "for" and just leaving it as "no patience left".

You need to drop the "s" off the end of "needs". "This" is singular, so it should be followed by "need".
"Respond to this need" is probably better than "answer to this need".

What do you mean by a "need to survive"? I'm getting out of this song the idea that the other person is either very demanding or very troublesome, but it's not clear where survival comes into it.



posted on Mar, 6 2017 @ 02:52 PM
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a reply to: belkide

If I may offer one observation, reduce the (your?) vocal's track volume level slightly, you are overpowering the music, instead of breaking through it.The English used is fine but the vocal track is too loud compared to the rest imho.

Sounds great though, from the short clip it sounded like a rocking song.

edit on 6/3/17 by LightSpeedDriver because: Typo



posted on Mar, 6 2017 @ 03:07 PM
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a reply to: LightSpeedDriver

Sure. I havent mixed the song yet so probably I would notice it as well. Thank you.



posted on Mar, 6 2017 @ 03:09 PM
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a reply to: DISRAELI

NEENDS to survive = THINGS require to be with "her" or the stuff I need to go thru to continue the relationship.

Yes the song is about a troublesome girl that the person needs to stay away.

oh and the "patience left for" is to the stuff that I just mentioned.

Thanks for the detailed view man



posted on Mar, 6 2017 @ 03:11 PM
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Hate to say it sounds a very ISO sort of song....could be the interlude or break music for a lot of programs, when listening I was taken back to the friends era personally.



posted on Mar, 6 2017 @ 03:25 PM
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a reply to: belkide

My bad, I just noticed you said in the OP that it still needs to be mixed.
I'm a little slow sometimes but music always presses my button, I wish you much success.



posted on Mar, 6 2017 @ 03:27 PM
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a reply to: belkide
So I suggest adding "this", if you can.
"No patience left for this"
"can't find what I need to survive this insanity"


edit on 6-3-2017 by DISRAELI because: (no reason given)



posted on Mar, 6 2017 @ 04:51 PM
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Sometimes the best songs have lyrics that make no sense in any language. Example:




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