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Internet Relationships: A Few Seconds Can Last Forever

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posted on Mar, 4 2017 @ 03:18 PM
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Bernieri is an expert in what's known as "thin-slicing methodology". His research is based on the theory that we make a reasonably accurate assessment of a person from observing just a few seconds, or a "thin slice", of their behaviour. From the evidence gleaned in not much more than a few glances, we decide whether we like another person, whether they're trying to flirt with us, whether they're friend or foe. If you've ever changed seats on a train or crossed the road to avoid someone, because there was something "not quite right about them", you've used your ability to thin-slice. In that instance, you were probably aware of a gut instinct - you may have felt as if your sense of perception was heightened because there was the possibility of danger - but we thin-slice people in all kinds of situations, not just when we feel threatened. Speed dating is another example of thin-slicing in action.

SOURCE


I've come to the conclusion that when it comes to Internet romantic relationships, we can spend an indefinite amount of time trying to make up for those few seconds.

What I mean by that is all of the information that is available when two people meet face-to-face has to be pieced together over a long period of time online.

The biggest problem is that there is no substitute for those first few seconds. If your Internet romance is successful enough to get to a face-to-face meeting, the first few seconds of the meeting will essentially make or break the relationship regardless of what came before it.

Getting to the initial meeting comes at a huge price in terms of time, energy, and sometimes money.

I have decided there is no substitute for having a face-to-face meeting first in a romantic relationship. I will not even think about doing it any other way again.
edit on 4-3-2017 by Profusion because: (no reason given)




posted on Mar, 4 2017 @ 03:25 PM
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a reply to: Profusion
There is so much we pick up on that we are not aware of when we maneuver our environment. Because we have adjusted so well to our environment, we reject certain smells, sights, and sounds, because we have learned that they are safe.

When placed in an unfamiliar environment, we become more aware and in tune with our senses.

Since our world is changing we will have to adapt, maybe we will develop some new senses, and we may lose a few.



posted on Mar, 4 2017 @ 03:27 PM
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This is especially true when your 5 foot three 115 pound blonde beauty of 25 turns out to be a 200 pound 40 year old porker in real life. Doesn't take long at all to "thin slice" that one.



posted on Mar, 4 2017 @ 03:31 PM
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a reply to: Profusion

I can't agree with this.

I see a person falling in love with what he/she thinks is perfection on the other end of the screen, giving that person the sense that everything they want and dreamed is right there in love, waiting for them. In truth, all of those feelings, emotions, joys and anticipation takes place... until...

They meet.

Then all of that goes away.

Those people live in a fantasy land if only for a moment but when they finally see face to face, or even see pictures of one another, those dreams are dashed and the judging kicks in and all flaws comes to the surface as reality sets in.

We're simply superficial, horrible, judgmental human beings.

But oh man... we're so romantic and perfect behind a screen when it comes to desires of perfection and what we want to perceive in our minds and imagination. ...so long as we never see the other person or know too much outside of the "love" realm. Just don't mention you have 4 children, your weight, marital status, race, politics, religion... you know... all those things we readily judge of others.


That's how I see online relationships.
edit on 4-3-2017 by StallionDuck because: (no reason given)



posted on Mar, 4 2017 @ 03:36 PM
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a reply to: Profusion

Totally agree. After all it comes down to chemistry. You match, or you don't.



posted on Mar, 4 2017 @ 03:36 PM
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originally posted by: NightSkyeB4Dawn
When placed in an unfamiliar environment, we become more aware and in tune with our senses.


Cyberspace is not an environment we're placed in. Cybersace is just computer code on a screen.


originally posted by: NightSkyeB4Dawn
Since our world is changing we will have to adapt, maybe we will develop some new senses, and we may lose a few.


Cyberspace is not changing our world. If we believe that cyberspace is changing our world, the Internet has mesmerized us in a frightening way.
edit on 4-3-2017 by Profusion because: (no reason given)



posted on Mar, 4 2017 @ 03:53 PM
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Not on the romantic side but I was playing Far Cry multiplayer back in 2004 and met a vey good friend im still friends with him today through facebook, we have still never met in real life.



posted on Mar, 4 2017 @ 04:13 PM
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a reply to: Profusion
I was not talking about cyberspace. I was talking about our real world, in reference to the "thin-slicing methodology".

As far as the virtual world, I guess it could work both ways. If we ever get to the point where all social contact, like in Issac's Asimov's "The Trilogy", is through computer interaction, I am sure both parties will be able to swap out their Avatars at will.



posted on Mar, 4 2017 @ 04:25 PM
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originally posted by: NightSkyeB4Dawn
a reply to: Profusion
I was not talking about cyberspace. I was talking about our real world, in reference to the "thin-slicing methodology".


Are you referring to how things like plastic surgery throw a wrinkle into it?



posted on Mar, 4 2017 @ 06:05 PM
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I'm old and married, so hopefully won't be in the dating scene again (knock on wood). But I'm still gonna weigh in. I know a few couples who met online. They did end up getting married, but some of them didn't last. That has more to do with statistics rather than meeting online. There will always be land mines that one might find after putting time and effort into a relationship. Getting to know someone online (and making sure to Skype, Schuyler!) and then meeting in person later, is no different (IMHO) than meeting someone in a bar and finding out 6 months later that they're married. And no, that didn't happen to me, haha!



posted on Mar, 4 2017 @ 06:58 PM
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originally posted by: Lolliek (and making sure to Skype, Schuyler!)


Please don't Skype me.



posted on Mar, 4 2017 @ 07:10 PM
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originally posted by: Lolliek
Getting to know someone online (and making sure to Skype, Schuyler!) and then meeting in person later, is no different (IMHO) than meeting someone in a bar and finding out 6 months later that they're married. And no, that didn't happen to me, haha!


Video chatting only gets you part of the way there. It may get you half the way there, but what I wrote in the original post still is valid. Here are some examples of how that could work.

1. If I video chatted with a woman who never mentioned her religion, then showed up to meet me wearing a hijab, I'm walking away immediately. I'm sure you realize that many Muslim women only wear a hijab outdoors. It wouldn't be because I'm anti-Muslim per se. I just couldn't take someone seriously who follows any religion that closely.

2. Another example of how it's different involves height. You may not realize that a person is very short just by doing a video chat. The fact is that a lot of people will walk away from someone who is too short right on sight.

3. Smells and pheromones will not come through on video.

4. People can hide things on video. That can include anything from an unattractive body to a person's actual sex. With more and more transgenders out there, video is increasingly less reliable.

5. Age doesn't always show on video. A person could appear much younger than they really are. A face-to-face meeting would reveal the truth and possibly ruin everything.

Although video helps, I'm sticking by what I wrote in the original post.


originally posted by: schuyler

originally posted by: Lolliek (and making sure to Skype, Schuyler!)


Please don't Skype me.



www.youtube.com...
edit on 4-3-2017 by Profusion because: (no reason given)



posted on Mar, 4 2017 @ 09:19 PM
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a reply to: Profusion

LOL! Okay! I just think that love will hit you when and where you least expect it. Someone you meet at work, at a party, in a chat room. And when it does, you will have to decide what you can live with, and what you can't. People all have baggage that you may not find out right away. No one is perfect, no one. Not even you. Not me, not Schuyler (and don't worry, I won't Skype you!). And sometimes the very thing that attracts you to that person at first is what will drive you bonkers after a while.

But don't mind me. Obviously your mind is already made up. Xoxo





posted on Mar, 4 2017 @ 09:33 PM
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originally posted by: Lolliek
But don't mind me. Obviously your mind is already made up. Xoxo




Of course my mind is mind up because video is becoming increasingly unreliable. Anyone who believes video is the answer to reliability these days is not facing the facts. Even if you believe video is 100% reliable, that still doesn't solve any of the problems I just mentioned.


www.youtube.com...


www.youtube.com...
edit on 4-3-2017 by Profusion because: (no reason given)



posted on Mar, 23 2017 @ 03:46 AM
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i don't believe in dating sites, esp AnastasiaDate it's a scam



posted on Mar, 25 2017 @ 10:31 PM
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Sounds like a deli person wrote a thesis...

So Ima there a thin slicing this meat and a everybody comes into the deli because of a their gut and badaboom either I like them or I dont... Next!



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