Softball with AugustusMasonicus

In a continuing trend for your fearless interviewer we have another foreigner member willing to participate in our monthly session although this one hails from a more civilized country than the previous guest as indoor plumbing recently made landfall where he resides. This member, lucky for him, is from Lackeyland, I mean England, and will most likely not get a JDAM dropped on his quaint little cottage due to his country’s constant cowtowing to our wanton global ambitions.

He should be well known to all of you for the brevity of his posts, his flowing locks and perpetually inebriated avatar. The Prince of Paucity, the Raja of Reticence, the Sahabi of Silence, True Brit. Thanks for visiting with us today, let’s jump right in.

AM: In real life do you also talk in paragraphs?

TB: Ha! I do, but only when there is a great deal to say!

AM: Has a woman ever fallen asleep and/or killed herself while you chatted her up at the pub?

TB: Uh, no. No one has ever expired or fallen asleep, whilst in conversation with me at the pub. That being said, I rarely aim to chat someone up. I prefer to just converse, absent any aim in particular.

AM: What's your best pick up line?

TB: Haha! Well, honestly I have not got one!

I tend to have a less obvious approach. I like to have a regular conversation, but let my conversation partner know that I am TOTALLY engrossed by them. Eye contact at maximum, maintain interest and attention, and as for words...I have enough that pre-prepared statements are less useful than a quick wit, and on the fly responses.

AM: Why do Romans in movies speak with an English accent?

TB: Well, without putting too fine of a point on it, its because British accents convey historical gravitas to a line, in a way which few others have the capacity to match!

AM: Does your hair often get you mistaken for a woman from behind?

TB: Hahahaha! No...not often. It did happen once, when I was kissing an old girlfriend. Some fellow, upon falling out of a bar nearby, spotted us embracing and declared "BLOODY 'ELL! IS THAT TWO BIRDS?", birds, for some reason, being a term used to describe women, amongst some strata of society.

I turned around and showed him my beard, to his great amusement!

AM: Interviewer's Note: I didn't have the heart to tell him what showing someone your beard meant.

You call your country ‘Great’ Britain, what other of President Trump’s mantras will your people pirate next?

TB: Heh...All I can say about that is, that I very much hope we do not attempt to appropriate his hairstyle, or indeed Trump's skin care regime!

AM: Would Great Britain be even greater without the Welsh or Scottish?

TB: No. It would not. Britain is great BECAUSE it is not merely England.

AM: What do you think about when you hear Americans getting crazy for the Royal Family?

TB: I am generally appreciative of it, and understand it to a degree. America is young, and as a nation shares a great deal of ancestry with Britain. That means shared history, and the Royal Family are a living example of history, and I think that respect, interest and so on, relate to that shared history.

AM: Are you raising your son to be a proper head banger?

TB: I am raising him in accordance with the principles I live by, but also allowing him the freedom to discover music for himself. Hes coming along nicely in that respect.

AM: You’re a locksmith by trade so tell us, what exactly does the key to someone’s heart look like?

TB: That depends on the person in question. For some, the key to their heart can be found in poetry or drama, and the arts. For others, food, drink, consumption and sensation are the key which best opens their minds and hearts. For others still, the tool which lays them open most effectively is about six inches long, double edged and sharp enough to cut the ego off banker.


 

AM: When Brits say they’re ‘taking the piss’ where exactly are they taking it to any why the fixation with urine?

TB: Thats a good question, although I suspect that our ability to drink copiously, may necessitate that we do more thinking while aboit the business of urinating, than do some other cultures.

AM: When are you coming to collect Posh and Becks?

TB: Erm...We're not. You can deport them if you like though!

AM: Guess that means we have to keep that turd ball Piers Morgan too. If the UK did its own version of The Office would it still be funny?

TB: ...I think it is a pretty good bet, that it would be hilarious. It might even be better than the "original".

AM: Alright, let's toss you the obligatory softballs...Benny Hill or Monty Python?

TB: Monty Python, every single time. I love the abstract nature of the humour and the total anarchy of their work.

AM: Best British TV show where you didn’t steal the concept from America?

TB: ... HAHAHAHAHAHHAAAA!

*raises eyebrow*

Interesting....what about...Doctor Who. There, that's a genuine British product!

AM: Favorite film?

TB: The Matrix.

AM: TrueBrit's last supper?

TB: I could never pick just one. Meat. All my favourites contain meat.

AM: The greatest metal band of all time?

TB: Another tough one...I will have to go with Emperor.

AM: If you were literate your favorite book would be?

TB: Anything by Arthur C Clarke or Greg Bear

AM: Who’s more snog-worthy, Kate or Pipa?

TB: Hmmm.... Well, I would say the Prince has a famed fine taste in ladies, and leave it at that.

AM: Woman on ATS that you would most like to lay your cape down over a puddle of mud for?

TB: Well...that is a hard question. It would be much easier to figure out who I would NOT lay a coat down for, but there again, mentioning names would be somewhat rude. I shall keep my own counsel, I think lol!



TrueBrit, is a thirty two year old, who should have been born four to five hundred years earlier, at least. He is a locksmith, a metal head, a poet, a father, a gentleman and a nerd. He has been member here since 2007, during which time he has been mostly engaged in diverting debate, constructive discussion, and the occasional foray into absolute madness.

TrueBrit is also secretly the next King of England and will revert the country back to the feudal system so he can ram a lance through someone's eye whilst cranking Megadeath to 11.

If any of you are still awake I want to thank you for joining us again. We enjoyed the insight and wisdom from a person who has more culture than a yogurt factory and found that chivalry is certainly not quite dead yet, but a carefully placed blow to the head should remedy this situation. If you ever find yourself in England where it appears a hirsute, drunken man is attempting to break into a home, fear not, it is only our beloved TrueBrit drunkenly breaking into a home.

TrueBrit, thanks for taking time out of your day to suffer the ignominies of this vile process. Your parting gifts today are a thesaurus and the phone number for Olga, she's a Eastern European 'masseuse'. Remember to tip.

Thank you all, until the next time.

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

Thank you Augustus. I feel honoured to have taken part!

Nice one!
Well done Gus 'n' True.... was that not a band?

a reply to: TrueBrit

Thank you both! I so enjoy these. Excellent job as always.

a reply to: TrueBrit

TB: That depends on the person in question. For some, the key to their heart can be found in poetry or drama, and the arts. For others, food, drink, consumption and sensation are the key which best opens their minds and hearts. For others still, the tool which lays them open most effectively is about six inches long, double edged and sharp enough to cut the ego off banker.

Well...that is a hard question. It would be much easier to figure out who I would NOT lay a coat down for, but there again, mentioning names would be somewhat rude. I shall keep my own counsel, I think lol!

Good answer, you could have incited a riot.

originally posted by: Kali74

Good answer, you could have incited a riot.

Exactly what I was hoping for but he foiled my Machiavellian plans.

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

Another good one!

You should have asked why our good friends across the pond love to stick the letter "U" randomly in words.

originally posted by: FauxMulder
You should have asked why our good friends across the pond love to stick the letter "U" randomly in words.

I think the bizarro Canadian we had last month addressed their inability to spell.

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

You can borrow the whip to cheer you up.

But...

You can only use it on DB.

a reply to: Kali74

Deal. beating DB about the head and neck can do wonders for your state of mind.

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

Sounds like a habit I need to develop.

originally posted by: Kali74
Sounds like a habit I need to develop.

I shall instruct you in the ways of the riding crop my Padawan.

ETA: This thread just took a hard turn towards Fifty Shades of Crap.

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

Padawan?!

Boy, did you see my whip?

originally posted by: Kali74
Padawan?!

Boy, did you see my whip?

Metal it is, hurts it must. Heehee.

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

Evil Yoda. LOL

I totally missed the Jacy gig

Was I abducted?

I think I have about 25 years missing time, does that mean something?

Anyways.... well done Gus and Jacy for the previous one..... Now I feel bad.

G

True and Gus, LOVED this! Mason, I bet you met True in a bar somewhere to do this interview or he never would have agreed to it. LOL

We love you True! Ok, you too Mason.

Gordi, I got to be a victim in here too. You might be next.

Bravo Gentlemen!

a reply to: Night Star

Thank you, another good time.


I do picture all of you interviewees huddled in a therapy session, shaking while recounting your tails of woe and misery. It makes me smile.