How important is it to have a 'woken up' significant other?

A 'woken up' significant other means different things to different people.

For a religious person, 'woken up' would mean someone of the same religion.

For an atheistic conspiracy theorist, 'woken up' would probably mean someone who knows the world is corrupt beyond repair.

For a New Ager, 'woken up' could mean anything they want it to mean.

My mother married a non-Christian when she considered herself to be a devout Christian. It caused a lot of problems in the marriage, and it eventually led to the end of the marriage.

My ex-wife wasn't 'woken up' by my standards when we were married. It may have made a difference in our marriage; it's impossible to say.

I'm on the fence on this issue.

a reply to: Profusion

being woken up is like moths to a lamp, guiding souls to the purity of salvation of Christ on the cross..as i am of the belief that love in its purest form conquers all without threats and or harm to a bug, plant, animal or human...breatharians....the true path of enlightenment...although... in Jainas religion...similar to hasidic hebrew...humans depend on planetary nurishment, from differing sources and as the good book states, do not be rude to food offered..will find reference...great OP...Profusion...much to contemplate...thank youlo
i was awoken with a very scary threat of love for my God, lord and savoir, Christ almighty..y o easy to lose ones true faith when in company of differing traditions...
as the good book states, be as children not meaning childish...children are supposed to be pure in thought and deed and not tempted by faults of parenting..IMHO...me i was a bit free as a child from the eighties and felt so free from anything other than
true love for my brothers and neighbors....non sexual nature

a reply to: Profusion

In my humble opinion, when it comes to selecting a significant other, there would be no reason to enter a relationship with a woman whom did not match that criteria from my perspective.

I would use the example of food as a measure in what I mean.

If I was dating a woman and found out she enjoyed eating processed food and drank tap water and saw no reason for this to be an issue, I would have to end it.

Her decisions are her decisions, as is my choice of who I invite to be my significant other.

A synonym for "woken up" is "having drunk the Kool Aid."

But I understand. When my wife and I married, there was no hint at all that she was the least bit religious. She had grown up Anglican and her parents were devout, but she made her share of derrogotary comments against organized religion and I thought we were on the same page religion-wise. I had always been a near-atheist and as far as kids were concerned, I was completely against sending them to church and all that propaganda.

Then we had a kid.
Then her father died.
And everything changed.

So when the kid was two or three she decided to dress up the kid and go to a local church. I wouldn't go and I wouldn't help get the kid ready for "church." As you might expect, it led to issues and she finally told me she wished she had known of my aversion to church because she might not have married me.

Of course, she HAD known. I hadn't changed my position; she had. Eventually this and other issues led to the end of our marriage. I felt I was betrayed because I had made no secret of my views on organized religion. In hindsight, though, I probably did not need to be so extremist. All the kid wanted was the cookies at the social hour, and the whole issue may have petered out on its own. I'm not blaming her for what happened, but it did screw up several people's lives rather dramatically and this "change of heart" was what started it.

So yeah, it's a big problem, especially if people change from what "The Deal" was originally. Doesn't matter what "cause" you're talking about here: religion, politics, whatever. It can really mess you up.

State of wakefulness can, and often does, change over time. One may hold religious beliefs and distance from them, or the opposite. Personally, I think it is naive to think someone will remain that same. I know I thought that at one point, and my other half is much different than who I fell in love with. But I love who he is now, more than who he was then. I know I have changed as well. Hopefully for the better.

originally posted by: peppycat
a reply to: Profusion
as the good book states, be as children not meaning childish...children are supposed to be pure in thought and deed and not tempted by faults of parenting..IMHO

Matthew 10:16 I am sending you out like sheep among wolves. Therefore be as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves.

Matthew 18:3 And he said: "Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.

I agree with those concepts. You must be innocent yet wise enough to enter heaven. It's quite a balancing act as far as I can tell.

As you say, it is relative to the state of awareness and one's beliefs, whatever they may be.

I do think though that having shared values and mindsets is pretty critical for long-term compatibility. For those that are highly educated for example, it can be difficult if their partner is not at all. If one person wants to devote their life to religion and the other is not into it, that may be incompatible. Beyond this I am on the fence.

I do find I have the deepest connections with people that are on my same level and who are "woke."

originally posted by: schuyler
A synonym for "woken up" is "having drunk the Kool Aid."

But I understand. When my wife and I married, there was no hint at all that she was the least bit religious. She had grown up Anglican and her parents were devout, but she made her share of derrogotary comments against organized religion and I thought we were on the same page religion-wise. I had always been a near-atheist and as far as kids were concerned, I was completely against sending them to church and all that propaganda.

Then we had a kid.
Then her father died.
And everything changed.

So when the kid was two or three she decided to dress up the kid and go to a local church. I wouldn't go and I wouldn't help get the kid ready for "church." As you might expect, it led to issues and she finally told me she wished she had known of my aversion to church because she might not have married me.

Of course, she HAD known. I hadn't changed my position; she had. Eventually this and other issues led to the end of our marriage. I felt I was betrayed because I had made no secret of my views on organized religion. In hindsight, though, I probably did not need to be so extremist. All the kid wanted was the cookies at the social hour, and the whole issue may have petered out on its own. I'm not blaming her for what happened, but it did screw up several people's lives rather dramatically and this "change of heart" was what started it.

So yeah, it's a big problem, especially if people change from what "The Deal" was originally. Doesn't matter what "cause" you're talking about here: religion, politics, whatever. It can really mess you up.

I get this. I am kinda spiritual, more philosophic than anything. But I don't like fundamentalist religion, having grown up in.

My kid's mom and I basically broke up over the same reasons you are describing, and although we have tried to work it out many times she has become increasingly religious and doesn't believe she can be with someone who isn't 'born again.'

Sometimes my friend it isn't your fault. If the other person is so extreme that they expect you to conform or like in my case that either I must convert or it's over, then it's really on them. Even when there are kids involved.

a reply to: Profusion

Okay, so, can all of that together be taken as meaning that someone that is "woken-up" agrees with you?

a reply to: Profusion

I think many 'woken' up individuals have a tendency to be paranoid personality types. While I don't know if having an awakened spouse in important I do think having an understanding spouse who can keep the 'awakened' individual centered is important.

It is very important, but people change.... Its all in how they handle the changes. If you have different religious beliefs its probably a lost cause.... but communication is key. say what you mean and mean what you say, that way if it doesn't work out you know it's for the best

originally posted by: Profusion

For an atheistic conspiracy theorist, 'woken up' would probably mean someone who knows the world is corrupt beyond repair.

Why would you associate conspiracies with atheism? A corrupted world, beyond the ability of humanity to fix, is a core tenet of most religions.

Or do you actually believe we can fix this ourselves, through our own intellect? It seems the "smarter" we get and the harder we try, the worse things get and the more people are killed.

But to the point: Yes, it's extremely important that the person I'm with be "woken up". Who wants to be with a zombie, completely brainwashed by the state and pop culture?

What a nightmare.

Well, it's still early on in my marriage but thought I'd share my opinion.. when I married my husband, I was agnostic and had no intention of being anything other, but due to unforseen circumstances I've had a change of heart.

My spouse is not Christian but (after a short initial period of discomfort or perhaps fear that we'd not have anything in common anymore) has been really supportive and encourages my spiritual journey. In return, I respect his own views and believe he is travelling a righteous path as well, just in a different way. I enjoy talking to him about God but also any number of other subjects.

I think we have a deeper love and trust, confident that no major lifestyle changes can break our family apart. That's our top priority-- to raise our kids in a loving house-- and I think all else can be ironed out as we go.

a reply to: Profusion

It's very important that you're on the same page or at least within a page or two.

Cheers - Dave

Are you saying you have awakened but she hasnt?

If so then a divergence of beliefs after time is more often than not detrimental to a relationship.

Plus.. Given there isnt any true "base" reality, two people unable to reconcile diferent realities through love are doomed.

Love is the base.. Acknowledge that together and who gives a # if yer awoken

B

originally posted by: Profusion
A 'woken up' significant other means different things to different people.

For me, as long as my consent was established ahead of time, I don't need to be woken up.

Apologies for making light- I took the OP too literally.
My response was going to be:
"Depends on whether you're sleeping in the same bed at the time -
if so it should be no big deal (you can always use the opportunity to well, you know) -
if not, well, that depends on the circumstances!"

ganjoa

originally posted by: Metallicus
a reply to: Profusion

I think many 'woken' up individuals have a tendency to be paranoid personality types. While I don't know if having an awakened spouse in important I do think having an understanding spouse who can keep the 'awakened' individual centered is important.

You're not paranoid if they're really out to get you.

And I just realized I'm an 'atheistic conspiracy type'. Oh dear. Or high praise indeed, I'm not sure.

To answer OP's question, it depends. Are they curious about the world and like to talk things out? Or is every 'discussion' a high drama affair? Some people like that but to me that would be exhausting. Someone who isn't curious gets boring real quick.

The best advice I ever read was, 'never marry anyone you wouldn't like if you were blind'. And 'go on a two week long car trip with them before you decide to get engaged.'

a reply to: Profusion

I feel lucky to have found a woman who is as equally open minded as I am towards life in general and is also a curious soul like me.

That being said it was very important for me to find someone like her, and it didn't happen overnight as I'm sure others could attest to.

Balance is also what I think makes a couple stronger. for instance I'm very much the strong & silent type and although I'm in the background most of the time I'm in control of things if I needed to be. My wife is not very social either but more so than I am, and she is a very loving person & very approachable, at least more so than me.

Where there is darkness, there is also light.

Who is to say they are not? Perhaps they are just there to keep you on your toes...