Hello, self, who are you?

I've had some incredible experiences on the Internet. The following is a good example:

12-Hour Soul Makeover via an Internet Chat

But, I think I just topped that one. On another forum I post at, I've had a crush on a certain poster for over two years. She used to act like she hated me, the last thing I ever thought could happen would be to get a private conversation with her. Well, since she had flirted with me on the forum recently, I thought there may have been a chance I could get one. So, I sent a private message to her. We chatted a little, and based on what she posted on the forum, she was ready to accept a proposal I made to her to be pen pals.

She had one problem with me. Ever since I started posting on that forum I made it clear that I was posting as a persona. She despises that. There are several posters on that forum who do that. I got into trouble when I happened to mention the fact that I post as a persona to another poster who does the same thing. The problem is, she loathes that poster. For the record, I loathe him too. Immediately after I had made that post, she flipped out. She posted the angriest message I've ever seen her post. I had never seen her post an angry message before. Then, she immediately sent me a private message where she scolded me for being fake, and she told me to never send her a private message again.

I was in disbelief. I started a new account and I promised that I would only post as my true self. Thankfully, she admitted that there was still a glimmer of hope that she would still chat with me privately again. She gave me a bunch of advice about what to do. There's definitely a chance to restore things. Over the years I've known her, she's shut me out worse than that before.

Anyway, I started posting as myself, and I was surprised. I was thinking, "Who is this warm, kind, friendly person?" The thing is, that's how I am in real life. But, I always post as a persona online and probably have for over 10 years. As I reread the posts I made today on that forum, I thought, "Who is this person?" This is the first chance I've had to see my true self objectively, probably ever. The reason for that is simple, I can compare the difference between what I used to post on that forum and what I post now. It's night and day. It's a completely different person.

"Hello, self, who are you?"

I'm going to find out...

a reply to: Profusion

Log off forums and be yourself away from forum weirdos.

originally posted by: and14263
a reply to: Profusion

Log off forums and be yourself away from forum weirdos.

The emotions are the same regardless of how the situation is spun. A two-year crush is a two-year crush regardless of whether I saw that woman in real life. It's funny that you use the term "forum weirdo" as if these people only exist online.

As to your advice, I completely agree. But, again, something that goes back two years will not be forgotten easily, maybe ever. It's on-going because I still like her.

You can't just switch off emotions because things are 'just' happening online. I don't think it's healthy to do that anyway. I'm stuck with the emotions whether I like them or not.

Even if I follow your advice completely going forward (I think it's good advice), I still have to deal with the carry-over from the past.

originally posted by: Profusion
The problem is, she loathes that poster. For the record, I loathe him too. Immediately after I had made that post, she flipped out. She posted the angriest message I've ever seen her post. I had never seen her post an angry message before.

She actually posted a couple of angry messages directed at myself first, and then that poster that she despises and myself together. She got the impression that he and I are friends. She said he and I should be pen pals. I despise that guy. It was guilt by association because I happened to post the wrong thing to him. I'm pointing this out because it's a perfect example of how communication on a forum can be misunderstood.

Another fascinating aspect of this is that I changed my username and my personality for a woman I've never met, and no one on the forum mentioned it (outside of the woman I did it for). It's astounding because these people will tease you to death about anything. I don't know what to make of that. My suspicion about that is all the regulars on that forum know exactly who the woman I have crush on is, and they think my reaction is totally understandable given that. That would confirm what I thought, she is red hot in real life. Knowing these people, that's the only explanation that could fit IMHO.

a reply to: Profusion
I like the honesty in your OP. Perhaps there is too, an element of the 'muse' in such a relationship. I have only ever been myself, although if I go back a few years and look up my posts, they read as if some other me had written them. I don't even agree with myself!
A glimmer of hope sounds a bit desperate. Maybe she will like the new you.

S+F

Regards midicon.

originally posted by: midicon
a reply to: Profusion
Perhaps there is too, an element of the 'muse' in such a relationship.

That seems to be essentially the whole point. Excellent insight.

originally posted by: midicon
a reply to: Profusion
A glimmer of hope sounds a bit desperate. Maybe she will like the new you.

She treated me better today than she ever has. She also opened up more and seemed more relaxed than ever.

This whole thing is blowing my mind. The people on that forum who used to be mean to me aren't being mean anymore. In fact, no one's being mean to me anymore. It's like that woman has put a shield around me (because everyone there respects her).

There are at least three other women on the forum (besides the one who I mentioned in the original post) who have shown interest in what my real personality is going to be like (since I changed to the new username). I can think of several others who tried to convince me to stop being a persona and post as myself before. The reason I'm mentioning that is because all of those women are still there, and they've all flirted with me in the past. This could end up going a lot of different ways.

a reply to: Profusion

Emotions are not the same online, especially online chats.

Whether it's consciously or subconsciously the brain makes the other person seem better than they are. Like a sort of fantasy switch is flicked when you can't see the other person. It's early, I can't think, I'll find the papers relating.

originally posted by: and14263
a reply to: Profusion

Emotions are not the same online, especially online chats.

I stopped reading right there. You can only speak for yourself. You have no way of knowing whether that's true for anyone but yourself.

If you're going to start by stating an assumption, and build your case from there (by adding more assumptions), you're just wasting everyone's time.

Adding assumptions does not get one closer to reality

a reply to: Profusion

This whole thing is blowing my mind. The people on that forum who used to be mean to me aren't being mean anymore. In fact, no one's being mean to me anymore. It's like that woman has put a shield around me (because everyone there respects her).

There was a time, some years ago, when I started practising the Meta Bhavana. Everyone around me seemed to change and become somehow nicer. Of course they were merely reacting to the change in me. Hey, it's a sort of nice feedback loop.
I wouldn't care so much what that woman says, be yourself and have integrity. If someone is mean, just smile and point out the flaw...

Hey, it sounds like fun...

a reply to: Profusion

Touched a nerve? If you stopped reading when you did you missed the important part. You're obviously concerned with making threads rather than learning.

Thread on.

a reply to: midicon

I agree with the feedback loop idea. It's called the law of sowing and reaping and the law of attraction.

That forum is fun sometimes. I'm going to use it to find myself then I'm going off to greener pastures.

originally posted by: and14263
a reply to: Profusion

Touched a nerve? If you stopped reading when you did you missed the important part.

You did touch a nerve. I can't stand when people state assumptions as being true. It's especially bad when the assumptions are impossible to prove. Saying everyone's emotions are the same about anything is an unfalsifiable claim. Of course that bothers me because it's nothing but deception. And, it's counter-productive.

I find it hilarious that you didn't argue my point about the fact you were stating an assumption as a fact. But, you then turned around and use the fact that I stated an uncontested fact as truth as a chance to go off on a non sequitur.

originally posted by: and14263
a reply to: Profusion

You're obviously concerned with making threads rather than learning.

Thread on.

You just keep stating assumptions as facts. It's pointless.

Honestly I think you should focus on finding yourself NOT online

Don't be a persona ever. Just be you man

From your other post I feel like you have a strong need to be wanted, needed or validated....no offense at all we all have this to an extent

But what you need to do is be your own validation, become comfortable w yourself in your own skin and be happy w who you are....if you're not there is no amount of attention or validation from anyone that will fill that gap or need.

Go out, explore, read....learn yourself and do things FOR yourself.....and be careful w people online, anyone can pretend online....and those predators who are masters at manipulation can and do target well meaning folks like you

And NEVER conform to what a woman demands you conform to for her....if she doesn't like who you really are then walk away

Cheers my friend and wish you the best!

a reply to: ManBehindTheMask

I started writing the contents of the thread below as a reply to you. Then, I realized it should be its own thread. Thank you for the inspiration.

Advantages of Using a Persona Online

a reply to: Profusion

The emotions are the same regardless of how the situation is spun. A two-year crush is a two-year crush regardless of whether I saw that woman in real life. It's funny that you use the term "forum weirdo" as if these people only exist online.

The difference that exists is in your head....you ,may think you are having are having a relationship but you are not ...you are living in the cyber world....perhaps virtual reality is a good thing for those that are like you...

a reply to: Profusion

You just keep stating assumptions as facts. It's pointless.

No. I looked at your thread history and contributions. Your constant "This needs its own thread" replies, the countless threads about very little, threads about threads, I'm not the only member who has noticed this - you are more concerned with making threads than anything else.

If I recall correctly you even once made a thread about how you are here to play a game and make threads.

originally posted by: Profusion
a reply to: ManBehindTheMask

I started writing the contents of the thread below as a reply to you. Then, I realized it should be its own thread. Thank you for the inspiration.

Advantages of Using a Persona Online

always here to help wherever i can my friend

originally posted by: Profusion
She gave me a bunch of advice about what to do.

She gave me more advice, and following it will be hard. She told me not to talk about any women on that forum. That includes the women on the forum. She said I sound very creepy and weird when I do that. I'm going to do it; I just don't know how hard it will be.

On that forum, most of the feedback I get from the men is trolling. It's only the women who seriously communicate with me, most of the time. I don't know how to communicate with them without referring to them. For instance, I will not be able to give them compliments or even acknowledge their existence outside of having a philosophical-type discussion that's completely unrelated to them. Yes, that's the extreme I'm going to have to go to ever be friends with the woman I like on that forum.

After reading that order (for lack of a better term), a couple of the women who like chatting with me immediately expressed their displeasure at me agreeing to the follow that. A couple of them tried really hard to get me to break promise to follow the order. But, even this extreme price isn't too much to pay.

The crazy thing is, no one is mocking me or questioning me at all for taking that order. It just means that that they agree that it's worth it, that's what that means. I think it's worth it too.

But, a lot of my enjoyment of that forum just went out the window. I won't be able to have normal interactions (for me) with the female posters there anymore.

She told me to be myself if I know who myself is anymore.

originally posted by: hopenotfeariswhatweneed
a reply to: Profusion

Profusion:
The emotions are the same regardless of how the situation is spun. A two-year crush is a two-year crush regardless of whether I saw that woman in real life. It's funny that you use the term "forum weirdo" as if these people only exist online.

hopenotfear:The difference that exists is in your head....you ,may think you are having are having a relationship but you are not ...you are living in the cyber world....perhaps virtual reality is a good thing for those that are like you...

So true HNFIWWN: Hope Profusion has a sense of humor because this either was a huge waste of 2 years time/effort or a very public SOUL PROGRESSION meant to be an instruction to all. This one Profusions, and very public.

hopenotfear:The difference that exists is in your head....you ,may think you are having are having a relationship but you are not ...you are living in the cyber world....perhaps virtual reality is a good thing for those that are like you...
So true HNFIWWN: Hope Profusion has a sense of humor because this either was a huge waste of 2 years time/effort or a very public SOUL PROGRESSION meant to be an instruction to all. This one Profusions, and very public.

There is no way to know what anyone else is feeling. I don't know why people can't understand this simple concept:

No one can objectively prove that anything is real. Solopsism cannot be disproved because there's no way to know for sure if anything outside of one's personal experience is real.

Does it matter if 'reality' is real?

It's impossible to prove anything outside of yourself exists. How are you going to prove that anyone's emotions are like yours or the same as anyone else's? You're kidding yourself if you think you can prove that.

If a sunset or a book or a movie can make a person cry, so can words on a screen. It's happened to me several times. What I feel occasionally (in very rare instances) is the emotion that the other person was feeling when they wrote a specific thing. And, that does cause me to cry on rare occasions. I've felt more extreme emotions online than I have in real life. I had someone else confirm the same thing to me.

...

Getting back to the thing I was discussing in my last post in this thread. There is an aspect to it that I didn't mention. There is a woman on that forum I mentioned that I had private communications with for about a month almost two ago. I cut off the communications because I was too egotistical and she hurt my ego. It was absurd looking back. She followed me around (I would say stalked me) for a couple of months. But, almost two years later she still seems a bit obsessed with me.

She showed up in the thread I mentioned above, and she wrote some incredible posts about me. They went like this:

Post #1

Paragraph 1: This is guy can't be trusted, he has tons of flaws.

Paragraph 2: This is guy can't be trusted, he has tons of flaws.

Paragraph 3: This is guy can't be trusted, he has tons of flaws.

Paragraph 4: This is guy can't be trusted, he has tons of flaws.

Paragraph 5: Best of luck in the future (said in the most condescending way she could).

I replied here. She ignored my reply and went on.

Post #2

Paragraph 1: This is guy can't be trusted, he has tons of flaws.

Paragraph 2: Here's my advice to you about what to do on this forum. This is what I want to see from you.

Then later in that thread she went on to say exactly why she wanted to see that thing from me. This woman doesn't do anything by accident in my experience. She did it on purpose. I'm certain of that. Now, I need to do what both of them told me (which makes perfect sense, by the way).

I'm going to summarize the advice from four different women on that forum (the two I've mentioned so far plus two others):

1. Don't talk about women.

2. Don't ask questions about you should do.

3. Don't try to defend yourself very often.

4. Stop asking for clarification if you don't understand something that's not significant.

I did those things a lot before. But, most of it was fake, and I was just doing it for fun. They took that stuff very seriously, and it really bothered them.

I didn't realize they were taking this so seriously when I wasn't being very serious most of the time. Time for some introspection.

a reply to: vethumanbeing

I likely could have worded that a little differently, i did not mean to sound like an ass...(although i do most of the time so why should it be any different this time)...