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originally posted by: peppycat
a reply to: nonspecific I'm a good listener and I am a caregiver so my life is often about tending to other peoples needs before my own.
I have conversations in my head to work out what I'm going through and I write letters that don't go very far. It is tough when being the one person you can depend on and turn to... is yourself, but then you become stronger and more in touch with your inner self.
If you do find a person to share your troubles with, it helps, just don't make the relationship solely about sharing each others troubles... you want to enjoy each others company and have a bit of fun too.
I wish you the very best on your journey of getting to know you, you've always got you and you'll always be there for you!
peace my friend
I can't turn to the talkers because for so long I have kept quiet.
originally posted by: intrptr
a reply to: nonspecific
I can't turn to the talkers because for so long I have kept quiet.
Talkers or takers? They'll drain you till your dry and discard you like an empty soda can. If they can't take one moment to show you any of the attention you have so lavished on them then they don't deserve it. Pearls before swine and all. If it has become this detrimental to you, detach and save your self, take time to recharge, find another group of 'friends in need'.
Beware, if you stop 'helping' them, these energy vampires will come after you. It all get a little worse, you have to detach completely.
originally posted by: nonspecific
I am glad to know it is not just me that suffers this way.
Many years ago I became so obsessed with helping others even though it would often make my own life worse that I ended up with a mental condition where I thought I was no longer human, my mind created a fantasy in which I was an angel sent to help others and as an angel my own life was unimportant and only others mattered.
Looking back the problems that I have solved created problems to myself that I honestly not see a way out of.
As I say I am in a pretty dark place right now but your words are a help.
Thank you.
originally posted by: SpaceGoatFart
originally posted by: nonspecific
I am glad to know it is not just me that suffers this way.
Many years ago I became so obsessed with helping others even though it would often make my own life worse that I ended up with a mental condition where I thought I was no longer human, my mind created a fantasy in which I was an angel sent to help others and as an angel my own life was unimportant and only others mattered.
Looking back the problems that I have solved created problems to myself that I honestly not see a way out of.
As I say I am in a pretty dark place right now but your words are a help.
Thank you.
I also had a psychotic break seasoned with messiah complex if you want to talk about it.
So, anyway, what are your current problems right now? Maybe we can have a look at them together and find an advice or two
originally posted by: nonspecific
I went from a home and a family to living in a tent with nothing but a few clothes and a few tins of food.
originally posted by: SpaceGoatFart
originally posted by: nonspecific
I went from a home and a family to living in a tent with nothing but a few clothes and a few tins of food.
That sucks big time. What's your situation right now? Any improvement? Have you reached for help from local charities and social services?
That is a fair point and yes maybe some are "takers" but that is life.
originally posted by: nonspecific
The problem is that I never got over the trauma and never stopped thinking I was here to help people.
right now the things I have done to help others have taken their toll on my new life and it looks as if I may be looking to be back where I started.
I am also a newly recovering alcoholic so it's all coming to a head and I am starting to realise that many of my actions were based on the mental condition and in hindsight I should have concentrated on myself and those closest to me instead of trying to help those I knew and loved less but needed the help more.
I agree with this exercise... it can help give one a new perspective on how to deal with an overly needy person when they actually begin to drain you.... when you effectively have contemplated in your writing all that you needed to get off your chest... you can let it go..in the fire place... just let it burn into nothing, watching the problems disappear the new clarity.
originally posted by: violet
Hard to know what can help you if you've spent so long playing this role of listening. I've done the same at times..
One thing that may help. If you have nobody to talk to. Try imagining you are, pick somebody you might want it to be and write them a letter. You don't need to actually give it to them. Rip it up when you're finished. It has to be handwritten. Not typed out on a computer. Discuss everything you need to discuss and writing it by hand means you will pay more attention to each word and the words will flow and you will write much more than you intended to.
It gets it off your chest and you may even discover things about yourself or the problem(s) you hadn't thought of. Read it through after you're done.
It's a very helpful exercise that can work.