Toilet Etiquette

a reply to: corblimeyguvnor

I put paper in before a discharge

I must be bored because I've also read the entire thread. Interesting subject for Saturday lunch. Something that has not been mentioned that will definitely help the OP and some others is a combination of Metamucil AND a good probiotic (Accuflora is good, or my personal favorite, ColonGreen). Try this and in less than a week YOU will be in control of your bowels. Less frequent trips to the bathroom, less flatulence, less odor, less splashing, less bloating and pressure. If you have bathroom issues like described in this thread I assure you that probiotics are a step in the right direction. There are many different types with different types of bacteria, so if one doesn't give you the desired results then try another. When you've hit on the right one for your body it will be life changing.

originally posted by: Aliensun
a reply to: corblimeyguvnor


A tad more intense that what most of us naturally feel at such times. Now that you've fingered the problem, start working on a gentle solution that comes out in the end to your favor. The at-work situation can be addressed by speaking to a handy cleaner when one enters the area and you are in a restive but not committed position to ask her to take you to her leader. I understand that is a universal way of starting communications with any intelligent being.

Ask her to take you to her leader! I am laughing so hard I cannot go on....

a reply to: corblimeyguvnor

2, Home
The wife has NEVER heard me break wind let alone splash one out into the porcelain throne. Why is it, every time i see her working in the garden or otherwise engaged in an activity, i think to myself its safe to go, as soon as i start my ritual, i hear her footsteps walking by the door!!! and have to stop making noises or attempting to make noises.

I used to be like this but after a lot of years my wife and I are no longer careful of such things.

Might I suggest at home redo the walls and door make the room sound proof like expensive homes are. well worth it, ours are like paper miserable when we have company!

a reply to: corblimeyguvnor

2, Home

The wife has NEVER heard me break wind let alone splash one out into the porcelain throne. Why is it, every time i see her working in the garden or otherwise engaged in an activity, i think to myself its safe to go, as soon as i start my ritual, i hear her footsteps walking by the door!!! and have to stop making noises or attempting to make noise

You have been emasculated - Seriously you have to plan to go to the toilet based on her movements; I think you need to reclaim your manhood. A dropped fart once in a while will start the ball rolling, are you doing this for love or "fear of the consequences"

a reply to: SlowNail

Worked in a kebab shop once where there were 3 muslims. I think they use the water to wet the paper. The funny thing was they would always do this ritual before they ate. Having said that the use of wet paper is good for removal or stuck dried hair & matter if you have bum hairs.

They should make bidets compulsory Internationally, only way to go. When some people move too close to you - you can really smell them! Disgusting

a reply to: dogstar23

F the lotto I would have left such employment long ago. Can you put up signs or comments when no-ones watching? be creative. Why clean the pee of the floor - your hand gets too close to their urine - just roll up your trouser legs!

If you think you know the guilty party wait for them to get in and get out, quickly follow into the toilet, leave a turd behind in the general area and run out shouting; "who did this! Call da police" Be creative

a reply to: Reverbs

Whoa... I work with mostly girls thank god haha.

And yet that's where you're wrong - women are notorious for being sloppy - I heard it from many women that they see other women act like new borns when it comes to potty etiquette and those things they insert monthly. Gross

a reply to: corblimeyguvnor

they will still stand, albeit slightly elevated by about 18 inches, hence leaving footprints on a plastic seat

Let me get this right?...they put their shoes on the seat which probably means their arse is a bout a 1.5 metres off the cistern of water - what are they practising a bombing run?

a reply to: the owlbear

I have a thing for tight shiny things on the new Ms. Owlbear

What she had a cyborg metallic replacement transplant down there? It must hurt like hell to have fun with her

Sorry, I didn't read the whole thread, but what I did read cracked me up. It's a bathroom and that's what bathrooms are for ...doing whatever it is your body needs to do. Everyone does it! So just do whatever it is ya gotta do and don't worry about it. As for farting, hey, that has to come out too. I usually just warn people it's coming. Unless I'm out somewhere like a store, I'll grab an empty isle and let it rip. I know so lady like huh? However, there are those times when you turn into the next isle and you still smell. You can't even get away from the smell yourself. And God forbid there is someone in that isle. You have nowhere to hide. LOL

Years ago, my Husband and I would be in a grocery store and he'd let a good one rip and there were people all around us and he'd look at me and say, "What did you do that for pew!" I would get so pissed. LOL

originally posted by: TheConstruKctionofLight
a reply to: SlowNail

Worked in a kebab shop once where there were 3 muslims. I think they use the water to wet the paper. The funny thing was they would always do this ritual before they ate. Having said that the use of wet paper is good for removal or stuck dried hair & matter if you have bum hairs.

They should make bidets compulsory Internationally, only way to go. When some people move too close to you - you can really smell them! Disgusting

I worked with muslims and they told us it has to do with their religion where they wash. We would always find these little Dixie cups lying around and it looked like someone peed the seat. I guess they splashed water up there to be clean. But they would leave water all over the seats and the floor. We heard from the guys the men did it too. I don't know. I was just relieved it wasn't pee. They were told by management to clean up the spills when they were done.

At my current job, there's only 1 toilet in the men's room. The one guy there has some kind of health problem where he has to go spend time on it multiple times every shift. I'm just waiting for the day he blows a gasket after walking in there and realizing someone pissed all over it.

Thanks for the laughs guys, I needed it, still laughing after some comments lol

originally posted by: TheConstruKctionofLight
a reply to: dogstar23

F the lotto I would have left such employment long ago. Can you put up signs or comments when no-ones watching? be creative. Why clean the pee of the floor - your hand gets too close to their urine - just roll up your trouser legs!

If you think you know the guilty party wait for them to get in and get out, quickly follow into the toilet, leave a turd behind in the general area and run out shouting; "who did this! Call da police" Be creative

Roll up my trouser legs? hows that going to help? I need to pull said trousers down and not lay them into a ceramic lined lake. Its not pee by the way, its water, they bottle water their arse while standing on the seat after "bomb's gone", hygiene apparently.

Just saying

In my house I poo door open and chat away to my wife. At work I stand chatting to my mates around the urinal.

I fart loud and proud, stickier the better

Shocker after a pee I rarely wash my hands.

Man up op,