Need brainstorming help to create happy memories

Life for me has always been a struggle. I have more negative memories than I do good. I have experienced a lot of death and loss and spent most of my life trying to survive instead of living.

I missed out on most of the important events in my younger years. I never got to graduate high school, no prom, no parents and placed in a bad situation and coping with death. I never got the college experience really, went to a tiny community college with zero social activities. Death and struggles with a particular subject meant I didn't quite finish.

I have experienced quite a few traumatic events and I often find it difficult to believe that I have been through everything I have. Yes, I am a survivor, but what I don't have is enough positive memories to look back on. I have so many bad memories I really need to focus on creating positive ones, but living a life of mostly survival, I am not sure I ever learned how.

So I need your guys help. I am on a mission to create positive memories to keep me going and to give me a reason to keep moving forward. I am open to any suggestion as long as it falls under 4. categories.

1. Doesn't require friends or family, one other person only. I don't know anyone here and all my family is dead.
2. Doesn't involve children. With the loss of my children, I am constantly fighting my motherly instinct and drive. Strangers don't appreciate it when you go up and wipe their child's nose.
3. Tales little to no money. Like $25 or less. I am poor.
4. Doesn't involve above normal physical activity. Long hikes or snow skiing would be out due to an autoimmune disorder.

So please help me out, I am tired of looking back on my life and only seeing painful memories.

a reply to: calstorm

Volunteer at a retirement center. The older folks love the company, you don't have to spend a dime, and all you have to do is listen.

It makes a world of difference for them.

Hmm, I have a few ideas.

1) Have you any local Facebook friends? Ask if they want to walk at the local park/go for coffee/find a book club together.

2) What are your interests? Local Science Fiction groups and groups that make independent films are usually very inclusive. You can make memories offering to hold a boom mic and meet people.

3) Plenty of fish used to have local events nationwide. I am not sure about now, but a similar website may and you can join saying you are just looking for friendship.

4) Facebook again. If you don't have one, get one. You can then set settings to be alerted to local events your local friends are going to and say yes or no to the invite.

5) Learn about your local area by visiting places like art galleries or museums you have never been to.

6) An Amtrak USA pass isn't expensive. You can see the country with a 24 hr layover in major city stops.

7) Make a bucket list that doesn't cost and try to follow it!

Those are the ideas off of the top of my head. It is terrible to think you are living, but not really living and experiencing.

Can you give us a hint about your location? It may help narrow down my suggestions. PM me if you like.

I have always considered that a day spent laughing is one of the most therapeutic and meaningful things a person can take part in. Any comedy clubs in the area? Does your condition allow you to drink or smoke?

a reply to: calstorm

You and I sound like kindred spirits in a lot of ways.

In my darkest of darkest times, I would wake up early and watch the sunrise. It was "MY" time and it was precious as hell to me.

It was something I could control and be in control of...maybe not the degree of beauty in the sunrise but, the time was MINE!.

Looking at a clear night sky was something else I loved doing but, wasn't always able to do for different reasons.

Those are some of my most precious memories....the memories that I carved out for myself.

I almost forgot the most important part!

Keep a journal of what you see, hear and feel while watching the sunrise!

From time to time, I will still pull out my old journals and read what I wrote.

It does wonders for me in terms of seeing how far I have come and how far I have grown and, evolved as a person.

a reply to: calstorm

How about volunteering some of your time at any of the following places:

- soup kitchens
- nursing homes
- disability centres (blind, deaf, etc)
- veteran care centres
- local church/nunnery fundraisers to help the underprivileged
- children's hospitals

Any of those will give you an excellent sense of accomplishment (not that you haven't already accomplished yourself as being a strong survivor)... with the added bonus of getting to share your natural nurturing desires.

Putting smiles on people's faces will always leave lasting happy memories in one's mind.

Take a smile and pay it forward !

It might not seem like much and not knowing where your currently situated it might not be possible, but I suggest fishing. It's always been a relaxing and fun experience for me and if like you said you have at least one person to include in your activities ask them to tag along.

Struggling for survival such as you have no doubt is tiresome. I bet any ray of light or helping hand you received seemed like a blessing. Perhaps lending your hand to those in a dire straights will give you some good memories. Something as simple as donating your time at a shelter or group home,cummunitiy garden or school can change another persons life and perhaps yours too.

I would also suggest getting a pet if you don't already have one but they can be expensive and might be out of your reach in terms of disposable income to provide for it.

Shelter dogs are usually cheap have their shots and will be your friend for life. They truly appeticate being saved they know the score believe me. The simple things like going for a walk or snuggling on the couch are great! Learning your dogs little quarks and personality is a great experience at least it is for me.

I wish you all the best and hope it starts looking up for you.





a reply to: calstorm

a reply to: calstorm

I dunno, I have the same feeling regarding no happy memories to think of

what I found out with meself is that I talk to meself all day long

sometimes that isn't a good idea since I will talk about bad memories

but when I create something, change something, update something I feel like I created a new memory so strong
that in that moment I forget about everything bad.

Do you have any pets? Perhaps getting a really laid back dog and taking him on local adventures would be an idea. You could take pictures and post them here! Maybe there's a dog sitting in a shelter waiting for you to come find him/her.

a reply to: calstorm
You've really gone through hell. It's good to see that you're still strong.

As for happy memories, I've seen a lot of people mentioning volunteer work. That is very rewarding. You might like it. A book club might be something you would like, fishing, except for a fishing pole it doesn't require a lot of money. You said no physical activity so hiking might be out but you can take slow walks on an easy nature trail. You might like camping. There are places that are cheap to camp at. Bird watching is something else you might enjoy. The books shouldn't be too much. Gardening is something else, if you have the room and land.
ETA: I know that some of these are technically hobbies but they can bring you a sense of fulfillment and happiness. I hope that you find something you like.

a reply to: calstorm
You should dwell on the negative.

I also agree with the volunteering many have already suggested. How far can you and are you willing to travel? Maybe look into going on missions through a local church or other organization. The destinations vary. Costs may be an issue although I've seen some places offer financial assistance. Just an idea. Conferences also look for volunteers.

Join a club or group, or organization.

Take a hot air balloon ride, ride on the train?

When I was going through a particularly hard time I made the decision to find one thing each day that would cheer me up.

Sometimes, on my way to work, I'd see a blackbird hopping about in the square and he'd be my happy memory for that day. It really only needed something that simple.

Another thing I used to do (before the days of online newspapers) was clip out cartoons from the daily paper that had particularly amused me. I kept them in a folder and, ages later, if I was feeling miserable I'd look through them. I found a couple of odd ones a few months ago when I was having a clear-out. They still made me laugh so I kept them

You could do worse than visit your local library and sit quietly with a book on philosophy of some sort for half an hour. Just read enough to go away and think about. Buddhism always helps me.

You could try watching the Moon each night and getting used to its various phases. Stop and think of how many billions of people have seen that exact same Moon over the millennia. Stars and planets, too. As much as the World changes, the sky stays pretty much the same (please nobody nit-pick that statement)

AND... take a moment to feel warm and fuzzy after you've read the replies to your thread.

originally posted by: calstorm

So I need your guys help. I am on a mission to create positive memories to keep me going and to give me a reason to keep moving forward.

A) You do not 'create' thought/memories, you 'perceive' thought/memories.
B) 'Memories' can rather easily be implanted, almost like in 'Total Recall', by any good hypnotherapist!
you can even do it to yourself!

There will be lots more suffering in your life when you attempt to run from, or attach to passing thoughts!
Personal comfort is a rather juvenile goal in life.
There can be no Blessings without Pain!
Pain is necessary to turn you from a mere hominid into a 'human'!

“Suffering is a gift. In it is hidden mercy.”
― Rumi

“The wound is the place where the Light enters you.”
--- Rumi

"I say that next to God there is no nobler thing than suffering. Right suffering is the mother of all virtues, for right suffering so subdues the heart, it cannot rise to pride but perforce is lowly." - Meister Eckhart

"Harkee, all rational souls! The swiftest steed to bear you to your goal is suffering; none shall ever taste eternal bliss but those who stand with Christ in depths of bitterness. Nothing is more gall-bitter than suffering, nothing so honey-sweet as to have suffered. The most sure foundation for this perfection is humility, for he whose nature here creeps in deepest depths shall soar in spirit to highest height of Deity.' - Meister Eckhart

"The growth of the soul in man is as that of a pearl in an oyster, both being caused by irritation." - Plato

Pain and Blessing/Bliss are One Reality!
The only difference is a matter of Perspective!
"The immature run from Pain, the Wise find the Blessing within!" - n

"Only a Breaking Heart can Love!" - n

Pay your dues, son, like us all!
You cannot have a Heaven without a Hell! *__-

a reply to: namelesss

are you talking about Neuro-linguistic programming?

hehe

a reply to: calstorm

Hi, sounds like you had a lot of the cr*p I did and have a hard time focusing on something good after all the trauma and dissappointment.

What works for me is this...even if I don't have the good memories from back then, it taught me SO much that I now have such a wonderful present and future that I can focus on instead of relying on the happy memories like many others.

When things start so good, it can only get worse but if it starts bad, it can only get better.

Getting as far as we have with so little is priceless and unique in this day and age.

Luv ya!

a reply to: calstorm
Please, if you don't already, learn to meditate. Plain and simple, begin by meditating and the solutions to the remaining problems may become apparent to you.

Sorry, it has taken me a while to respond.

Yes, I have pets. It helps a little. While I appreciate the suggestion, I just can't bring myself to use facebook. Right now transportation is limited (car need repair work to pass emissions test) and I have to rely on public transportation, but it isn't too bad where I am at. I spent most of my life in places that were to rural for public transportation so I count my blessing when it comes to that.

Thank you, everyone for your replies, there are a few individual posts I really want to reply to soon, just feeling a bit drained at the moment. There are some amazing replies and ideas here.

a reply to: calstorm
If you like to work with your hands, you might take up crafting. There are plenty of projects to do.

a reply to: calstorm

Facebook = NO.

I like to light fires near streams. The combination of the sound of water and the silence of the flame puts me in a happy place fairly quickly.

For one thing, the fact that you exist coherently, compliments your ability to sustain an existence to this point, so give credit where credit is due. You must realize that while 101 things can knock you down, the hard truth is that we may be the only ones capable of lifting ourselves back up. If that sounds overwhelming to you, it should.

You yourself said life is a struggle. If its a struggle to live the the worst of times it coincidentally is a struggle to live through the best. Effort equals results, to exist is to struggle. Start small and stop asking for answers. You body already contains them. They are just locked inside your hardened exterior begging for you to seek them.

Hope this helps in some weird way.