The Downsides of Being Beautiful

I realize that my saying outloud (writing in public) that there are ways certain people get treated differently because of their physical appearence is an unpopular assertion. It makes us all wriggle uncomfortably, and we don't want it to be true.

We don't want to admit we each may have taken part in such an unfair and unjust phenomenon, from one side or another.
We are uncomfortable with anyone else admitting so and search to shut them up using various tactics.

I took advantage of my evening with a couple of friends last night to bring up the subject and collect more views.

A shared sentiment was - we all know this happens, but we don't want to talk about it. Somewhere, somehow, we enjoy this. We enjoy the perception that the beautiful people are carefree and having the time of their life, scraping all they can from that advantage with no moral or ethical concerns whatsoever. Through them, and that vision, we can live it in fantasy- the fantasy of being completely egotistical and free from any social conscience.

In imagining them like that, we feel it ourselves for a moment.

I guess that is why Marie Antoinette was seen as so superificial and lacking in consciousness of others? because that is what the people wanted to believe?

That celebrities are nasty corrupt self centered and greedy, is what people want to believe?

Is there any place for the reality of these people, rather than what we want to believe?

a reply to: Eilasvaleleyn

Is it apocalyptically stupid-- never herd those two words put together as a means of description, thought that was funny in a cute way.

Also, conciousness is a "subjective observation" though we know it objectively exists, I would say that there are generally agreed upon qualities of beauty ,however that doesn't nail any one specific quality of beauty to a "universal quality".we believe the universe to be beautiful in its vastness and wonder but then some are nihilistic and misanthropic, and hate everything and everyone that exists so therefor they wouldn't find the "beauty".

I think there are objective features that we find beautiful about many different things, however obviously you need a subjective experience to define those things. So does beauty exist outside of the mind, sure the things we call beautiful exist outside of the mind.

I realize that my saying outloud (writing in public) that there are ways certain people get treated differently because of their physical appearence is an unpopular assertion.

Wait, what? Unpopular assertion? I was under the impression it was an accepted fact.

@TechniXcality

Well, yes, ultimately everything is fairly uncertain, if you want to be extremely philosophical about it. However, beauty does not exist by itself, because for something to be beautiful it must have an observer. It's a description based on an opinion, however, as you say, while there may be "generally" beautiful things (e.g. being in good shape), those "generally" beautiful things are highly subject to change and tend to be based more on culture than anything else (e.g. being in good shape.) You can say that "in X population at Y point in time, Z trait was generally considered beautiful," but you can't really go much further than that.

So many knee-jerk reactions to the OP. Are those the jealous ones your are talking about?

If you hadn't noticed by the very first response, talking about being beautiful is taboo. You must never go against the village lest you become the idiot.

As far as I'm concerned everyone can # off, I happen to like my feathers. Being flightless is a fair trade off.

I never considered myself as Handsome, it's just that everyone else did. I was a bookworm/nerd of the 70's. In a class of almost 400 high school Grads, I was on the short end. Then, I joined the USMC, 110 days of boot camp then out to Training then on to the FMF

I found out that being 6'4 was not short ( I grew up around freakishly tall Dutch ) I found out that not everyone has sky blue eyes and blonde hair.

I found out that women will talk to you if you say "Hi"

I found out doing amateur stand up in the park WILL make folks laugh. ( "I used to be Dutch, but I took pills for it" )

I found out that women seduce men.

I found out that there are men attracted to other men. ("no thanks, old spice doesn't arouse my interest")

I found out that being a nice guy ruins women on dates, ( "no one ever opens the front door let alone the car door for me, they usually just beep at the curb" )

I found out sexual harassment was subjective ("If YOU told me an off color joke, I wouldn't be offended" [after getting my co-worker in trouble for an off color joke])

I found out that you are never alone for long as long as have a smile or grin on your face.( In Austin I had to have my wife next to me at all times )

yes there are many downsides to being beautiful, but if you are very lucky and persistent you find that other bookworm nerd, in a Tennis skirt

Lol so this appeared on my facebook newsfeed and I replied to the comments on ATS's page. And then deleted my comments because I'm a ninja like that and because that was enough. I could show you all my picture and then really be arrogant, but I won't because what I look like is utterly beside the point. My personal experiences, while valid and pertinent to this topic, are irrelevant in your attempts to 'debunk' this thread (or whatever you guys are trying to do. because no matter what you say, the truth is the truth. And rest assured, while you have hurt my feelings (which I anticipated when I wrote the thread--of course. it's nbd. I'm over it), you're hurting yourselves a whole lot more).

Basically, I'm surprised/not surprised at the reaction to this post. Thank you to everyone who gets it. And to the negative nancies we've got going on en masse around here: whether you like it or not, what I said was true. Intelligence correlates with beauty. And yes, people are mean and hateful toward what they cannot have because people are largely selfish and cruel. It is what it is. Of course I sounded arrogant in the OP--how else could I possibly sound? That's why this topic is rarely brought up! But it needs to be talked about. It's important. The truth hurts. Deal with it, I guess.

If you're mad--that just tells me that I must be doing something right.

a reply to: rukia

Rock and roll I am with you, and also I have seen your picture when you first joined ats yes everyone she is infact beautiful, or even beautiful in the general way we appraise beauty. Take it easy Rukia, I knew you would catch flack just keep doing what you are doing

a reply to: Rosinitiate

Yep. I knew what I was getting into when I posted. But that's the only way I could talk about it. Because it means something to me. It's the truth. I don't know how else to talk about it. And I'll become the idiot in order to get people talking. What people think of me doesn't matter, because the truth is the truth--and nothing anyone says is going to change it.

And yes. Those knee-jerk envy reactions are exactly the kind of hateful thing I was talking about.



I'm glad you noticed. I have been finding it rather amusing all day. In between regretting posting the thread lol

a reply to: TechniXcality

Bless your heart.
Thank you

a reply to: rukia

I think the reason people are sensitive in matters of beauty are twofold:

Firstly, its role in our culture.

And secondly, the fact that for the most part, beauty is just something you're born with. Someone can look at a scientist, a musician, an actor, and think "I could be that if I worked at it."
But beauty?
Yes, there are things you can do. Be in shape, take care of your hair... But some people simply don't have the genes for it. It pisses them off.

I'm speaking as a perfectly average person here, though, so there may be something I'm misunderstanding. (Brown hair, brown eyes, light skin, average shape, average face - probably.)

a reply to: Eilasvaleleyn

Absolutely. It's the same thing when it comes to people hating other people because they have more money. Being mean to people over something that they have no control over--just because you want it and think that you deserve it more than they do is all-too-common. It's fine to admit that you want these things--but it's not okay to take out your ire at fate on someone who has what you think you want. It's pathetic. But I suppose most people probably don't think about how their jealousy affects others. They feel victimized and inadequate and lash out. And blame others instead of realizing that the problem lies within. So they try to make the person that has whatever they want feel as inadequate as they feel. Thus falsely boosting their ego and making them numb to reality. I don't even think that they feel bad about doing it. I think they actually feel justified with their meanness. And that's something that I don't think I'll ever really understand.

But then, not everyone reacts with jealousy. It's people like that that make me happy. To me, that's beautiful.

a reply to: rukia

Personally, I don't blame them for reacting in such a way. It's innate, it's uncontrollable. Even I suffer from it sometimes, and I am aware of it. I consciously reject it, but it is still there, somewhere I am likely unaware of. Try as I might, I cannot change that. Much like I cannot change my degree of physical "beauty."

It is a matter of agency, when you ask "why them and not me?" of a skilled musician, the answer is a simple "because they practiced hard for twenty years."
When you ask "why them and not me?" of someone who is beautiful... It is mostly just genetics. Something out of either person's control, true, but it is maddening, that sense of powerlessness. It is a form of unrequited love.

My deadly sin is Envy, but not in the way you would think.

Has anyone mentioned the cost of a personal custom fit mirror !??

originally posted by: odinsway
a reply to: rukia
....Are you for real?.....this belongs in the hoax bin.....because we dont have a retard bin here at ATS yet. There is no beauty in narcisism.

You indirectly called another ATSer a retard. There are scientific studies done on symmetrical faces. Google is your friend. The op showed no narcisism. I should really report your post.

originally posted by: rukia
But then, not everyone reacts with jealousy. It's people like that that make me happy. To me, that's beautiful.

Fundamentally, the key is to not worry about what other people are thinking and concentrate on what you think. What seems important in your teens and twenties eventually fades into insignificance as you get older, have a greater depth of perspective, and if you have developed yourself, worked on your skills etc, then you will know that what you have is yours by endeavour, not because it was handed to you on a platter because you are pretty. People can think what they like, you will know.

In terms of there being an intelligence/attractiveness correlation, perhaps, in some, but definately not in all. Intelligence is plastic, can be developed, or it can atrophy due to a lack of decent material to work with. There is also though the factor of adversity, the more we overcome, the smarter we get. That works however you look, at whatever station in life you find yourself. We all have crosses to bear, and how we approach and overcome those, is what makes life interesting, dynamic and an experience of learning. Being beautiful offers certain advantages, if you wish to exploit them, if not, they can be a disadvantage. Same with anything and everything, it is where you apply the focus. If intelligence and beauty were intrinsically associated, there would be significantly less objectification and exploitation of youthful sexuality. I hate having my photo taken, therefore turning down offers to model was a no brainer, but to others it may seem like easy money, but very few women, once objectified, make it back to being taken seriously in the public eye, however intelligent they may be. Some do though use it to springboard to other things, to pay for school, to help others or to go into business. It is down to the individual and what they want out of life. Lots of dumb young girls and boys, oozing beauty out of every pore, have been used up and cast aside and there are always more being born to refill the ranks. The actively intelligent amongst us can protect ourselves from the perceived "pitfalls", which is indeed another advantage but one that requires hard work if it is to be an advantage in the long term.

So, if you're intelligent, take it on the chin and recognise it for what it is, superficial people being superficial. So long as you make sure that you invest more of your time and resources into your intelligence rather than your appearance, it evens itself out. You have absolutely no control over what others think, feel and do, but absolute control over yourself. Let them get on with it. Getting out of life what you want out of it, is a long game for the vast majority to us, and there is no such thing as a free ride, all experience carries with it the opportunity to learn. Falling flat on your face, being hated for something you have no control over, can make you a much better person, on the inside, or it can make you a self-pitying whiner...it's a choice...but recognising that there is always someone worse off than you, overcoming the seemingly insurmountable, does make it easier to get back up, dust yourself off and start all over again.

Life may seem easier for some, but if it hasn't been easy for me, I am kind of glad, it is all turning out quite well in the second half because I stayed true to what I valued rather than what I was told I should value. By middle age, you will realise that the people around you are a reflection of you, if you find them beautiful, that is a better indication of whether you are too than the reflection in the mirror.

It certainly does have many downsides and mainly because it is not something you have to work at. Peoples perceptions of you are based off of it as well. If you are shy and dont want to be noticed you may get upset because people stare at you etc.

a reply to: Eilasvaleleyn

Great point!

But I don't necessarily blame them at all. It is what it is. And I blame evil, not people. I like people quite a lot. But I do get angry with them. Which is wrong, too. You're right.

In what way is your deadly sin Envy, then? If you don't mind me asking, of course. I'm not sure what mine is, because I sin quite prolifically, but if I had to pinpoint one area in particular, I'd say mine's hubris--pride.



a reply to: Harvin

For sure. And it doesn't help that I'm really extroverted and loud and kind of a know-it-all sometimes. I'm nerdy I guess. Which makes me even more annoying.

a reply to: Anaana

I know that, but it doesn't stop it from hurting. I was lucky that my mom told me the truth, growing up. And what to expect. I mainly wanted to talk about it for perhaps someone else in my position who might not know these things and might instead blame themselves and think that something's wrong with them when it's not. If that makes sense.

a reply to: reldra

Thank you for sticking up for me. I really appreciate it.

Off-topic, but do you still play WoW? We should totally play some time.

a reply to: Timely

What is this witchcraft you speak of?!