Is there such a thing as preferences anymore?

Today, I was called something that really set me off on a rant for this person. As many of you probably know, I'm single right now, and I got an email saying someone had sent me a message on one of my profiles. Well, sadly the message wasn't quite what I expected. Below is a snippet of the message in question (this person decided to rant on their own - which kept going).

I have a huge problem with your profile - In the section where you specify who should contact you, I noticed that you said you tend to prefer those that keep themselves in shape, and those that tend to stay active. What about those of us that are bigger, and like to do more things inside? To me, you come across as a fat-phobe. I find that very rude, because a lot of us have nice personalities. And how dare you say that rap makes your ears bleed, you are coming across as insensitive to a group of people that have struggled with so much, and can only repeat it back in song...

The rest of the message was the same - All in one paragraph I might add.

My response was a bit of a rant, but it shows where my frustration is:


First of all, if you didn't like my profile, then you shouldn't have sent the message. Second, seeing as you seem to be able to add "-phobe" to the end of a word, I trust you know what it means? To end a word in "-phobe" or "-phobic" implies that I am afraid of the object it is joined with, so in context, the word implies that I am afraid of fat people, or dating them.

You are aware that I said my preference was people that are active, right? I tend to prefer them because I myself am very active, and it would be amazing to have another person in my life be that active and go on long trails through the woods or hiking over rough terrain.

Also, I do not like rap music, not because I'm insensitive to a culture, but because it does not call out to my ears: I think it's harsh and abrasive, which is not something I want to listen to.

Finally, I question your idea of saying that I'm "phobic" of anything. For example, I read that you do not really want to meet in a bar. Does this mean that you are "bar-phobic"? I also see you hate classical music, so you must be a "classical-phobe". Tell me, how does that read on your end? To me, it sounds like someone trying to be "smart" by making up a word. The word you need to learn is preference. I prefer that this be my last email to you.

Harsh? Yep, but this is a trend I'm seeing more and more. There is a HUGE difference between someone being legitimately afraid of something (IE: Homophobic) vs not being attracted to the something (IE: I like straight guys/girls only). Just because someone prefers something doesn't mean that they are afraid of it - I prefer whiskey to beer, but that doesn't mean I fear beer, it just means I like whiskey more and will be more likely to enjoy it more.

Don't know about the rest of you, but I think it makes a person look dumb to append the "-phobe" or "-phobic" onto the end of an object; My respect for the person went out the window with that word alone.

Same argument applies to calling someone "insensitive" or "unawakened" if they don't like a particular genre. Like above, I truly am not a fan of rap; I am quite aware of its origins and roots and what it represents (probably more so than they were), but that doesn't mean I have to like listening to it.

-foss

PS: Just venting; it's not a rant directed at anyone here.

originally posted by: fossilera
Today, I was called something that really set me off on a rant for this person. As many of you probably know, I'm single right now, and I got an email saying someone had sent me a message on one of my profiles. Well, sadly the message wasn't quite what I expected. Below is a snippet of the message in question (this person decided to rant on their own - which kept going).

I have a huge problem with your profile - In the section where you specify who should contact you, I noticed that you said you tend to prefer those that keep themselves in shape, and those that tend to stay active. What about those of us that are bigger, and like to do more things inside? To me, you come across as a fat-phobe. I find that very rude, because a lot of us have nice personalities. And how dare you say that rap makes your ears bleed, you are coming across as insensitive to a group of people that have struggled with so much, and can only repeat it back in song...

The rest of the message was the same - All in one paragraph I might add.

My response was a bit of a rant, but it shows where my frustration is:


First of all, if you didn't like my profile, then you shouldn't have sent the message. Second, seeing as you seem to be able to add "-phobe" to the end of a word, I trust you know what it means? To end a word in "-phobe" or "-phobic" implies that I am afraid of the object it is joined with, so in context, the word implies that I am afraid of fat people, or dating them.

You are aware that I said my preference was people that are active, right? I tend to prefer them because I myself am very active, and it would be amazing to have another person in my life be that active and go on long trails through the woods or hiking over rough terrain.

Also, I do not like rap music, not because I'm insensitive to a culture, but because it does not call out to my ears: I think it's harsh and abrasive, which is not something I want to listen to.

Finally, I question your idea of saying that I'm "phobic" of anything. For example, I read that you do not really want to meet in a bar. Does this mean that you are "bar-phobic"? I also see you hate classical music, so you must be a "classical-phobe". Tell me, how does that read on your end? To me, it sounds like someone trying to be "smart" by making up a word. The word you need to learn is preference. I prefer that this be my last email to you.

Harsh? Yep, but this is a trend I'm seeing more and more. There is a HUGE difference between someone being legitimately afraid of something (IE: Homophobic) vs not being attracted to the something (IE: I like straight guys/girls only). Just because someone prefers something doesn't mean that they are afraid of it - I prefer whiskey to beer, but that doesn't mean I fear beer, it just means I like whiskey more and will be more likely to enjoy it more.

Don't know about the rest of you, but I think it makes a person look dumb to append the "-phobe" or "-phobic" onto the end of an object; My respect for the person went out the window with that word alone.

Same argument applies to calling someone "insensitive" or "unawakened" if they don't like a particular genre. Like above, I truly am not a fan of rap; I am quite aware of its origins and roots and what it represents (probably more so than they were), but that doesn't mean I have to like listening to it.

-foss

PS: Just venting; it's not a rant directed at anyone here.

Don't see the point in getting upset about things like this, that's life, these things happen. This is merely a person exercising their right to free speech which we all value.

The respondent did you a favour in that he or she made it easy for you to decide that they are not the sort of person you are looking for.

But no worries either, sometimes its the little things that get up our nose.

Sounds like a real winner. I won't even say what I would reply back to a person like that ... You know you can be active and workout from home, just saying.

a reply to: fossilera

I actually have a huge problem with your not liking rap music. A lot of rappers have had really tough lives so you're like denigrating them? It's like you're putting them down man and it's not cool.

I bet you're one of those who don't like raw fish huh? Have you any idea at all how tough the Eskimos lives are? Have you ever thought of that? And yet you DARE to put them down like you're so much better than them! People like you make me so SICK with your eskimo hating when you've n e v e r even met one. Racism!!!

a reply to: fossilera

What about those of us that are bigger, and like to do more things inside?

Fshhhshshahahhahahahahahahhahahahahahahahhaahaaaaa!

Maybe don't try to find an active boyfriend who likes hiking and outdoor stuff if you like indoor activities?

What she gonna do? Get a tandem bicycle and have you haul her all around the countryside whilst she sits here complaining about the heat as her swollen rear end melts ungracefully over the tortured bike seat?

Mmmm, so appealing!

a reply to: BelowLowAnnouncement

Bicycle?? No. That's "sizeist". She will get a couch with wheels he can pull with his bike. A TV will be hooked up and the electricity generated by his peddling.

a reply to: OccamsRazor04
I feel this may be getting a tad bit cruel, though I hate her response to your (OP's)profile.

a reply to: fossilera

I agree the phobe-heads are foolish. I slap a couple down every week. People who do not like or prefer something over another, does not have anything to do with fear. Even someone who hates something or someone does not mean they fear it/them. I hate a great many things in this world, and fear it/them not.
PS
I might have arachnophobia though.

originally posted by: Tiamat384
a reply to: OccamsRazor04
I feel this may be getting a tad bit cruel, though I hate her response to your (OP's)profile.

It's not far enough. That PC line of thinking is some of the most dangerous stuff there is.

Question. If someone prefers thick girls, are they skinny-phobes? Should they stop dating thick girls to give thin girls a try?

a reply to: BelowLowAnnouncement

Oh my god! your description is burned into my minds eye! aaahhhhh
I prefer hot, tight body, chicks, I am a heart-attack-waiting-to-happen-phobe I guess. (sniff)

a reply to: OccamsRazor04
No, I'm very much against PC. I despise Israel with all my heart, but that's because it's a terrorist nation. This woman is not a murderer and is not present is all. You should really see my t-shirts and realize I'm against PC. Hell, even speak to me in person, all my friends know.

a reply to: Tiamat384

Not sure what Israel has to do with this conversation. It's pretty PC to hate Israel and ignore the fact Palestinians started this war and have refused peace at every turn. That's a whole other topic though, plenty of threads to debate that on.

a reply to: OccamsRazor04
PC=Political Correctness, that is not. And well it was an example. I despise some sort of way I should speak. My beliefs are very unpopular among my peers.

EDIT: But I agree, different topic.

a reply to: fossilera
The idea that it's wrong to have preferences;
This seems to be the counterpart of something I've noticed for years, viz. people getting disparaging criticism for enjoying activities which don't interest other people. I read of someone who spent years building up a collection of some esoteric item, and decided to give it up and sell it online. Apparently he received aggressive criticism from all over the world for "wasting his time" collecting them in the first place. It is the kind of logic that says "I don't want to watch the Boat Race, therefore it ought to be abolished"; that greets any kind of display of knowledge with "You need to get a life, go out more often".

What you are now noticing could be a psychological reaction to that. On the face of it, they're logical opposites. One demands conformity, the other demands extreme tolerance of nonconformity. Yet perhaps they share the same mindset underneath, because the person who contacted you wants you to conform with her own acceptance of rap.

There is another logical problem. If tolerance is defined as "It's wrong to criticise other people", then any criticism of intolerance is in itself an act of intolerance.
The person who contacted you has an obvious phobia with respect to preferences, and I hope you pointed this out.

Literally,I have noticed this type of attitude popping up everywhere in social media. Likely her royal highness would not have said that to your face but a chip on the shoulder seems an internet prerequisite lately. I see an intolerance of individualism. Like you stated,preferences. But not only that,a radicalized need to call someone out just for being different. Like it's an open season of blame and shame and we are all offended,or supposed to be because we have differences instead of similarities. I don't comprehend it,condone it,nor understand where it's originating from,but it's ugly. I see it getting worse too. This is like political correct fallout disease.

originally posted by: AccessDenied
But not only that,a radicalized need to call someone out just for being different...

Yes, I notied that, and the logical paradox that this is masked as "calling someone out for objecting to difference".

a reply to: fossilera

Lisa Marie Presley can be a little bigger at times. She still looks beautiful even when bigger. Would I miss out on dating someone like her because I was making myself conform to what fashion magazines tell me women should look like?; no way Jose. I am not a body fascist forcing women to be a certain shape that will cause them great misery to have to conform to. That is where anorexia and bulimia come from because women (and increasingly men) are being so pressured to conform to certain "preferences". So please note there is a dark side to this argument, too.

Personally, I would not be limiting myself. I have seen some amazingly beautiful bigger ladies. I like to keep an open mind so you will never see me stating preferences. Being open minded opens up the whole wealth of diversity on planet earth. There are enough prison bars placed on all our windows. Why we add more to that I do not know.

I have preferences relating to many areas of my life, but I don't like trapping people with blanket perception. I give myself and everybody else a chance.

Well... from her point of view: She sees a hot guy she fancies but then looks down his list of preferences and - oh noes - she doesn't match up to what he wants. How disappointing.

What can she do to get his attention? Engage him in debate, that's what. Did she know you're an ATSer?

And so she fires off her complaint and - oh joy of joys - she gets a response. Now she can boast to all her friends that she got attention from this fit guy off the internet.

Sounds like a win for her. Try and make it a win for you too - she paid you a compliment by taking an interest in you

Wow, in my view that person was way out of line. Yes, we can have all of the preferences we want especially when it comes to dating and who we spend our time with every day. Sheesh!

It never ceases to amaze me how so much of what transpires over the Internet is people telling each other off non-stop and they've never even met.