originally posted by: Nyiah
a reply to: diggindirt
You can always look at it another way. At least people knew one way or the other. He could have kept it to himself for the time being & dropped the
info on Christmas or even farther off in the future. /shrug
I really think you need to leave it alone & let him come to terms, and do the same yourself. For someone who's children are full-grown 30-something
adults, don't you think they're big enough to handle it themselves not being first in line for death news? Or is this just all about you wanting
taking advantage of the passing & notification method to get even with the man somehow?
I'm a 30-something adult. If my mother made herself the center of attention in the event of the death of a paternal relative, I'd be pretty
embarrassed, to be honest.
I honestly don't understand your first paragraph. There was no way of keeping it to himself. The girls would have noticed that she was missing when
they went to her house for their usual Sunday night visit.
My ex-husband's family had a tradition; during football season the men watched the game and the women got together for girly stuff, crafts, sewing
projects, etc., usually connected with Christmas. She had baked the brownies for the Girly Night on Saturday night. She had also laid out the
materials for decorating Christmas ornaments for a charity sale.
They came to me for comfort, terribly hurt---once again---because their father took no thought whatsoever about how they would feel getting the news
that way. Just as it shouldn't have surprised and angered me, it shouldn't have surprised and angered them. But they're human and they are loving,
I'm not sure how you think I made myself the center of their attention....I've always been the one they've turned to because he's never been there.
My goal was to try to get them beyond that hurt, think of the good memories of their grandmother rather than dwelling on their misfortune of being
born to a father that considers himself the center of the universe.
I'm not sure what you might be imagining that I need to "let alone." I'm ranting to get it behind me. Letting it alone, leaving it to fester would
only breed more anger. Helping my girls to find a way to forgive and get it behind them is my goal.
Yes, I want to smack his jaws. Because he's a serial emotional abuser. That's why he finds himself, in his own words, "alone" despite the fact that
he has two wonderful daughters and two fine grandsons. To expect anything I or the girls would say to him would change anything would be sheer
insanity. To be surprised that he would exploit his mother's death would be just plain silly. His behavior has remained constant over the past 40
years, why would I or anyone expect it to change?
If I'd had the opportunity while the sun was shining so beautifully this afternoon, I would have taken to my garden to work off my anger. I find
pulling weeds very good for working off that emotion.
I could have taken out my anger on my Beloved I suppose but he was right there with me this afternoon, trying to console the girls. He's dealing with
his anger too.
Instead I decided to rant to my ATS family. I appreciate them for their understanding.