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Posting obituary on Facebook---before notifying family members?

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posted on Nov, 15 2015 @ 08:59 PM
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This is just too cruel to comprehend for me.
My ex-mother-in-law died suddenly this morning. Her grown grandchildren were at church when this happened so they had their phones turned off. My ex-husband was unable to wait an hour to call them to notify them that their grandmother was dead. Instead he made Facebook posts!
I can't imagine finding out that my grandmother had died by reading it on social media.
After over 30 years of telling my girls to just ignore all the slights and self-centeredness he has dished out, I find myself so mad at him I could slap his jaws for doing something like this. I didn't think he had the power to make me mad again but again, I was sooooo wrong.
I have no idea how that man got to be so unfeeling and selfish. Both his parents were wonderful, thoughtful people. They were truly a second set of parents to me after mine had passed and long after I'd shown their son the door.




posted on Nov, 15 2015 @ 09:11 PM
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a reply to: diggindirt

Trending #RIPgrams

Uh...



posted on Nov, 15 2015 @ 09:12 PM
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OK. So you're angry at him for posting what you think is inappropriate on facebook (I agree), and so now you're announcing how angry you are on ATS?

Pot, meet kettle.



posted on Nov, 15 2015 @ 09:27 PM
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a reply to: diggindirt
That's very tacky and tasteless. Sorry that you have to deal with someone like that. I'd refrain from slapping his jaws off though. Jail isn't worth it.



posted on Nov, 15 2015 @ 09:28 PM
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People can post whatever they want on Facebook and other social media. I would never know.



posted on Nov, 15 2015 @ 09:29 PM
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originally posted by: schuyler
OK. So you're angry at him for posting what you think is inappropriate on facebook (I agree), and so now you're announcing how angry you are on ATS?

Pot, meet kettle.

You betcha! I was under the impression that the Rant Forum was for this very time----when a rant is all that is possible because I can't actually go slap his jaws for not informing his daughters in person. Waiting an hour until they got out of church and telling them in person, maybe even giving them a hug wouldn't have been too much to ask would it?
I don't find posting an obituary on Facebook inappropriate---just doing it before he bothered to inform those closest to the deceased.
When anyone hurts my kids, I get angry. This is just the latest in a history of thoughtless, selfish behavior on his part. I've never said one critical word about him in their presence---I let them grow up and see him for what he is. I'm not sure why any of us expected any better behavior from him now that he's an "orphan" at age 65. I do pity him but the anger has won out this time and instead of going and beating him to a pulp I'm ranting on ATS.
If you are equating my anonymous rant with his behavior---I'm not sure what to think. Perhaps you should read a book on etiquette.



posted on Nov, 15 2015 @ 09:33 PM
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a reply to: diggindirt

Just so I understand, your EX-husbands MOTHER passed away and your upset because he posted his grief on Facebook before notifying your kids(who had their phones off)?

Let him mourn for Christ's sake, who the hell are to to judge besides your resentment?

Ghost



posted on Nov, 15 2015 @ 09:39 PM
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a reply to: Metallicus

I was going to say the same but then i remembered i opened a twitter account so i could like ATS . On SOs orders of course . Off topic but somehow vaguely relevant .



posted on Nov, 15 2015 @ 09:41 PM
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originally posted by: Skid Mark
a reply to: diggindirt
That's very tacky and tasteless. Sorry that you have to deal with someone like that. I'd refrain from slapping his jaws off though. Jail isn't worth it.


Yeah, that's why my rant here. I can't do it in the girls' presence. He isn't worth going to jail over....otherwise I would have been there many, many years ago.



posted on Nov, 15 2015 @ 09:44 PM
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a reply to: diggindirt
Better here than out in the world, then. From what you've said, I see that guy is a jack ass. Too bad the kids have to deal with that.



posted on Nov, 15 2015 @ 09:46 PM
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originally posted by: Metallicus
People can post whatever they want on Facebook and other social media. I would never know.


I wouldn't know either. I don't do any social media. They called me when they saw the post after church. His attempts to call them was 30 minutes after his post to FB. He knew they were in church, could have waited, could have met them to tell them in person, he was at the hospital, which is less than 5 minutes from where they attend church.



posted on Nov, 15 2015 @ 09:54 PM
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originally posted by: ghostrager
a reply to: diggindirt

Just so I understand, your EX-husbands MOTHER passed away and your upset because he posted his grief on Facebook before notifying your kids(who had their phones off)?

Let him mourn for Christ's sake, who the hell are to to judge besides your resentment?

Ghost


As I said above, when somebody hurts my girls, I do get angry. This was intentional. He was a five minute walk from the church where he knew they were. Any man with even a little bit of love and compassion for his daughters would not have notified them of their grandmother's death on Facebook. That's my judgement.
He's mourning all by himself because they want nothing to do with him. They say let his FB "friends" comfort him. Can't say that I blame them either. I've spent a goodly part of the day attempting to comfort them and convince them that they must go on, put their chins up and be the ladies that their grandmother would want them to be.

ETA: She was more than just my ex-mother-in-law, she was a mother to me after my own Mama passed away. I was at her house on Friday to check on her and take her some fresh tomatoes. He hadn't bothered to visit her in weeks but his name was on the card in her wallet as next of kin so he was the one the hospital called.
edit on 15-11-2015 by diggindirt because: clarity



posted on Nov, 15 2015 @ 10:13 PM
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a reply to: diggindirt

Ever stop to think that he loved his mom and needed some affirmation? Not this sh!t your peddling?

For f#ks sake. His MOM just passed and you couldn't wait a night before judging his actions?

Sarcasm/ Wait, wait....change of heart, I totally agree. He's a P.O.S. because you said so and he didn't conform to his mother's death like you think he should have....



posted on Nov, 15 2015 @ 10:18 PM
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a reply to: diggindirt

I agree with you that what he did was inappropriate. News like that should be given in person in my opinion, however, he might just not understand things like that and be socially unaware. You would know if this is the case since he is your ex. Not everyone is good at dealing with loss and what is appropriate in a social interaction.



posted on Nov, 15 2015 @ 10:30 PM
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Eh, when it comes to death, I have a very logical look at. It happens.
Look, my grandmother moved herself & my family with her halfway across the country last year so we could help care for her in her increasingly frail state. We weren't even in the rental 2 weeks when she had to be taken to the hospital, then moved to hospice where she died (BTW, she didn't bother to tell us she had end-stage colon cancer. Oh well, her choice there, she was very private with her medical history)

Both immediately prior to and after her passing, everyone conversed in emails or quick messages online. She passed in the middle of the night, so my dad (who hadn't been her son-in-law for over 20 years) got an email instead of woken up, for which he was grateful for. My older brother got a tweet about it on Twitter because hes a dick and makes contacting him difficult. He went one step further in being a dick by deleting it and not getting back to anyone, though. My younger brother also got an email, and was as grateful as my dad for not being woken up. The only person that was talked directly to was my grandmother's brother because he helped sort all the POA stuff and whatnot crap out with my mother on very slim notice.

My point is everyone deals differently. Your EX mother-in-law wasn't your mother. It's not up to you to dictate how your EX husband notifies people. BTDT with the notifying. You dictate how it's done when it's your immediate family, not someone else's.



posted on Nov, 15 2015 @ 10:36 PM
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Stupid and dumb

That is the the essence of FB though.

Just my opinion and why I never signed up.

So sorry for your loss though.



posted on Nov, 15 2015 @ 10:47 PM
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a reply to: diggindirt

People do things in the throws of grief, that may seem inappropriate to those on the outside, but grief clouds ones judgment. Never hold anything against anyone, when it comes to how they respond to grief.



posted on Nov, 15 2015 @ 11:15 PM
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originally posted by: ghostrager
a reply to: diggindirt

Ever stop to think that he loved his mom and needed some affirmation? Not this sh!t your peddling?

For f#ks sake. His MOM just passed and you couldn't wait a night before judging his actions?

Sarcasm/ Wait, wait....change of heart, I totally agree. He's a P.O.S. because you said so and he didn't conform to his mother's death like you think he should have....


He can deal with his Mom's death any way he sees fit. What I'm upset over is the way he deliberately hurt his daughters. Sorry you don't understand that.
And yes, you're absolutely correct in the first part of that last statement. He is a POS. He hadn't bothered to drive 6 blocks to visit his Mama in weeks, maybe months. He got miffed at her when she asked him to move a pile of his junk that he had dumped in her driveway in March. The only time in the past 30 years he's had any contact with her was when he wanted/needed something. So yes, I think he's a POS and I have evidence for that opinion.
Tell me, if your Mom died suddenly, would you at least attempt to contact her only grandchildren, just a few blocks away in person, or would you just hit FB to let everyone know? Would you appreciate getting that FB post that your grandmother had died?



posted on Nov, 15 2015 @ 11:21 PM
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a reply to: Nyiah

Yeah, I'm being a really terrible person for being mad that my daughters suffered undue hurt because their Dad is a self-centered, thoughtless fool who wouldn't take five minutes to convey the news in person. His first thought was to post on FB about how lonely he will be now that "I'm left an orphan with no family." THAT made his daughters feel really good! Especially in view of the fact that he only visited or called his Mom when he needed money or help. He was SUCH a DEVOTED son!



posted on Nov, 15 2015 @ 11:26 PM
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originally posted by: diggindirt
I can't imagine finding out that my grandmother had died by reading it on social media.

My familiy found out our great grandmother was dead when a letter came in the mail with a lock of her hair and a note saying she had passed, a week after the fact.



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