According To A New Study, Cats Are Probably Trying To Kill Us All

Researches from the University of Edinburgh and the Bronx Zoo compared the personalities of domestic house cats to the big cats... The results are not surprising.

According to the research, domestic house cats and African lions have similar personality structures. Both have strong characteristics related to dominance, impulsiveness and neuroticism. If you have ever thought your cat was anxious, insecure, tense, suspicious, or aggressive toward you, you aren't making it up. If they were bigger, your cats would probably consider killing you. Sauce

a reply to: TheAmazingYeti
Killing us with cuteness.

Upon reading this, I exclaimed aloud, "What?!"
I turned to my cat who was next to me, furiously licking her butt.

I said, "It's not true, is it?!"

And she just continued to lick her butt, as if she had not heard me! This aloof behavior is how she sidesteps the tough questions.

So, I think there may be something to this.

a reply to: TheAmazingYeti

here ya go,

Secret Cat Diary DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from shredding the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant and cough it up on the carpeting.

DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair...must try this on their bed (again).

DAY 762 - Slept all day so that I could annoy my captors with sleep depriving, incessant pleas for food at ungodly hours of the night.

DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in an attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was...Hmmm. Not working according to plan...

DAY 768- I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo". What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth and the tiny bit of flesh under my claws.

DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "beer." More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies". Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The Bird on the other hand has got to be an informant. He has mastered their frightful tongue (something akin to mole speak) and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time.

Note: this piece originated from a Bizarro cartoon, which has since seen many additions and modifications! Secret Cat Diary

i lmao when i first read it, and have posted it a time or two.




ETA: the part were he gives them the headless mouse body, when i first read it said at the end the evil bas__ds

a reply to: TheAmazingYeti
...and the book is great, too!

I figured this was a Butcherguy thread.

My cats are also looking suspiciously at me now. I swear I caught them conspiring earlier, then went back to licking when they knew I was on to them.

My dog does NOT trust them either.

a reply to: hounddoghowlie

LOL thanks I missed that for a while

All cats should be thrown into the jaws of sharks.

No matter who I am with, but as long as they aren't allergic to cats...cats will ALWAYS come to me for attention, usually over the top too. I think they know it can kill me, if left untreated!!!

Yes, they ARE evil.
ppil4.files.wordpress.com...

originally posted by: WakeUpBeer
All cats should be thrown into the jaws of sharks.

I can't tell a lie... I gave you a star for that.

I'm owned by 9 of the little shats. Two of them 22lbs plus. I have no doubt they if they all worked in concert together could do some damage to a human. Problem is a little cat treat & their puddy in my hands.

well its about time an intelligent species took the rein, i will look deeper into bastet idk bout the rest of you suckers but my place in cat world will be saved

originally posted by: openyourmind1262
I'm owned by 9 of the little shats. Two of them 22lbs plus. I have no doubt they if they all worked in concert together could do some damage to a human. Problem is a little cat treat & their puddy in my hands.

They're just luring you into a false sense of security. Be afraid...be VERY afraid.

a reply to: TheAmazingYeti

Agreed, we must band together to fight these furry little felines...

So, what's new?
I've been on this planet for some time, and for most of that time some dick or other has said Cats would eat you had they been big enough...that's as in eat. As I see it, pussys have been calculated in the same demographical way as humans....end of.

a reply to: TheAmazingYeti
It's all true. This guy has proof:

a reply to: ecapsretuo

I don't recommend letting your cat lick you directly after licking her butt. Just sayin'...

Skid Mark...Hope this works!

I think we should all be grateful that our overlords are so merciful towards us...