Why are some people so mean?

a reply to: peppycat

My two cents...

I think, like a lot of things, it's a bit of nature + nurture.

As a parent of a young kid I tend to view the world through the goggles of a parent and focus on what I see in kids.

In my son's Pre-K class there are two "troubled" kids (for lack of a better word).

Recently I had a chance to take a day off of work and volunteer for a book fair and subsequently help the kids during lunch (help with juice boxes, open their lunches, etc).

The first "troubled" kid I could tell right off the bat was a combo of nature and nurture. That is, based on the lack of parental involvement (parents not responding to calls and e-mails from the teacher, sending almost no food for lunch, dropping off the kid late and picking up late, etc) it was clear that this kid is not getting the attention that he needs. This causes him to be very disruptive (taking other kids food, taking their toys, not listening to adults, etc). However, upon meeting him, and please understand I am not a doctor or psychologist so take this with a hearty helping of salt, I could tell there is something "off" with this kid. Definitely special needs. It's not just the way he his being raised.

Now, on to the other kid. From meeting her, I could tell she is very bright. However, as I watched her, I literally saw her scanning around the lunch table and then the classroom, essentially looking for someone to upset. These are little kids, all under the age of five, but they can be "mean" if they want to. Pushing someone's puzzle off the table. Intentionally spilling someones water bottle. Getting in someones face and calling them names. My best guess, perhaps she has older siblings at home that are very rough and she is emulating that. Or, maybe her parents are just mean to her.

My point is, there are tons and tons of reasons that people are mean. I do believe some people are just born wired to be mean but more often then not its a learned behavior. I also try to keep in mind that a lot of people go through a lot of things and feel like they get "screwed over" by life and lash out. I think we are all a few strings of bad luck away from being like that.... maybe.

a reply to: eluryh22 Thank you for the thoughtful input. Pre-k is such a young age to start being mean and I definitely agree it has do with the home environment.
When I wrote the op I was thinking mainly of people old enough to look within at why they are mean to others and maybe some people just aren't wired in their brains in a way to look within. Gives me much to think about.